Can anyone relate. My symptoms come and go. When I have them they are unbearable. I have to constantly check that everything in the house is safe, I am so worried that if I don't think of every possible problem that the house will burn down or blow up or someone in my family will be hurt or sick because of my mistake. I don't worry about me, just everyone else. The past two months it has been non-stop. I can not shut my mind down. It jumps from one issue to another, like a broken car alarm ringing all the time. I can feel my brain searching for something to worry about and check. I think of the worst possible outcome of something I may have missed and worry about it as if it happening and end up vomiting from the fear. I just started on Luvox and Klonopin and will start CBT in a few weeks. Please, is there hope for me? I am making everyone around me crazy. I can not keep feeling like this. Thanks for any input.
I know exactly how you feel. I am an ocd checker. I have to check the hot water heater every night to make sure it isn't leaking gas, I have to check the carbon monoxide detector every night to make sure no carbon minoxide has registered that day. I check every window and under every bed. It is exhausting. Atleast I only do it once for the most part and it only takes a few minutes but it would be nice if someone else would do it sometimes. Because I check so much, my husband doesn't worry because he knows I have handled it. My worst checking though is did I take my meds, did the pill fall out of my hand or out of my mouth and I didn't realize it, so then I have to check the floor. That one is pretty bad, but right now the worst has been checking my blood pressure. I don't have high blood pressure but had a few high readings at the doctor which has led to two years of obsessive checking. My therapist finally said I need to stop, spoke to my doctor and both of them told me no more than once a month. Well, it has been five days and my anxiety is rising because I want to check and I have never gone longer than a week in the last two years. My goal is to go a month but it is hard. I guess the best advice is to know it will be fine, nothing will happen it is just anxiety thoughts and you aren't alone.
Ivy
Yes exhausting is the right word. We have a lot in common. I try to tell myself it is all in my head and every time I have a worrisome thought it turns out fine. Logically I know that but just the chance is terrifying. I read recently, "don't believe everything you think" I try to remember that but the ocd is stronger then me. I really hope the new meds help.
I don't think the ocd is really stronger than either one of us. We just think it is but if you sit through the peak of the anxiety is does come down. I know my problem is I react to the ocd thoughts and anxiety that comes with it immediately because it is uncomfortable which gives it power. I have found though it isn't easy, if I wait out the peak and try to do something objective like read or go for a walk it passes. It is so hard though, last week was really tough and I know this next week will be tough because I am not going to check my blood pressure. I know that if i give in and check I won't get past it so I have to go through it to get to the other side....sucks huh?
Sucks big time! I know the need for relief is so intense, that is what causes me to check or ask for reassurance. I know its driving everyone crazy but I am desperate to relieve the anxiety. The problem is that as soon as one thought is relieved there is another one to take its place and I start all over again. It is comforting to know there are people out there who can relate. I would not wish this way of life on my worst enemy.
I relate to your feelings of responsibility. I feel like my children are totally my responsibility. My husband is more laid-back than I am and I worry about them constantly, because I feel like it's my job. This winter I was holding my little girl and literally walked in front of a car that was going by at high speed. If my husband hadn't yelled my name and caused me to jump back in panic, she and I might have died. It was fine, but the guilt of possibly putting her life in danger tortured me for days. If I had caused her death, I literally don't think I could have lived with myself.
