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sr058632 07-15-2010 03:18 PM

Relationship OCD or something else?
 
Hello!

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. We are both 23 years old. We recently broke up last fall but got back together 6 months later. I broke it off because I listened to everyone else about things like "the passion fades, then the relationship won't work" and the notions of "soul mate" and "the one." I no longer wantes sex or intmacy so I figured somethign had to be wrong. THen, I slept around with a few guys and talked to many, many guys, and I had no interest in them. All I could think of was my boyfriend. So, we gradually started talkign again, and wer got back together. We were so happy! The sex was amazing, passionate. The feelings felt like they completely returned.

Now lets go to the present, 6 months after getting back together. My boyfriend and I have a great relationship. He treats me amazing and, in 5 years, we have rarely fought. WE pretty much live together in his parentsí house, and there's not a day that goes by that I don't see him. I know there are different stages of a relationship, and that everything goes back to its comfort level in a relationship. Here is where my problem and anxiety/obsession/commitment phobia/relationship ocd comes in.

I have had anxiety all of my life, but have never been treated or tested for it. Now that I look back, I think I may also have forms of OCD. On and off for years, I would get these thoughts in my head about my mom dying and wouldn't be able to get them out and cry and get depresses. I also started getting weird head pains, and I kept thinking I have cancer, I'm going to die, etc. I even thought I had skin cancer. Now here is where my obsessive thinking about my relationship comes in. It started out of no where one day before my boyfriend and I were going to take a vacation alone for a week, which we've done many times before. I started panicking thinking about our future and then thatís when all the doubts started. I started to analyze every part of our relationship. I would think of our sex life and how itís boring, and that means he must not be right for me. I would pick at all stupid things thinking that maybe heís not the one or Iím just holding on because Iím comfortable. I constantly fear that maybe he isn't "the one" or that maybe there's someone better. What adds to this fear is that I have only been in 2 long term relationships. Nowadays, so many people date around to find ďthe right person,Ē so I think, maybe I havenít dated enough. I start to think are we really compatible? Are we going to have a boring marriage? I also get into my moods where I don't want sex and don't like being affectionate. The more Iím like this the more I feel guilty and think I donít love him and he only loves me. I think will I cheat on him in the future or never want sex with him? This has caused me to have major anxiety around him. So lately, Iíve been spending time away from him to see if I miss him or see if the weird feeling in my stomach will go away when I do see him again. Keep in mind I donít work, I just graduated, and I do nothing all day. SO I think, maybe thatís why we get sick of each other. My life revolves around him, and we never get to crave or miss each other.

I am constantly in a battle with my head that says, ďIs my gut telling me something? Do I really not love him? Am I will him for the wrong reasons? Or is this some kind of mental problem or OCD?Ē So, overall I am hoping any of you dealing with OCD have an opinion about if this is a gut instinct and he's wrong for me, or if this is relationship/commitment anxiety or OCD that I need to deal with. We have such a great relationship and I can see myself having kids and stuff, but lately when I think of a future and loving him forever, I get freaked out. Thanks and sorry for the long story!

sr058632 07-15-2010 05:24 PM

Re: Relationship OCD or something else?
 
PS.. Please share any insightful advice, inspirational stories, related stories, etc. I would like to know I'm not the only one with these doubts and thoughts! :)

agnus 07-16-2010 06:53 AM

Re: Relationship OCD or something else?
 
hi i suffer from OCD and i am always thinking about the negative side of life i really believe that its part of the OCD you should go see doctor as they can help but at the end of the day you have to be in charge of your mind and sometimes its hard
good luck

recovering 07-16-2010 01:17 PM

Re: Relationship OCD or something else?
 
There are lots of posts you can read on this board that are very similar to yours; so you might want to read through them and see you're not alone. My rocd is a bit different in the way that i imagine my husband cheating and leaving me for another. On top of it all I found out that he has narcissistic personality disorder which has made matters worse for me but doing research and finding exposures to test myself against has helped and finding out about why he does the things he does has helped. Don't get me wrong I still have to go through it; my brain still lacks seratonin but I am getting better and I'm thankful for that. I guess my point is, once you either get diagnosed with rocd or find sufficient evidence on this board and in research on the internet you can start doing the things that will help you to get better instead of being focused on the diagnosis. Good luck.

GenGen* 07-16-2010 02:16 PM

Re: Relationship OCD or something else?
 
