Obsessive or Simply Caring ?? - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

SusanGene · 07-25-2003, 04:42 PM

I am ok during the day. But at night when I try to sleep I can't get angry thoughts to stop regarding my daughter's lack of concern for her and her son's teeth.
Her son, 5, was given so much Coke as a baby that he had to have crowns. One has come off and the post is black. She says she'll take him to fix it but she hasn't and school is getting ready to start. She spent $500 on an oil painting instead and trust me,
she couldn't afford that and she's broke again. It was even bought at a furniture store, not a gallery.
Then she got a $2000 tv set but only has one channel and wishes she hadn't bought it. I am so angry about her irresponsible spending and my grandson's smile that it Really bothers me. Obsession or Love?

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Best Wishes to All,
Susan Gene

Kathrin74 · 07-26-2003, 11:54 AM

Hmmm, I know what you mean, sometimes it's hard to tell, I've been through thinking processes like that. Especially working with homeless people, alcoholics etc... easy to fall into codependency and enabling, and on the other hand always the question: Yeah but I want to be a good person and I CARE!!!

OK, now about the teeth... do you think your worrying is excessive? I mean, do you worry about it all the time? See, one thing I have had to learn: We cannot live other people's lives. We can't be responsible for them. Your dauther is an adult now, right?

You told her what you think and it's ok to remind her, but you should not be worrying about it. What's the use of worrying when you lie in bed at night? Will it help anything?
It does sound like an obsession to me, because I have had similar obsessions... as I said, you told your daughter already, you can't live her life for her.

I would recommend the book by Melody Beattie, "codependent no more", it has helped me so much. Could be applied to your situation too.

Kathrin

SusanGene · 07-26-2003, 04:48 PM

hi, Kathrin, I have the book; got it on ****. I can't live her life for her (she's 37)but I Can , hopefully, have some affect on my grandson. Or, rather, my decisions can and have affected my grandson. For instance, I paid $2350 for his dental work. If not for that I have No Idea what she would have done. Possibly she would have gotten the crowns and never paid the dentist. Another thing that infuriates me is she had been criticizing her girlfriend's lack of dental care for HER daughter
like this girlfriend was the worst. Then my D ended up doing exactly the same thing to her son. No one can understand her. Her life is full of bad decisions. She "studied" for 3 years to get her real estate license. On her second try she passed the test, was crying with joy, then quit the first job she got with a national firm after two weeks.
Hasn't had a job since.

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Best Wishes to All,
Susan Gene

Kathrin74 · 07-27-2003, 01:32 PM

Wow, sounds like your daughter is a quite chaotic character, does she get any counseling, maybe that would help her?

It's really hard ti tell from the outside wheteher your worries are excessive or appropriate, I am afraid I will say something wrong.

Kathrin