rasaht

My biggest fear in life is exactly the same thing - helplessness. Not so much these days about disasters. When I was about 5 I used to worry about there being a tornado and my dog being outside. I may have been more curious than scared, but I was definitely obsessed with the idea. These days I'm more worried about my life just going really bad, and me ending up with no money or no friends or losing my loved ones or something like that, but completely unable to do anything about it, just having to watch my whole life go down the drain.

I think I would freak out more about natural disasters if I let myself think about them. But when I had that whole tornado obsession my dad would tell me not to worry about things unless they happened, and for some reason that has made more sense to me as I've gotten older. Sometimes I do imagine something bad happening, but as a scenario in which everything works out alright. If I do start freaking myself out I make myself stop thinking about it. Like if I think about a loved one dying I often end up crying and worried that somehow I've jinxed them. But then I just tell myself that if that is going to happen, I can't stop it nor forsee it and would worry about it then, but drop the idea for the time being.