I have been suffering from what seems like ROCD for about 2 months. I worry about my relationship constantly and keep wondering if i am in love and if i am in the right relationship (even when I know i am).
I have an OCD personality, I do the rituals and little habits. I do rituals before i go to bed, in the shower, before i go to the bathroom, and even at school. Sometimes my rituals can last up to 20 minutes. When I take off my shoes I have to point the right shoe to the north. I can't have anything to do with the color blue because I think sad things will happen if I use a blue object (like drying of with a blue towel), and many more things that might make you think im a bit odd, but oh well right?
Now my relationship is perfect with this girl, we are pefect together. We have not had a major fight or argument yet.
I cannot imgaine myself with anyone else but her.
But one day on a sunday when i imagined a couple thoughts my brain didn't take too kindly too evolved into something bad. I thought what if I was going to fall out of love with my beloved girlfriend. It became an obsession, these thoughts did, and I didin't realize why.
When I first had these thoughts, I basically broke down, they were so overwhelming. I was so convinced that I actually was
falling out of love, heck it even felt like it! These thoughts were eating away at me for a few hours.
After the "OCD attack" (no clue what its really called) i felt normal again. Everything was fine, I loved my girlfriend and everything was normal again. It didn't happen that whole night and I thought maybe i just worried it away.
The next morning went fine until it happened again at school and I realized I had a problem. It came an went everyday, lasting about half of the day each day. I knew I loved her deep down, but I didn't know why i was worrying and had fears about stuff like this.
New thoughts and worries and fears popped into my head since then, and its only getting worse. It lasts about the whole day now, I do find some relief when its away, but it comes back. One minute I feel all affectionate the next I am worried and cannot feel anything.
My biggest worry is falling out of love, which I do not see how, she is perfect she is everything I have ever wanted. Another fear is what if I want to be alone, or what if shes not the right one. One time I worried if I was actually gay. I have no clue why, but I worried about it for like an hour or two.
When I hang out with her, sometimes I feel worried and stuff but usually i feel fine, especially after i hang out with her i can say to myself, "ok i had a good time i love her shes amazing these worries are nothing". But sometimes it gets the best of me.
When I get engrossed in these thoughts I cant feel like I love anyone or really care about anything. The thoughts make me gag and want to puke.
Sometimes I even doubt I have a condition or anything and worry what if i am really falling out of love, but how? What would be the reason? Shes perfect to me. The what-if factors come into play and make me worry and scared more. Sometimes I just feel like crying for no reason.
So does this sound like ROCD to you? Sorry if this is really long I just had to say it all lol. I love my girlfriend alot and I need coping mechanisms, tips, hints, self help techniques, anything to help a guy out. I just want to have an amazing summer with my loved one and I don't want anything to ruin it.
I do not really feel like taking meds but I will do anything and everything I can to stop this. I am not going to let a stupid disorder ruin my relationship. Ill fight it even if it kills me I just need advice on what to do is there self-help books or things I can do? Has anyone else ever experienced stuff like this?