death anxiety - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

scaredbuthopeful · 10-05-2003, 04:45 AM

Ok so Ive read up on some of the other postings that has to do with this topic and Im relieved that Im not the only one out there feeling this. I am constantly afraid of dying. My biggest fears are of blood clots and cancer. I can remember as a teenager having the same fear but somehow I got passed it. It started again two years ago after the birth of my first daughter. TWO YEARS of going trough this. Im so tired of it. And the worst part about it is that I havent been feeling good lately and Im not sure if thats because of this obsession or that there really is something going on with my health. Im currently taking Xanax but am considering asking the doctor for some depression meds. I cant keep going on like this. I cant even take pleasure in playing with my babies because everytime I look at them I think to myself 'if i die who will take care of them?' Its also taking its toll on my marriage. Im paranoid about everything that my husband is doing. Does anyone know of any online support groups that deals with this topic? The stress is really tearing me down and I could really use a friend right now.

Corinna_H · 10-05-2003, 05:21 AM

im so sorry you are having such scared feelings, certainly being a parent can feel like an awesome responsibility but most of us manage to shut that out.
I am wondering if, with two under the age of two (have I got that right?) you have some post natal depression. this isn't just something that lasts a few days after the birth, and can even start weeks or even months after the birth.

In addition, you have two very small children to look after, and that is very hard work and you may well feel under the weather from bad nights or overwork, the stress of it all or be a bit anemic? See your doc and get your haemaglobin levels checked and have a general check up to be safe, it is most unlikely you have anything seriously wrong and you will be reassured.
If you take the pill, depression can be a side effect and may just be felt as worry.

Try and meet other mothers and you will get some support from them

I do hope you feel better soon! Good luck to you!!

911_mom · 10-05-2003, 09:32 AM

Wow! I knew I wasn't alone about fearing death but I had no idea there were so many other people out there that feel the exact same way. I constantly worry about myself or my son dying. I always think about who will take care of him if I die. Mainly, I think about him dying and how awful it would be and how I could not possibly go on living if he were gone. I don't want to think about these things but it just creeps into my head every now and then and I usually end up crying or wanting to go get him out of his bed and smother him with hugs and kisses just in case one of us isn't around anymore in the morning.

scaredbuthopeful · 10-05-2003, 01:42 PM

Thanks for the replys Corinna and 911 mom.
Ive already talked to the doctor abot the possibility of it being postpartum depression but he thinks its beyond that. Thats why he gave me the Xanax for the panic attacks I have. It gets pretty bad at night when I cant sleep because my leg hurts and I keep getting out of bed to see if they are swollen from having blood clots. I do it over and over again. And now Ive had this cough for the las couple of months that I cant kick. So Ive convinced myself that I could have lung cancer. Its an awful cycle that my family and myself live in.
And I completely know how you feel 911 Mom. Im so scared of something happening to myself or my kids that some days I cant even think straight. I get nervous just leaving them home alone with my husband fearing that something will happen to them while Im gone and it would be MY fault because I wasnt here. So I know all this goes beyond just post partum depression.

cattys · 10-05-2003, 05:12 PM

I got to the point where I needed antidepressents and now my worry about this does not bother me nothing like it use to.

I have a hard time thinking someday that I just won't exist anymore. I go day by day anymore and live each day to its fullest.

Best wishes