Disturbing thoughts! - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

Henrik · 02-23-2003, 03:38 PM

Hi there!
Seems like I have found some fellow-sufferers!
My problem is that I cannot turn thoughts off until I "figure them out" (like Kristivera and Dougie11). But I know that I will never get rid of them!! So I cannot concentrate completely on a movie or a novel which is disturbing. The thoughts continue roaring in my head...
I sometimes have these magic thoughts, believing that I can make people say certain things (often embaressing things), on the telly for example. Then, knowing that I cannot make people say things (-; I start asking myself: how come that I heard a sound like that - is that possible? I start wondering at the sound that I heard: Is it possible to get something wrong so that you are able to hear a quite different word, I ask myself? -This is strange! I never stop wondering. Or I may constantly focus on an experience in the past: someone (often a loved one) said something quite harmless that hurt me. I ask myself if he/she wanted to hurt me? I can only get relief when I confront the person with what he/she said. I want reassurance! Having gotten rid of this thought, another problem pops up in my mind few minutes later. It´s a vicious circle - always this doubt... I cannot enjoy things completely because I think and think and think (and have swallow problems because I feel I do not deserve to enjoy food because I cannot figure out my problems)... I am not able to be indifferent to my problems that are "microscopic" and easy for most people to forget all about.
Can anyone relate to this (I know it sounds weird!)? My kind of problems are not described in any typical OCD-books, so I feel pretty much alone and stupid!
Would be nice to hear from you!

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Anonymity · 02-25-2003, 10:03 AM

Have you read my (lengthy) series of posts titled, "OCD- The Doubting Disease"? I think you may find that several of us describe and vent about our vicious thought cycles within that post.

I am not sure what books you have read, but my doctor assures me that these kind of disturbing and repetitive thought cycles are very normal in persons with OCD. Perhaps it will make you feel better to know that many of us struggle with these thoughts, images, voices, etc- again and again.

Are you talking to someone (psychiatrist, psychologist, family doctor, therapist, counselor, school counselor, etc.) about these thoughts? If they bother you excessively (mine do), then you may wish to consider finding someone to talk to on a regular basis.

In the meantime, vent some more about your thoughts! The repetition is so hard to ignore, isn't it? In some of my other posts, I describe my "audience", which constantly taunts me at the same time as I over-analyze situations. It makes for a whole lot of "noise" in my head!

I hope this post lets you know that you're not alone, and that you're welcome on this board to vent or describe your thoughts. Good luck with everything!

Henrik · 02-25-2003, 01:34 PM

Hi Anonymity!

Thanks a lot for your answer and your encouragements! Really nice to hear from you. And I am glad to know that I am not alone - that you and others also know these strange lines of thought!!

Nice to find a website with people that have the same problems. (Having read a lot of the post and recognised some of my own problems, I must admit that I still was in doubt if they really were similar to mine - but I guess it is OCD-doubt

). OCD-sufferers are especially known for the fact that they wash their hands 100 times a day (I have been there in my puberty!) - at least they are in Denmark! Okay, the disease isn´t really famous, I must say! In my country I have not met a person that have problems similar to mine - invisible and "microscopic" as they are. So thank you a lot [url="http://www.!"]www.![/url]

I will read your posts about the doubting disease!

Well, for the past four to five years since my OCD started again (I had OCD in my puberty but fortunately, the symptoms more or less turned away when I reached 15-16; now I am 31.) I have had talks with my family doctor, who was very nice to talk to, but he couldn´t help me. He gave me Cipramil, Optipar (Seroxat) - and Remeron lately, but the meds did not help me. I still had my thoughts going in my head... Last spring I saw a psychiatrist, who helped me somewhat (on the basis of behavioural therapy he helped me to understand that I cannot make people say anything!). I tried Anafranil for some months, but that med didn´t help me either. However, I had not gotten any ´tools´ to stop my thoughts ): - they continued to roar as background noise and still do. Do you know this feeling? It is always about some occurrence in the past that I have not "figured out". For example I sometimes have this anxiety that I can make people on the telly say embarassing things - and then I feel guilty! Knowing that I cannot make people say things, I start analyzing why did he/she make such a strange sound - is that possible? Is it reality, or am I hearing voices?! The probability of hearing such a sound is very little, I think. I must wonder at this curious little (!) occurrence! I must "figure it out" - and I kinda feel guilty if I don´t (then I have swallow problems). I cannot leave the thoughts behind. Often I wonder at such a situation in the past for a couple of months or at least a couple of weeks. Then another stupid thought takes over...
Can you relate to these situations in the past that will not fade away? Would you call this OC?

I am now seeing a psychologist who does not have that much OCD experience - but he is a great listener and takes me seriously. He gives me some tools concerning my moderate depression (that´s quite common when you have OCD, isn´t it?!).

I hope you are still with me (-: Thank you for reading my story! It´s nice just to vent about one´s problems in a forum like this!

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starshine2212 · 02-25-2003, 06:55 PM

You are definitely not alone!!! I have these thoughts since I was in high school. I'm not graduating college and finally accepted the fact that medicine is good. I need my medicine. It doesn't completely get rid of the thoughts, but it lessens them. I am on Paxil CR for ocd, panic disorder and generalized anxiety. My thoughts always go through hurting someone. I'll be cooking dinner and be sure I put a dangerous chemical like Comet in the food. I've even went so far as to throw out the food because I think it's going to kill everyone that eats it. I also hate driving at night because I'm always terrified that I've hit someone and not realized it. I can't tell you how many times I've inspected my car for damage. I found that even drinking even a little alcohol brings these feelings out more. I've retraced my path to prove to myself I haven't hit anyone. I guess that's why they say not to drink on the medicine.
But, you are not alone! Things will eventually get better. Like I said, I'm on medicine and my thoughts aren't completely gone, but I can deal with them better. Good luck!

Henrik · 02-26-2003, 11:59 AM

Thanks for your answer - interesting to hear about others´ problems. And once again glad to know that I am not alone!
I have been there too - I also had this anxieity that I would run somebody over. I had to check that I hadn´t by looking behind in the mirror x-times. Or I thought that I had scratched my mum´s car because I had heard some noise while I was driving. I had to check afterwards, and I always found a scratch somewhere on the car that might (!) have been my fault - although I probably had not ran into anything (:. So I felt guilty. For a couple of years these obsessions/compulsions faded away (yes, lucky me!) but other strange lines of thought have took over. Perhaps I should try Paxil - do you know if there is another name for that med?

I wish you all the best in your struggle - it must have been a hard time for you!

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