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Old 10-04-2010, 08:06 AM   #1
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I checked again

Now it's my turn,
I checked today and now i am not happy. Let me first say I was pretty worked up and really should not have checked it. My first reading was 109/78,the second was 122/77, and the third was 114/78. Keep in mind I usually get numbers in the low 70s, high 60s so now I am stressing. My problem is not just obsessively checking but also having unrealistic expectations for the number and if it is anything above 115/75 I am depressed and angry and then I start wanting to check it again and again until it is an "acceptable" number and I worry that I am headed for hbp. I really hate worrying about this, it is so ridiculous but I always hear on tv that we should keep our numbers below 115/75 so I work myself up over every deviation. I know I need to not attach my happiness to my number but that is what I am doing. How do you all go through life and not obsess if your bp is elevated?
Any help would be great.
Ivy

Last edited by mod-anon; 10-04-2010 at 08:30 AM. Reason: Please post your questions to all members

 
Old 10-04-2010, 01:09 PM   #2
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Re: I checked again

those # are fabulous...i think many people, myself included would love to have readings like that. if i got a 109 on my first reading i think i'd get up and french kiss the first person i saw...man or woman. it's so funny...i read your post and think to myself...man what is she worrying about? her #s are normal or below normal and she doesn't even take meds? wow...how awesome. the crazy thing is i sit her and think how "silly" you are being but i am doing the exact same thing. when i was checking everyday i'd get so mad when i could get a 113/55 one day, but the next i couldn't get top # below 125. you are right though, we just get fixated on a specific #. instead of doing that maybe try what my therapist told me...use a range. and generally speaking anything under 135/85 is great...so your readings were GREAT, GREAT and GREAT. 140/90 - 160/100 - OK...might want to check with doc if continued readings like that...200+/120+...BAD - confirm and then maybe go to hospital. you need to sit down get a reading of 130s/80s or below and just walk away. but honestly, i am sitting here writing this and i still can't do it. you need to change your thought process about your BP...not your BP itself. how much lower do you want it? 120/80 is where docs love to see it...so you are right there is that sweet spot. i really wish i could tell you the magical words that fix everything and make you stop worrying and obsessing about it forever...i have been looking for that for a year. don't think it exists though...although if you truly have OCD, an ssri might help. at least you don't even take bp meds...most if not all of us on this board do.

as for me...i'm still in pretty bad shape. 139/86 under panic situation still is not sitting well with me. you were right...i felt so freakin awesome for a couple days. now i'm right back in the dumps...want to run out and buy another home monitor. look at my daughter and feel i'm being so neglectful... actually have almost come to tears a few times because it's making me so sad. i felt on such a high and i want to feel like that all of the time. that's how happy we CAN be and how happy we should be all of the time. i'm working on negative thought stopping techniques...and trying to tell myself...well worst case, just take more meds. for you and me though it's not even the meds...at least not for me. if there was a "stop worrying about your BP" pill, i'd take the whole damn bottle. tired of living like this. i get waves of happiness where it seems as if i "snap out of it" and say wow, you know how good your readings are most of the time...you should feel so blessed. this stuff is really not worth 1 more second of our time...i just want it controlled 100% of the time, but that's not realistic. same thing as you. i think we both need to stop feeling sorry for ourselves...i look in the mirror and it's like 1/2 the person i used to be now...50 lbs lighter...and yet i feel unhealthier. sometimes i wish i could just go back to being fat, drunk and happy...where a 150/90 didn't bother me that much because i knew it was anxiety.

 
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Old 10-04-2010, 02:12 PM   #3
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Re: I checked again

you better not be out checking! stick to the plan...bp is what it is whether we check it or not. checking it isn't "keeping" it low. why bother checking it then if checking it makes no difference on what it actually is. just let it be and treat based on #s over a few months of checking...not 1 day of obsession.

 
Old 10-04-2010, 03:36 PM   #4
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Re: I checked again

Hey Wolverinette,
thanks for the response. You are absolutely right of course. It is so funny that when write about your experience I come on here and tell you how positive you should be and not to check and then the tables turn. I know you are right in that it is not so much about the bp but more about the anxiety and ocd. It is such a roller coaster though like you said, one minute I am googling low blood pressure because I am getting readings like 99/60 and the next I am googling high because I am getting 138/82. It is a perfectionist attitude that we both have because your "panic" reading of 139/86 is not bad at all, easy for me to say right? I know I am trying to control my bp which is of course impossible. I think that you probably feel like I do, just running in circles, trying to eat right, exercising daily even when you don't want to or feel sick and still not being able to control that number. I am going to take your advice of an acceptable range and it should be 120/80. You asked how low do I want it, truthfully I want it 100/70 highest, isn't that crazy? Why do I think that I should acheive that state of perfection? That is the whole problem though instead of being satisfied with good numbers, I want perfect numbers and I think you are the same. I know how you feel though about feeling neglectful of your daughter and family, I know when I am obsessing I can't hardly carry on a conversation and I get so depressed.

