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Old 08-27-2010, 01:01 PM   #1
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Going out of my mind with intrusive thoughts, help me!

Hello, i'm new to this forum but i stumbled upon it after looking for some kind of resources to help ease my mind but nothing seems to help.

For a bit of background, i've been on effexor medication for the last 3 months to help with depression. I had recently gotten involved in a relationship but shortly after i began i started having doubts and being constantly hit with negative intrusive thoughts about the relationship. I tried to control it, but the stress was too much and i realized i wasn't in a good place to be in a relationship. We eventually broke up but we're still good friends.

Since then (about a month ago) i had been doing quite well and managing my moods and depression well. But about 3-4 days ago, randomly out of the blue i was hit with a barrage of intrusive thoughts and depression.

It seems like i can't think and function properly without having my thoughts completely berate me with a negative contradiction to whatever i'm thinking at the moment. I can't enjoy anything anymore and my mind is constantly racing, i'm always mentally exhausted because i just can't process everything going on in my mind. Everything around me feels surreal and i feel detached from the reality and everybody in my life. I feel very alone all the time, like there's nobody that will understand what i'm going through because it's all too complicated to explain in my own mind.

I'm also feeling constant anxiety, like there's a looming cloud of doom hanging over me at all times that i can't escape. It's very terrifying, feeling like i'm trapped in this situation with no way out. I just don't understand any of it, i don't have the mental capacity to comprehend it all

It's gotten to the point where at the best of times all i want to do is curl up and cry because i just don't know what to do. I'm not suicidal, i'm completely lucid and realize that i don't want to die. I just want this to be over and i want to be normal again. I don't know why this is happening to me.

Is there anybody that can offer advice? maybe through a similar experience?

I'm very scared, all the time and i don't know what to do.

Help me!

 
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Old 08-30-2010, 01:46 PM   #2
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Re: Going out of my mind with intrusive thoughts, help me!

Quote:
Originally Posted by childofgod86 View Post
Hello, i'm new to this forum but i stumbled upon it after looking for some kind of resources to help ease my mind but nothing seems to help.

For a bit of background, i've been on effexor medication for the last 3 months to help with depression. I had recently gotten involved in a relationship but shortly after i began i started having doubts and being constantly hit with negative intrusive thoughts about the relationship. I tried to control it, but the stress was too much and i realized i wasn't in a good place to be in a relationship. We eventually broke up but we're still good friends.

Since then (about a month ago) i had been doing quite well and managing my moods and depression well. But about 3-4 days ago, randomly out of the blue i was hit with a barrage of intrusive thoughts and depression.

It seems like i can't think and function properly without having my thoughts completely berate me with a negative contradiction to whatever i'm thinking at the moment. I can't enjoy anything anymore and my mind is constantly racing, i'm always mentally exhausted because i just can't process everything going on in my mind. Everything around me feels surreal and i feel detached from the reality and everybody in my life. I feel very alone all the time, like there's nobody that will understand what i'm going through because it's all too complicated to explain in my own mind.

I'm also feeling constant anxiety, like there's a looming cloud of doom hanging over me at all times that i can't escape. It's very terrifying, feeling like i'm trapped in this situation with no way out. I just don't understand any of it, i don't have the mental capacity to comprehend it all

It's gotten to the point where at the best of times all i want to do is curl up and cry because i just don't know what to do. I'm not suicidal, i'm completely lucid and realize that i don't want to die. I just want this to be over and i want to be normal again. I don't know why this is happening to me.

Is there anybody that can offer advice? maybe through a similar experience?

I'm very scared, all the time and i don't know what to do.

Help me!
I also have intrusive thoughts that are a direct contridiction to what I really feel. Its very frustrating and at one point last year I felt bombarded with it. Now I dismiss it as just a thought so it doesn't happen as much anymore. I also noticed that if I get involved in an activity such as excersice or a craft it doesn't happen as much but it still happens. Try not to fight the thoughts or add an emotion to them; instead try to dismiss it as silly and move on with whatever it is your doing. Good luck, I hope you feel better soon.

