Obsessive Thoughts Make Me Doubt Who I Am - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

LoveMyWay71 · 02-28-2003, 12:08 AM

I have had obsessional thoughts since I was 13 that I can think of and I am almost 32. They didn't really become unpleasent until I was 17. I then adopted 2 obsessions that still live with me today. I have learned though that they are really triggered by stress. I also suffer from depression and low self-esteem. These obsessive thoughts make me doubt my sexuality, as well as my mental state. I have obsessive thoughts about whether or not I am gay and if I have another mental disorder, such as bi-polar and or schitzophrinia. It is aweful. When these thoughts occur, I am convinced I am crazy or gay, and it really makes me doubt who I am, then as we all know who suffer from ocd, I try and prove to myself I am not either of those. There is really nothing wrong with either one of those issues, however when I am in my obsessional state, I fear them both tremendously. I remember when I was turning 18 a senior in high school it was at its all time worst. It was day and night my obsessive thoughts even in my dreams. My counselors always told me I don't suffer from any other mental disorder accept depression and ocd, and they didn't think I was gay, but again locked in the obsession I was convinced I was, and nobody could really change that at all.. Not even myself.... Curently now I take 30 mgs of prozac and 100 of trazadone. For the most part the obsessions have gotten better, but I still have my days... If anybody can relate or give me feedback I would really appreciate it. Thank You!!

mrsriley72 · 03-06-2003, 02:28 PM

you said " again locked in the obsession I was convinced I was, and nobody could really change that at all.."

repost

LoveMyWay71 · 03-06-2003, 07:22 PM

for mrsriely72..... what kind of obsessions do u have if you don't mind me asking????

mrsriley72 · 03-06-2003, 07:45 PM

i left a long post

tiredofthinking · 08-22-2003, 06:49 PM

Oh my god, I've had the same thing since about the same age, exactly, and spent much of my life absolutely tormented by whether I'm gay or not (though there are no other indications that I am). I'm not sure yet what triggers mine, but I tend to think it's separation anxiety and general stress, as I reflect on it through the years. I saw a therapist about it when I was younger and he felt I wasn't gay, telling me that obsessive thoughts are rarely about the "real" issue at hand. For many years, those when I've felt the happiest and most secure, they've been all but nonexistent but tend to resurface when I'm stressed or entering into a relationship. It's been absolutely terrible and something I'm petrified to share with anyone, making it even worse, so it is a tremendous relief to know that at least someone else out there understands this. I really have always thought I was crazy.