I am sorry you aren't feeling so great but you said it, we feel sorry for ourselves and why? If this is the worst problem we have we are doing pretty good. I mean you run marathons, that is no small thing. I think we just have to look at the whole picture, we are fine. This doesn't have to dictate our days and our moods and we don't have to feed the anxiety by checking. Taking a bp pill is not a big deal, I know that...I take cholesterol meds and have for years. I think it is just the idea of it....I don't know.

Have you been checking since your last time? I see your last post and I am not checking although I thought about it. No, I am going to wait because there is no reason to check. I checked and although my numbers were not "perfect" in my mind although they were textbook, they were just fine...yeah right.LOL.

If you think of those magic words to fix this in my head, let me know but it really helps to know I am not the only one.
Ivy

 
Old 10-04-2010, 04:14 PM   #5
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Re: I checked again

Ms. T Hide the monitor.

When I was first diagnosed in 2002 with high BP my Dr. had me get a monitor and I was soooo totally OCD and would freak myself out at times. Even though I am on medication for it, it is still all over the place at the Drs. office..definately white coat syndrome. Seems as soon as my exam and talk with her is over, she will take it and it is perfectly fine. Hubby has the same problem..walks into the Drs. office and it is high, after getting his exam or whatever, it is fine again. My new Dr. even told me...throw the thing in a draw and forget about it unless you are feeling weird.

Some days I know it is low as I get a bit dizzy and when I use to take it when I felt like that it was quite low, other days like everyone else, I get wound up and know it is probably high so I just try and calm myself down.

If your Dr. isn't concerned about it...forget about it too. Good luck...JJ
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Old 10-04-2010, 05:37 PM   #6
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Re: I checked again

Thanks J.J. for the advice and you are so right. The problem is I did throw out the monitor and now I have to resort to going to grocery stores and pharmacies, its ridiculous. If I still had it at home I would be taking it twenty times a day so at least I am not doing that anymore.

I don't know why we all do this, but you are right. My doctor told me to stop taking it but if I must no more than once a month. I haven't been able to make it more than three weeks but I am trying.

My goal today is to keep on doing healthy things, yoga, exercise. I even started getting massages, I know that is healthier than obsessively checking.

Ivy

 
Old 10-04-2010, 08:23 PM   #7
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Re: I checked again

Well at least you tossed the darn thing, that's a plus. Your Dr. is right, as long as you don't have a problem you will only create one by obsessing over BP numbers. They are like roller coasters..up and down 24/7.

I'm on medicine and I still get wacky numbers at times, but as my Dr. told me, as long as it isn't all the time, don't fret about it. Most of the time even in her office my numbers are fairly good..AFTER an exam and talk, but if I am not feeling good, my numbers are usually up, but that comes from not feeling good. I do know how you feel, as I was forever taking my BP till I finally realized I was only causing myself more anxiety by doing it.

As far as the store ones, I doubt seriously you will get any accurate reading from them anyway, as who knows if they are ever monitored for accuracy. Treat yourself to an extra massage and to heck with the BP readings.

Take care, it will pass....JJ
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Old 10-05-2010, 07:42 AM   #8
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Re: I checked again

yeah thanks jj...those words really do help. i am as bad or worse than ms T. my readings are usually very low at home...maybe even too low...130/70 at docs lately...but i have become obsessed over the last year. finally smashed my monitor with a sledge hammer. couldn't just throw it away or hide it...actually had to destroy it. anxiety of not checking vs anxiety caused by checking...it's a self defeating cycle. but hearing others who do the same thing always makes us feel better. i give myself panic attacks over it, then wonder why it's high and get frustrated. body is reacting as it's supposed to. both ms T and i really need to realize how healthy we both are...i don't think we do. i truly, truly think we both feel we are unhealthy people...even if we say we know we aren't. its a change in thinking, not a change in meds or health.

ms t that is kind of funny that you take chol meds...and are so averse to bp meds. but i know what you mean...it all surrounds "heart health". i don't take chol meds, but when it was bouncing around 200 i was worried i might have to as well...