 
Old 08-31-2010, 02:42 PM   #3
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Re: Going out of my mind with intrusive thoughts, help me!

Hi, I am so sorry you are going through this. I got OCD as a post partum illness and I know how scary the intrusive thoughts can be. For me it was debilitating. Luckily, Zoloft did the trick and the thoughts went away completely after just a couple of weeks. You might want to consider trying that medication instead of the one you are on. It is very good at controlling the scary thoughts. Hugs to you.

 
Old 09-01-2010, 09:52 AM   #4
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Re: Going out of my mind with intrusive thoughts, help me!

Hi, I went thru the same thing almost a year ago and was hospitalized. It was horrible, so I know exactly what you are going thru. I didn't understand what was happening to me. I felt like something took over me...detached from everyone and everything. Thoughts popping into my head like crazy. My mind running away with me and I was so scared. I went off my medication about 6 mo. before and thought I would be okay, but apprarently that wasn't the case. I then went back on my medication (wellbutrin and lexapro) but it took awhile to kick in. I went to therapy and eventually everything started to simmer down. Now if I do have a bizarre thought I just let it go.....I don't attach any meaning to it. Once you do that then it starts to subside. I think we can get ourselves so worked up over these thoughts that they then seem to bully us. A good book to get is "Imp of the Mind". I suggest it if you can get it - it helps. Take care and know that there are always people you can go to. Reach out to as many people on here that you can.

 
Old 09-01-2010, 10:50 AM   #5
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Re: Going out of my mind with intrusive thoughts, help me!

I recently discovered that I had ocd, not the hand washing kind but more of intrusive thoughts and thinking I needed to leave my husband for someone else or he might be cheating, or he's just an overall non match for me, or that I was gay. Before I realized it was ocd I decided I wasn't going to let it control my life anymore and began erp before I even knew what it was. Its helped 90%. But when I found out about ocd, intrusive thoughts etc. I began research 6 to 8 hours a day; I'm trying to cut that down so it doesn't become a problem, but I just can't stop dwelling on it. I just feel the need to be prepared if I start having symptoms again. Then just yesterday I realized I was falling back into it. My husband didn't do anything for our anniversay, not even a card and he got a head cold so I've been waiting on him, needless to say I started feeling resentful. Then, after work I was feeling pretty good about just spending time by myself, shopping and not worrying a lick about what he might be doing, I just felt that ocd wasn't bothering me and I was actually happy. Then I ran into someone that I use to imagine myself leaving my husband for. When I started to get those thoughts again I knew it was ocd for the first time. I was so glad but then even though I felt educated I still felt irritable because of it and started being grumpy toward my husband. This morning once again I had to tell myself that yes my husband can be selfish and not very thoughtful but he's not doing anything wrong; I'm bringing this on myself. I just feel so fortunate to know what the problem is and I will fight it till the bitter end, now that I know how to deal with it. I hope that you're all able to utilize the erp in your own lives so you can stop the bully too. Good luck!

 
Old 09-18-2010, 03:40 PM   #6
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Re: Going out of my mind with intrusive thoughts, help me!

Hi there know exactly where you coming from i am in a similar situation as we speak i feel like i am losing my mind I have asked so many peole for help but failed.What i have learnt is to have a mantra "this to shall pass " it may seem simple but it works also if you challenge yourself, it is difficult to get out of the ritualistic behaviour otherwise you may feel like something is going to happen to you when you do this but trust me ,giving in to the behaviour at the time will only worsen it for you ten fold .Dont start of to big , just take one behaviour at atime .Please breath when doing this because you may feel sick or even like you going to die but it will go away.Hold on to whats real in your life and what you feel makes most sense like i have two kids and a husband that i rely on and i explain things to them in detail and also this has to be somebody who cares and loves you. I will give you an example :I have major issues with toilet , so i will ask about and explain the problem to them It helos me to reason with myself.I hope that i made some sense and i was of some help please feel free to talk to me again and any time you need to.You are not going mad there are others like you and i totally understand . It is important to always talk about it, no matter what others think it is lwhat you feeling . buy for now hope tis helps.

