I'm sure this subject has been covered in previous posts, but I'm wondering if any of you have come to the conclusion that your anxiety/OCD is in part the result of a fear of this condition to begin with? Let me explain further. While I don't think I fit a majority of the symptoms of OCD, I find that some of the anxiety I experience is the result of fearing OCD and other mental illnesses in and of themselves. For example, in reading about various common symptoms of OCD, I find myself identifying with certain obsessive tendencies to a small extent -- but worrying that these tendencies might get worse.
I think that a lot of anxiety I've experienced has been the result of a short experience with panic during a really stressful time in my life. Since then, I get occasional flashbacks to the feelings of dizziness that I experienced at that time, and the dizziness then comes and goes, and can get bad at times and makes me feel disoriented. I do think there is an obsessive quality to anxiety and panic as well. So, in essence, I tend to sometimes obsess about "what this all means" for me since I don't totally fit any one of the anxiety disorders, but do get a general sense of anxiety from time to time. Hence the concerns about OCD and other conditions. There are a lot of self-doubting thoughts that accompany this sense of anxiety, which clearly feed the anxiety and make things worse.
So, I guess my question is -- do this appear to be a form of health anxiety (mental health)? I don't experience compulsions or perform rituals, but I do have some obsessive tendencies, and seem overly sensitive to mood changes and state of mind, so to speak. I seem easily consumed by mental conditions or disorders (probably shouldn't read this board as much!). However, I consider myself a calm, stable person much of the time. It's every once in a while that I get that dizzy feeling back and instantly begin to worry that I won't be able to control it...and then the other questions about my mental health begin to surface (though they seem irrational under normal circumstances). I am not on any medications.
My apologies if the post seems confusing -- just looking for some input here, for those who may have experienced something similar. Any info/opinions would be appreciated...
I'm also more on the tendency side of OCD. I have trichotillomania (hair pulling) and skin picking, along with a few other things. I find that, I'll do a little of my hair pulling or whatever, then become stressed out about it, which causes me to do more. I get so angry at myself for pulling my eyelashes and eyebrows, and when I notice I'm doing it, I become stressed and end up doing more, which causes more stress...etc. I've noticed that people with full blown OCD become more stressed when they can't do their compulsions, but people with tendencies become more stressed when they act on their tendencies. This is not to say that pepole with OCD aren't stressed or angered by their actions, they just have more anxiety prior to the act than OC tendancy people do. Maybe someone with full blown OCD can give a different view of things...
Hey Sanguine. I just switched docs. After listening to me, something the other one didn't do, he said that I don't fit the OCD category but he said that I fit the OCP type. The OCP is obsession-compulsive-personality. Furthermore, he said that I fit the classic case of Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
As you, I identify with the OCD person. Yet I don't exhibit any rituals/compulsions.
I too find myself consumed with disorders. But I get consumed by everything! Most of my consumption is due to curiosity, not fear.
Your post was not confusing in the least. I figure you find yourself analyzing your own thought processes an awful lot.
This self-doubt you spoke of, is it about anything in particular?
Well, I guess the self-doubt comes into play when I'm feeling especially anxious. I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that it is my rumination over life's stresses that ultimately leads to the higher states of anxiety that I experience. I don't consider my life to be tremendously stressful, but I think I get caught up in worrying about the future, improving my financial situation, etc. I'm finding that I get a little too caught up in trying to solve life's bigger problems -- more so than I was able to see. I'm probably harder on myself than is necessary -- it's just that I happen to live in a very high cost area (the SF Bay Area), which makes all of your financial decisions crucial.
Anyhow, my point here is that I overdo it on those types of worries, which creates anxiety and guilt I suppose to some extent. It's easy to see how those types of ruminations can then give way to even deeper questions about oneself, especially when I'm more concerned about and sensitive to anxiety in general. So, my theory is...the stress from the global life issues sets the table for way too much introspection. Then, suddenly, I get caught up in some negative thoughts and doubts -- sometimes very minor, sometimes more intense. I worry about why I have such questions and anxiety to begin with. Basically, just need to learn how to shut my mind off. This isn't an everyday thing, but it has been enough over the past year to cause me some distress.
You mentioned curiosity vs. fear, and I think that's very important. Curiosity is a good thing -- I have a curious mind. But I think sometimes the curiosity gives way to fear, and that's when the self-analysis poses a problem. For some reason, I am comfortable with my thoughts about life's bigger everyday problems. I feel like that's a "normal" burden. However, I think b/c I find "anxiety" to be a weakness, I overanalyze the whys and hows b/c it is an unacceptable thing to me. Most people do. It's not enough that it's uncomfortable...it's somewhat shameful to me I guess. That's where the fear comes in, and the cycle continues. Some of this is about learning to accept these things, and the rest of it is probably just a classic anxiety disorder, even if limited most of the time. But I can help myself by trusting and accepting this...perspective and beliefs need to be changed.
Look at me ramble here. It helps to sort of think out loud and write it down sometimes -- but also a roundabout answer to your question.
So, sounds like your diagnosis is more solidified with the new doc -- that's good. I don't think I'd heard of OCP, but it makes sense I guess. GAD/OCP might be a possibility for myself as well, but my day to day worries really aren't too bad (unless they are and I don't realize it!)...still looking into it.
Anyhow, there's a simple lesson in all of this, I'm sure. Maybe it's just to keep things simple wherever possible.
GAD/OCP might be a possibility for myself as well, but my day to day worries really aren't too bad (unless they are and I don't realize it!)...still looking into it.
My day-to-day worries aren't that bad either. All was tolerable until I developed a sleep problem. It wasn't until the meds that I realized how far things had gotten out-of-hand.
You mentioned that you believe stress from life issues gives way to too much introspection. I always have a background process in my head asking me, "How goes it?" "How 'bout now?", "Whatdya think about this?", "How about that?".... I think a possible cure for the over-introspection is to find ways to help others. Companionship is good too, especially when you are working together towards a real, tangible goal.
You mentioned that you think you probably have some limited anxiety disorder that rears its ugly head now and again. You said that your perspectives and beliefs need to change.
Since my anxiety has been beat a little I have found a new perspective and new beliefs. Only, I couldn't get a new view without losing the anxiety. It's not that I needed a change of view to lose the anxiety.
Fear of mental illness 
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