I have a story for you. I hope it helps.

I have been pummeled with much doubt, and I have tended to think most of the time it really has been OCD, or perhaps a mild anxiety disorder. I believe so because I could not do my work or concentrate very much or even have a normal conversation with someone without struggling with the interruption of unwanted thoughts in my head. It has circulated and continues to circulate my relationship. I've been with my boyfriend for two years, and we're both really happy! We really are, and if I just focus on that, it works wonders. Then again, it doesn't always work. I get very emotional, and one must please understand one's mind may have OCD-like tendecies and generally attach themselves to negative thoughts.

What I did was to try and not look at it as OCD, yet as doubt.

I think OCD exaggerates our fears and anxieties. Someone who checks a thousand times to see if their hand is clean does that because they're afraid of germs. If we tackle the fear, it gets better. (i.e. fear= obsession) Normally, my compulsion is to rationally tackle and question the thought. So that's what I do.
I've had doubts because I plan to be with my boyfriend all my life. I found that though it may seem extreme for a couple of teens only 16, our wishes are true, and we know it takes so much more than a wish upon a star. I have had doubts such as, "what if in the future, I don't like how he is at home? what if he's really lazy? what if I can't put up with it and we argue a lot and we divorce and all is hell?" It seems pretty silly now that I think about it...sure, the POSSIBILITY is there. Be sure of that. Admit it's a possibility but that it won't stop you. Tackle and attack your doubts. Don't let them linger. I promise they calm down if you confront them. After I had admitted it, I had still been scared, but had known deep down that I know what I want and I try my hardest to get it. Nothing can stop me, and certainly not negative thoughts. I do it for me; I do it for him, and I'd do it all over again if I had to.

sr058632 07-16-2010 09:05 PM

Re: Relationship OCD or something else?
 
Thank you all for your replies! I have looked through over posts and it sounds like I do have OCD. But then again, I start to think am I using OCD as an excuse and mayeb I shouldn't be with my boyfriend anymore? I get nervous thinking about being with him alone and how our life will be just me and him. I also get nervous when I know I will have to spend alone time with him in his room. He is very affectionate and touchy, and I get nervous thinking, "OH no, what if I'm not in the mood!?" And, when I'm not in the mood and don't want him to touch me, I get even more freaked out thinking that maybe our love and passion has died. My biggest problem is that I compare my relationship to other peoples, but really, how do i know how theirs is??? I picture all these couples having extremely passionate sex every day, but really in reality, I need to realize 5 years is a long time, especially when you have seen the person EVERY day. it takes work to keep the passion and excitement there, and it has to be something both partners want and need to work on. I go back and forth with thoughts in my head, like "what if I break up and find someone better who I have butterflies with forever and never get tired of?" or "if i stay with him forever, am i losing out on someone I'm more compatible with?"

I guess like GenGen29 said, this can be considered doubts too, which is normal for everyone to have. But someone who obsesses about and stresses about things, takes these doubts to another level in their mind.The idea of the future and commitement FOREVER freightens me to death. I fear the day he proposes to me. And of course, this makes me think does this mean I don't love him and that something "isn't right" and we need to break up? I have no idea. But, I try to keep these thoughts out of my head.

Sunshower1980 07-17-2010 02:58 PM

Re: Relationship OCD or something else?
 
Hey Read my post and tell me if it feels like that???????????????

sr058632 07-17-2010 06:15 PM

Re: Relationship OCD or something else?
 
Hi. It is similar to what - am going through. Not detail for detail. One of my main problems is that I get bored of the same routine and that we are always together. I don't work. He works and I sit home all day waiting for him to come home. I have a lot of fears in my life. I have only been in 2 longterm relationships and sometimes feel should I look around for someone else, since this is what most people do. Go from relationship to relationship. I'm not the dating type. I like being with one person. But when things get routine and comfortable, you need to make it work. We have a great relationship. Never fight, always have things to talk about, enjoy doing everything together, and doing "nothing" together. But being a thinker, I always think is there something more or better, even though what we have is great. I compare myself to movies and romantic notions. I'm trying to think realistically though. I don't wanna lose a great man for fairy tale stuff. My mind goes back and forth, but I hope my thoughts can become more and more positive. I realize I still haven't found myself as a person, I am unsatisfied with my own life. When that gets sorted out, I will be more self-fulfilled. I am also going to speak to a therapist soon, so I hope this will help.


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