 
Old 09-21-2010, 09:48 AM   #7
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Forgiveness HB User
Re: Going out of my mind with intrusive thoughts, help me!

Hi there know exactly where you coming from i am in a similar situation as we speak i feel like i am losing my mind I have asked so many peole for help but failed.What i have learnt is to have a mantra "this to shall pass " it may seem simple but it works also if you challenge yourself, it is difficult to get out of the ritualistic behaviour otherwise you may feel like something is going to happen to you when you do this but trust me ,giving in to the behaviour at the time will only worsen it for you ten fold .Dont start of to big , just take one behaviour at atime .Please breath when doing this because you may feel sick or even like you going to die but it will go away.Hold on to whats real in your life and what you feel makes most sense like i have two kids and a husband that i rely on and i explain things to them in detail and also this has to be somebody who cares and loves you. I will give you an example :I have major issues with toilet , so i will ask about and explain the problem to them It helos me to reason with myself.I hope that i made some sense and i was of some help please feel free to talk to me again and any time you need to.You are not going mad there are others like you and i totally understand . It is important to always talk about it, no matter what others think it is lwhat you feeling . buy for now hope tis helps.

 
Old 09-23-2010, 10:14 AM   #8
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Re: Going out of my mind with intrusive thoughts, help me!

I'm experiencing this too. It's very hard. Especially the guilty feelings and the dark cloud looming overhead. The dark cloud makes me feel depressed by giving me the opposite feeling I want to have while thinking of happy memories or things. i keep telling my self that those dark feelings are not true, however, it is torturous to have them at all. Some days are better than others. Some days I just want to sleep all day. I have a loving husband and a kitten who are helping me through this. Sometimes, I want to just stand in the sun and remember that even though I am hurting, at least I get to be alive. So many people die before they get to be as old as I am. That thought has been helping me to feel luckiness instead of depression. When I am feeling really guilty, though, I feel undeserving of happiness, however, when I think about how precious life is and watch butterflies fly in the sunlight, I let myself become overwhelmed by happiness and try to make that last as long as possible. In the words of THE FLAMING LIPS, "All we have is now". I'm going to start using that as my mantra for riding myself of the evil thoughts. It will help remind me that time is fleeting and that I don't want to waste anymore time on this nonsense called intrusive thoughts. (It helps to become angry at "the monster" and literally, mentally beat it away with that anger). There will always be tough times, I know, but at least we have our loved ones and each other.

 
Old 09-24-2010, 09:42 AM   #9
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Re: Going out of my mind with intrusive thoughts, help me!

I was diagnosed with OCD over 3 years ago. It has been a constant struggle . But for a few months everything was going well. Excuse me for my writing but my mind is a little scatter brained. Anyway about a week ago I started having intrusive thought about killing my family and complete strangers and ways to hurt them. Every time I walk by someone it happens A thought of them dying or me hurting or killing them. I have an appointment with my doctor monday . But I dont want to tell him. I dont know how I could. I love my family more than life itself. But the thoughts will not go away. Im on sertaline 300 mg and that was working now it is not. I came to this forum for a life raft. I need someone to guide and let me what I should do when I go to this appointment. I am starting to dread waking up in ther morning or trying to go to sleep. These thoughts and the immense anxiety are out of control. I try to pay them no mind. But it is killing me inside. To harm anyone is totally out of my caracter. I want this stop. Somebody please help.. This never happened to me before and I cant control it. Could I possibly harm someo0ne. Should I go away I just dont know what to think. Im at my breaking point.

 
Old 09-24-2010, 03:01 PM   #10
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Re: Going out of my mind with intrusive thoughts, help me!

