kitchenwitch

I'm curious about whether I'm obsessive-compulsive or just obsessive. Does it take both to have OCD?

I think my middle name is "Obsession". I obsess about my health (mainly symptoms I have, a behavior I probably learned from my mother), especially when it comes to serious diseases (like AIDS, though I've been tested and am clean - of course, I assume the test was wrong or I took it too soon for it to show up!). I have obsessive thoughts frequently (journaling has helped, but I just started Celexa for GAD and that seems to be helping as well), though the scariest ones are those when I think I'll snap and kill everyone and everything.

Those thoughts really get to me. I love my pets and my husband more than anything in the world, yet there are times when I can't get the thought out of my mind that I might kill them someday. I remember very clearly the very first thought I had like this, and it scared me so much; a few years ago my husband was away on a business trip, and I was up with the cat on my lap, and suddenly had the thought to strangle her. It was probably one of the more frightening nights of my life.

And I've only told one person about these thoughts, and not in such detail.

Anyway, I don't know if I'm much of a COMPULSIVE person, unless you count continually researching diseases to see what I could possibly have (and more importantly, what I *don't* have), playing with my nose (which I don't do as much as I used to), skin picking (though not to the point of damaging myself or pain), and being a bit superstitious (I have to put my right shoe on first for good luck, throw salt over my left shoulder when it spills, etc.).

Anyway, insight is appreciated. I didn't really think to share any of the above with my doctor when I spoke to him about my anxiety, but reading all of these posts, I wonder if I should. I'm reluctant to go to therapy, as from what I hear, they don't tell you anything more than I already know, and I already spend plenty of time analyzing everything either internally or with friends/family (and actually getting insight!).