Hi everyone....WOW this board is amazing....I dont know ANYONE who I can talk to about my OCD. My worst symptom is that I get urges to confess things. Typically these come in two forms...one is to apologize for just about anything. If I say something and the person reacts in a way that looks like their upset I apologize; if I'm 2 minutes late I apologize, if I offended someone 4 years ago I get an urge to call them up and say sorry for that. The other one; which is far worse and the most deisturbing; is that I get strong urges to confess things from my past. I feel like i am hiding stuff from people around me if I dont give in to the OCD. Example....I am a 27 year old straight guy; but one time 5 years ago I experimented with another guy. We didnt even do that much, no real sex just fooling around. At the time I thought wow I'm glad no one will find out about that; I hated it anyway but wanted to try it once. Now I have BAD urges to tell people like my family and friends. I actually gave into the OCD and told one of my friends and my dad about it; and it was no big deal but other of my childhood friends; I'm not sure how they would feel about that; at the very least it would gross them out in a major way and they'd look at me differently and at the worst it would kill our friendship. I also know that if I do tell everyone I know this then ther are more compulsions lined up which will probably take the form of something similar...perhaps telling them fantasies I have or things like that. I have read all of the good OCD books which have helped tremendously so I know that the only path to take is to NOT GIVE IN!! NEVER do what OCD says to do but those 2 times in the last 6 months I just was overwhelmed. The other way OCD affects me is that my concsionce is about 5 times stronger than normal; I feel guilt over stupid things (the apology "exorcises" this feeling though) I had a totally normal brain for the first 23 years of my life; I do have fibromyalgia though; a painful muscle condition. I was on 2 medications for it; klonopin (1mg) and methadone (10mg); then just over 3 years ago I was feeling better from the fibromyalgia and began going off both meds. I went off methadone completely and klonopin down to 0.5mg. Then overnight the OCD reared its ugly head and boy was I confused and in a world of emotional pain until I read some books on it about 5 months later and said "hey thats what I have!" and learned behavioral therapy and how to flow with it better. "Brain Lock" by Schwartz really helped a lot. I have recently gone back on full klonopin dose and most of the methadone dose and as far as OCD goes the urges are still there but much less instense; I'd say I'm a good 60% better from my worst; those severe anxety feeling if you dont confess are much less harsh because of the klonopin; my brain feels likeits slowed down a lot. but of course my goal is total recovery; wich I am aiming for with behavior therapy and themedications. I still need to see a good OCD specialist in LA county area to really make more progress. I have found that besides these 2 treatment methods the best thing to do is to be cocky and arrogant and uncompromising. I have always had a timid, shy, diplomatic, analytical personality....I need to change all of this if I am to get back to where I should be mentally and emotionally.
Anyway....rambling there.....nice to meet you all; good luck to you in your own journey through this.
Joe in Los Angeles
oh in terms of what I did with the guy one time it was basically he gave me oral sex and I gave him a hand job....nothing else; but the urge to tell people is strong. Anyone else have these types of rugres? how did you deal with it?
I have always had a timid, shy, diplomatic, analytical personality....I need to change all of this if I am to get back to where I should be mentally and emotionally.
I can definitely relate. In fact I recently found an old friend using an internet search and told him I was sorry for something I did about 10 years ago. It wasn't that big of a deal what I did, but for the longest time it bothered me. The meds have really helped, but for the longest time I walked on eggshells in conversations and read for facial clues etc. I'm very analytical as well.
I don't have a strong as urge as you describe. But I do to some extent. Okay, I don't know why I am saying this. blush, but If I masterbate I have to I mean HAVE to tell my boyfriend. I don't know why I just do, it's not sexual when I tell him, I just feel I need to. Or if I lied to him about something, I have to tell him the truth. I do apoligize alot like you mentioned.
The question you have to ask yourself is, what will happen to you if you don't tell them? nothing of course.
I have the type of OCD where I feel something bad will happen to me if I don't do something. tell the truth, count to 100 etc..etc..
Oh my gosh this is all so weird, but now everything's starting to come together. My boyfriend has OCD and he always feels like he has to tell me everything. We've gone into detail about his sexual past, even embarrasing stuff that i would never tell. I never thought this was an OCD thing, i just thought wow he's so honest and really wants to be truthful. He expected me to do the same, but I wasnt as comfortable. And if he lies about something stupid or little, he'll come back to me say an hour later and say "i have to confess something". I guess i should be happy since most men are total opposite
I know every part of his day, he'll call me if he's going in the shower to let me know if he doesn't pick up, that's where he is.
Currently we don't live together, but I wonder will it ever get overwhelming.