Quote:
Originally Posted by somedayz View Post
I was diagnosed with OCD over 3 years ago. It has been a constant struggle . But for a few months everything was going well. Excuse me for my writing but my mind is a little scatter brained. Anyway about a week ago I started having intrusive thought about killing my family and complete strangers and ways to hurt them. Every time I walk by someone it happens A thought of them dying or me hurting or killing them. I have an appointment with my doctor monday . But I dont want to tell him. I dont know how I could. I love my family more than life itself. But the thoughts will not go away. Im on sertaline 300 mg and that was working now it is not. I came to this forum for a life raft. I need someone to guide and let me what I should do when I go to this appointment. I am starting to dread waking up in ther morning or trying to go to sleep. These thoughts and the immense anxiety are out of control. I try to pay them no mind. But it is killing me inside. To harm anyone is totally out of my caracter. I want this stop. Somebody please help.. This never happened to me before and I cant control it. Could I possibly harm someo0ne. Should I go away I just dont know what to think. Im at my breaking point.
I went to a therapist because I knew she did CBT therapy and I couldn't find a doctor who really understood ocd in my area. She knew a little something about ocd but was really focused on PTSD. I told her about an intrusive thought I had and by the look on her face, you'd thought I had just slapped her. I realized right then that she wasn't the right therapist. I think it is best to see a therapist who understands Pure O not someone that you'll have to educate. In addition she told me that she could keep privacy unless I told her I was planning to hurt someone; so when I told her about the intrusive thought I think it worried her, which worried me about what she was writing in my file. The reason I'm telling you this is because I think you should see someone who knows what you're going through because they will know how to help you. If you are seeing someone who understands pureo don't hesitate, it will definately help. Once you stop attaching emotion to a bad thought you will begin to get better and thats something you can start doing even before you meet with a therapist. Please come back and post how it went, we need all the input we can get on this board. Good luck!

 
Old 09-24-2010, 07:26 PM   #11
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Re: Going out of my mind with intrusive thoughts, help me!

Thankyou for your concern, Im meeting with my doctor on monday. For a check up I just dont know what to tell him. Everyday I feel like crying. I am a 25 year old guy and I have tears in my eyes at work from the fear of my thoughts and wondering if they could turn into action. I am really scared and I have never felt like this before. My anxiety is like a ball of nerves. I feel like I have no skin and evrything is hitting me all at once. I am a student. I want to live a normal life, I want to be happy. But I cant I am so immensely sad and I dont know where to turn.

 
Old 10-01-2010, 10:44 AM   #12
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Re: Going out of my mind with intrusive thoughts, help me!

Quote:
Originally Posted by somedayz View Post
Thankyou for your concern, Im meeting with my doctor on monday. For a check up I just dont know what to tell him. Everyday I feel like crying. I am a 25 year old guy and I have tears in my eyes at work from the fear of my thoughts and wondering if they could turn into action. I am really scared and I have never felt like this before. My anxiety is like a ball of nerves. I feel like I have no skin and evrything is hitting me all at once. I am a student. I want to live a normal life, I want to be happy. But I cant I am so immensely sad and I dont know where to turn.
Ask your doctor if he/she does ERP and if he doesn't find one that does. You can live a normal life and once you start ERP it won't even take long to start feeling better. Generally if you stop putting emotion to the thoughts you will see it start to go away. I believe someone mentioned to read the book imp of the mind; get it this weekend and start reading. You will be o.k. This is normal ocd behavior. Trust me; I am a good person and would never hurt a fly but I have had some truly contidictory thoughts; for a while they really scared me. I know longer put emotion to them so when I have one now I just roll my eyes and see it for what it is. I realize its easier said then done but you can do anything you set your mind to. I also utilize motivational cds that help with my thought process. I hope you come back and tell us how your appointment went. Good luck!

 
Old 10-12-2010, 07:57 AM   #13
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Re: Going out of my mind with intrusive thoughts, help me!

my appintment went alright I switched my medication from prozac to zoloft and changed my milligrams from 4 to 6 for larazopan. When I told him about hurting my family .he looked at me like I had two heads. He then asked me if I bought a knife or picked out a knife. I said my kitchen knife. He than asked me if I wanted to be eadmitted to a hospital. He seemed to attack me and not understand this whole thing is killing me. HE SEEMED TO THINK i REALLY WQANTED TO HURT MY FAMILY,WHICH i NEVER i WOULD. i JUST CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. wHAT IS ERP EXACTLY.

 
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