bundleoff nervs

Ive been on 80mgs of celexa for the past 6 months or more. All I really noticed was that I have these little like finger tips pressing all around my face. I was told its the meds. And yes I get depressed too. Ive also been diagnosed bipolar manic depressive. I dont know what that is all about but Ive been working on the ocd alot and hard. I dont want this illness at all. Ive been suffering with it since I was 9 years old and 25 years later now Ive just begun to get the behavior treated. Im sick to death of worry and rituals. I think I even obsessed about being obsessive compulsive, if you can get that. darn it all. talk about a pathetic obsessor. I get depressed because at this moment im at an impass. Ive done all I can for myself and yet I still cant even get a job or keep my apartment clean, even myself sometimes. I still am having trouble functioning. Im probably worse case scenario. 80mgs is the highest dose one can take my doctor told me. heck im on buspar too, and epival and risperdal. Im still pretty screwed up. All Ive got are a couple of friends, coffee, cigarettes and a father who doubts that im unable to function. Most people I know think im making excuses. They refuse to bother to understand, the walk in a mile in my shoes sort of thing. The only real friend I got is my pal God. It does a person great stuff to rely on someone who loves you unconditionally like God. Ive even read that faith can have a good result on the recovery of a mentally ill person. And Im telling you God makes me feel 100 times better. Without Him Id be struggling and probably still in the hospital.
At least I know He wont judge me or make fun of me like everyone else. I had a great advocate with my mother but since her death 10 years ago I am on my own. My sister and father side with each other (they play favorites) and Im really treated like a black sheep, some one different. My sister is adopted yet I feel like I am the one thats different. Im going nowhere fast. yeeeeeesh man have I depressed myself now. Anyway, thats my story, and depression is part of anxiety. they are related, to eachother like peanut butter and jam to make one heck of a good case of ocd sandwich. its reality and you got to chew and swallow it, at least thats how it is for me. being on the maximum dose of mood stabilzers, and a anti-depressant one would think depression would be my last problem to deal with. Ive just accepted that I am nuts and will be nuts. And if no one likes my excentricities it is their problem.