Hi guys,
I just wanted to see what I'm dealing with and if anyone can offer some support for me. I'm getting very worried again, my period is coming either today or tomorrow and I'm starting to feel how I did when this came last time (I was 13 or 14 when this first occured, I'm now 19). It would come the first day of my period and last throughout, probably because my hormones are all out of whack. This is what I'm feeling (I wrote it out a few days ago, because my biggest fear is not being able to explain it because then no one will really know what I'm going through and I won't be able to get help). Anyways it's like a "mental cramp" where just for a few moments I'll think about anything (mostly my worries about being mentally ill) and I get this weird thought/feeling like nothing makes sense. It is so hard to explain because i don't even know what it feels like, if that makes any sense. Like my thoughts are being squeezed and I can't make sense of them, or they aren't even real. It only lasts for a few moments, and when I really think about it. Then I start worrying more and more until it feels like I can't explain this to anyone. Like everything I say is not explaining it right even though I know there must be a way to explain it. It feels as if my mind is playing tricks on me. The more I think about it the worse it gets. Then I dwell on this "unexplainable feeling" and analyze it and worry about it. If the anxiety is not bad I can get myself out of the cycle of worry by telling myself it will go away, it's not going to drive me mad, etc. and I get this reassured feeling and I feel great, for a couple hours at most until I get back in the cycle. When I actually believe I'm ok it all stops and I feel fine. When my anxiety is very bad, I can't seem to stop my thoughts and can't pull myself out of it. When it's bad I have no appetite, want to sleep all day and night (even making myself sleep until my body can't sleep anymore and I'm waking up every half hour and sleeping every half hour just so I don't have to get up and face this fear every day). I'm just so scared that something is seriously wrong with my brain and no one has ever felt this before because I always pick the stupidest things to worry and obsess about. It's like I'm bringing this thought/feeling on myself just to worry. I'm so sorry this is long, but I need someone to understand how I feel. I went to a psychologist when I was younger and was diagnosed with anxiety, depression and ocd. I just don't want to think about this feeling anymore and I'm so scared that it's going to be as bad as it was when I first had it. I even went to the psychiatric ER because I thought I had lost my mind back then. I was put on 250 mg of Luvox and was fine for many years until I hit rock bottom again about two weeks ago. I should say also that I weaned myself off of the Luvox so that I was taking only 50 mg a day a few months back and felt fine. Now that it's started up again, I'm building it back up to 250 a day. I have to wait until Oct. 28th to see my doctor. I don't know why I wrote this all out but I just feel so alone right now and I wanted you guys to reassure me that I'm not going crazy! Is this a symptom of ocd or anxiety? When I was younger I had phobias of thunderstorms, the wind, and was a major hypochondriac. I thought I had every disease possible and I was only 8 or 9!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read all of this...
Love, Julia
P.S. I was prescribed lorazepam when needed. Will this drug help with the obsessive thinking or the anxiety?
Julia,
I SWEAR I have the same thing. The mental cramp. It usually happens to me BEFORE mostly and a little bit during my period, too, although I have it more and more often now due to going down on my trazodone dosage. Anyway, I do know how you feel and I believe that it IS OCD. I THINK, although no therapist has told me this, that it is essentially a fear of going crazy. This is extremely hard to explain, but your fear of mental illness (like mine) may be so strong that you start to doubt EVERYTHING you do. Normal activities, NORMAL thoughts, your surroundings, everything. I think it's sudden anxiety caused by an obsessive thought. At least that's what I think, because that's EXACTLY what it seems like with me. I thought I was the only one, and I never actually have tried to put this fear/occurence into words. It IS terrifying and I also analyze it and have extreme anxiety over it. I used to sleep as much as I possibly can to avoid these thoughts, but somehow, I managed not to not be as afraid of them lately, and now I'm actually on a regular sleep schedule for the first time in a while. I managed not to be as scared of it because I realized that it IS just OCD. As much as I fear it may be a mental illness, SOMETIMES it calms me down if I blame it on the OCD and picture a Stop Sign in my brain, as to stop the thought. I then do something else as quick as possible. Of course, that doesn't always work. Lorazepam will definitely tame the anxiety and obsessive thoughts but PLEASE PLEASE only take it when you are practically on the verge of hospitalization. It is sooooo addictive even when taken as prescribed I'm warning you. Why is it that you went down on the Luvox? And was that helpful? I tend to have extremely bad experiences with SSRI's and that's the only one I haven't taken. Take care, and I promise you aren't crazy
Dina
Interesting subject. I have had a sporadic tendency to overanalyze mental stuff as well, and have been a bit obsessive about it in the past. I think it really is a form of hypochondria, but limited to mental health anxiety. It's almost like your brain is simply overloaded with too many thoughts and questions at once, and so you start second-guessing a lot of your thoughts and experiences. I think this feeling is either the result of or a symptom of derealization and depersonalization -- and it is quite scary in the moment.