He's on Paxil 12.5 andhe said that's the only med that could help with OCD/anxiety. I tell ya guys sometimes i wish there was a support group for people involved with others who have this condition
In addition to a lot of other OCD things, I have extreme problems with guilt and confessing that I will apologize for just about anything, or will be overcome with the need to confess...sometimes the feeling is so strong that I want to confess embarassing things, stupid things, or sometimes I almost convince myself to confess things that I didn't actually do, just in case I might have done them... in addition, I have gotten so bad that it is not just people, but I feel extreme guilt towards inanimate objects, like stuffed animals, my car, house,or other things, and will actually have to apologize to them to get rid of the feeling.....I know very well that these things I do are ridiculous and abnormal, but I have to do them or else I will think about them forever......I would go on but I will start rambling.....
...in addition, I have gotten so bad that it is not just people, but I feel extreme guilt towards inanimate objects, like stuffed animals, my car, house,or other things, and will actually have to apologize to them to get rid of the feeling...."
I have done the same thing as well. I have found myself having emotional attachments to inanimate objects. I sometimes get a sense of guilt for putting my car through the day to day stress of driving it. Getting rid of an old garden hose that has "done well" for me might be like tossing an old trusty friend. Cutting the grass too short might "hurt" the yard. Hitting a rock with the lawn mower might make me apologize to the lawn mower. I do it with my body as well. I might say, "Hang on. I'll get you some exercise. I know you need it." A paper jam in a printer makes me feel like the printer is choking, like I hurt it. All this necessitates some sort of "making it right": apologizing to the thing, promising to be more careful next time, or "fixing" it, or giving an oil change....
After taking medicines and kinda coming out of it, for me at least, I found that it was deep seated worry that was causing a lot of it. I had never attributed this odd behavior to worry/anxiety but found it to be a very powerful negative force.
It is very odd indeed to apologize to your car, but I totally understand. For children it isn't so strange to develop attachments to blankets, dolls or what have you. It is probably some sort of extension of that. I don't know.
Last edited by hangtenvetter; 11-08-2003 at 12:14 PM.
wow, its so weird, but i TOTALLY know wat u mean. the whole confessing the sexual past stuff...been there, done that. i had it when i was really little tho, like ages 10-12 b/c i would feel guilty if i thought about stuff like that and then i would have to tell my mom EVERY single time i had a thought like that...omg it was excruciating, i used to cry all the time. but i got over it w/ time, i reallly did, and i know u will too, u just have to not feel guilty for the thoughts you think. i hope everything works out for you!!! dont worry, stay strong, eventually you will get relief and realize that u can keep some of those things to yourself and not have to confess them!
SO nice to read you guys.....by the way yes that was OCD...a confession....the second post I made on this thread!! yeah yeah I know I need to stand up to it. Its been about 2 months since that original post. I still need to find friends or a support group in LA area and a good doctor; but with my normal doc I got her to up my klonopin to 0.5mg per day in addition to the 1mg at night and that has helped some. Still I feel the urge to have everyhting right wth people; and if I feel I may have offended someone; if I am 2 minutes late; I apologize. But so you all know I have not confessed that original one form te first post to anyone else allthough the urge has been strong once or twice. It is slow and steady but I am really trying to completely change my personality. The timid and shy and introverted and diplomatic Joey is being killed and replaced by the aggressive, cocky, super-confident, emotional Joey.......it has to happen for my emotional surival and thriving. The question remains however......how will I ever get my brain to sit still and not have these urges to get everyhting just right? I suppose they may never go away completely; then again maybe they will; my job is to never ever ever never ever confess or apologize anything; cant control thoughts and feeling...only ACTIONS!! So thats what I got to do. but I need more support than these books......do y'all know anyone in Los Angeles area; especially around south bay? I read in my book that it is great to have a helper. I also know that the main cause for me of these imbalances and OCD in general is sleep deprivation. With fibromyalgia; which is what I had long before the OCD you dont get much stage 4 sleep and you are exhausted all the time. It varies day to day and when I do get good sleep my OCD has much less strength. I believe if I could get truly good sleep it wouldnt be much of a problem; I think the sleep deprivation has gotten so bad it has taken a toll on my poor brain.
So anyway; just want to say thanks for replies; stay strong.....if anyone is in my area or knows someone (I am 27/male; a similar age female would be the best OCD helper but anyone really is ok if they also need a helper like it says is good to havein the book "Getting Control" ...excelent book by the way)
P.S. to the person who had the sexual confessions at age 10-12 how did you get better? Any suggestions for like when I am with a friend or family member and the thought and then urge just rushes in to confess some past sexual or otherwise innapropriate thought or action from my past? Oh and to the woman with the boyfriend.....that is EXACTLY like my OCD. I can tell you one thing that is one faithfull boyfriend!! Gte him into the books if he hasnt allready and a good support group. If you help him get through this and to a better place with the OCD he will love you like you wouldnt believe if he's anything like I am.
Last edited by moderator2; 11-14-2003 at 09:02 PM.
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