So..not a while a go my mom and i went to the neurologist because of my lack of sleep for the past years (ever since i was young it took me 3 hours to fall asleep) but now i only sleep 3 hours a day,and wake up with a panic attack..
I told my mom about some of my rituals,and she got shocked,and told me to tell the neurologist,thats when she said i probably have ocd or panic disorder..she sent me to the psychiatrist and tomorrow i'm going with my mom..and thats exactly my problem,my mom is going to be with me,and i'm completely embarrassed of my bad thoughts and the things i need to do to get rid of them for some time..i only told her about lifting things again and again until it feels good and checking everything and closing and opening doors again and again.
but that is not everything,i also have this thing with numbers,my safe numbers are 11,4,7 and i hate the number 3,and i somehow relate it to the color red and the shape triangle which are the things i try not to look at,eat,touch. and when i do i go insane. i also have this thing with praying i have to pray when i do a some certain things..and my parents are pretty much atheists..so,what should i do? i don't want my mom to hate me or think i gone mad or something like that!
and when i told her about some of my 'simpler' rituals she didn't get me at all and asked me WHY i do it and i tell her BECAUSE I HAVE TOO and she says i don't and i can get over it,she doesn't get it at all that I CANT STOP THOSE COMPULSIONS AND BAD THOUGHTS! then she gets mad at me and complain that i never talk to her and share my feeling with her