I think most anxiety sufferers have experienced that panicky, derealized feeling. So, I think it's a combination of 1) a constant barrage of questions about what you are thinking and feeling, and 2) intense anxiety and derealization which serves to magnify that creepy feeling. The derealization makes you and everything around you seem disconnected to some extent, and it's all a result of anxiety and too much "inward" thinking. In the end, it is harmless (though quite unpleasant), and will pass as quickly as it started. The key is to keep yourself occupied and try to stop the obsessing. No matter how hard you try, your mind can only focus on so much in depth at one time.
This fear of mental illness seems to be a common theme among anxiety sufferers, and for good reason. But, as they say, if you were truly psychotic or seriously mentally ill, you probably wouldn't know it until someone told you that you were.
Hi Dina,
Thank you so much for replying, I feel a lot better now knowing I'm not the only one (although I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone)! I had just finished telling my mom that I bet no one has ever experienced this feeling because it's so complicated in my head! I know in my head I'm causing it, because I'll think really hard just to see if it's still there, and then I freak myself out and on goes the anxiety. It was so hard to explain for me because it's not the fact that my thoughts aren't normal, it seems that the feeling behind the thought isn't normal... I don't know if that's what you're experiencing because it still feels like I'm not even explaining it right! I'm feeling a lot better now after taking a lorazepam a few hours ago. Thank you for warning me about it, I know it's addictive and try my hardest not to take one when I'm feeling very bad. I haven't had any problems with it before, it always gives me different effects it seems. Like one day it will make me tired, and another day it'll wake me up and my mind will be so clear.
I stopped taking Luvox because I felt fine for many years. Ever since I first started taking it, I actually felt normal for once. There were maybe 5 days in total that this fear came back in all the 5 years that I was taking it, and it was never that bad. So i thought that I didn't even need the meds anymore and weaned myself off on my own. I should've talked to my doctor first, but everything seemed fine coming off of them. I ended up taking 50 mg a day for about 5 or 6 months feeling fine, until I had a couple panic attacks that came out of nowhere. So I upped it to 100 mg and that was what I was on when my anxiety and fear started up again about two weeks ago (another factor was that I had been going out to bars and getting drunk every night for about 2 weeks straight--hey, I had just turned 19! ) Hopefully, when I start taking 250 mg again it will work just as well. Honestly, this was the first med I tried and it worked wonders. What were the problems with the other SSRI's that you tried?
Thank you for easing my mind
Love, Julia
Interesting subject. I have had a sporadic tendency to overanalyze mental stuff as well, and have been a bit obsessive about it in the past. I think it really is a form of hypochondria, but limited to mental health anxiety. It's almost like your brain is simply overloaded with too many thoughts and questions at once, and so you start second-guessing a lot of your thoughts and experiences. I think this feeling is either the result of or a symptom of derealization and depersonalization -- and it is quite scary in the moment. The higher the anxiety, the more real the perceived threat seems to be.
I think most anxiety sufferers have experienced that panicky, derealized feeling. So, I think it's a combination of 1) a constant barrage of questions about what you are thinking and feeling, and 2) intense anxiety and derealization which serves to magnify that creepy feeling. The derealization makes you and everything around you seem disconnected to some extent, and it's all a result of anxiety and too much "inward" thinking. In the end, it is harmless (though quite unpleasant), and will pass as quickly as it started. The key is to keep yourself occupied and try to stop the obsessing. No matter how hard you try, your mind can only focus on so much in depth at one time.
This fear of mental illness seems to be a common theme among anxiety sufferers, and for good reason. But, as they say, if you were truly psychotic or seriously mentally ill, you probably wouldn't know it until someone told you that you were.
Hi guys, need some advice/reasurrance please... 
) Hopefully, when I start taking 250 mg again it will work just as well. Honestly, this was the first med I tried and it worked wonders. What were the problems with the other SSRI's that you tried? 
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