 
Old 10-05-2010, 08:41 AM   #9
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Re: I checked again

wolverinete...I think there are more of us out there then will admit it, and your soooo right. As soon as you see a reading your not happy with, you get upset and what causes your BP to go up...being upset!

My sister-in-law has a good attitude, even though she is on a few meds, she refuses to let it bug her and at 77 years young, she travels all over and is a VERY busy lady. Sure she has her off days, but she keeps right on trucking.

Life is way too short to get upset over small things...that's what we pay our Drs. to do. Hang in there, it usually gets much better....JJ
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Old 10-05-2010, 12:17 PM   #10
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Re: I checked again

That is a good reminder J.J. of your sister-in-law doing so much at 77! Thanks for all of your helpful words, really. Like wolverinete said, we feel like we are old and sickly. I know that when I get a "high" number I feel like I have to be careful and make sure I don't overdue anything. But when I get a "low" number, I feel just the opposite like I can do anything, like I am free and safe and healthy. It is all about the attitude, today I have been going up and down, thinking oh no I need to check it again and it wasn't even high, it just wasn't exactly where I wanted it to be.

Yeah, it is funny that I take chol meds, but believe me I didn't like that either. I have been taking them since I was 27 and I remember feeling so depressed at first. I think the difference is I don't take bp meds "yet" but I worry I am headed that way and I am fighting it where I already lost the cholesterol fight.

J.J. is right though, it is a decision to let it get us down, I am also working on thought changing because mine is really a problem with negative, untrue thoughts not anything else. I know so many people who would be perfectly happy with my numbers and yours too wolverine if you are getting 100s/50s sometimes, but we focus on that one occasional "high" number and forget all of the good ones. I know too that I spend a lot of time worrying about what might happen and it never happens the terrible way I think it will.

Craaaazy!!
Ivy

 
Old 10-05-2010, 12:55 PM   #11
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Re: I checked again

I swear she is more active then me and I am 69. Even when she goes to the Dr. and he says things are not quite where he wants them, she just tells him..I'm doing the best I can, comes home and forgets about it. Usually the next visit all is fine, so like she says..worrying does her no good, so why waste my time. Naturally if things were very bad she would be concerned, but most of the time it is just a "bad" visit, and she carries on.

My husband's new Dr. is a number freak and she thinks his BP is a bit high, usually 140/85 so has tried to push him on more meds. He told our cardio guy about it and he sent her a nice letter stating...He has had that BP reading for the 25 years I have known him and to me it is acceptable, so now she has backed off. Like he tells us, as long as the readings are not jumping all over the place, more meds. is going to be a waste, and probably do more harm then good. We have had him for over 25 years, and he hasn't steered us wrong yet.

As far as wolverinete getting 100/50..Some people here, including myself would kill for that. Mine is usually 130/80, but have had a few higher ones, especially if I am not feeling too great.

Give yourself some time, but I think your starting to realize worrying is NOT going to help. Hang in there kiddo....JJ.....
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Old 10-05-2010, 02:33 PM   #12
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Re: I checked again

well wolverine here can also blow a 150/90 or even a little higher when completely freaked out. i think there are some people out there who are just not capable of having a panic attack. concept is foreign to them. but yes, when relaxed i can get bottom # in 50s pretty easily...top # is tough for me to get below 110 or 115. my doc is pretty strict too...got a 144/80 once when nervous at a checkup and he increased my meds. but...i'm 33. granted, it was 138/70 at last checkup and he didn't seem worried at all. then he'll tell me that he has patient who comes in and reading are 170/110, but at home readings show normal and he won't increase meds!! but he will for me at 140/80? but, then i try to tell myself he is watching out for my best interest...and i am younger...with young kids. so i appreciate it. but, sometimes wonder if i should get a 2nd opinion. years ago i would have loved a doc to say - naw it's just panic, don't take meds...but now that i'm so obsessed about it, even if a doc told me to stop them i still think i'd need them. i've lost so much weight and change lifestyle that i now have my doc telling ME "i'm not worried about your bp"...yet i keep thinking i need more meds. funny how the tables have turned...we just need to convince ourselves. but regardless, jj has it right...just not worth another thought.

i just hate the idea of being 33 and taking more bp meds than some 70 year olds...but who cares. genetic and hand i'm dealt...it's a great hand.

 
Old 10-05-2010, 05:36 PM   #13
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Re: I checked again

Good thought wolverine....not a bad hand to be dealt at all if we think about it right. Hey, you never told me if you were checking now, you mentioned in another post that you were going to check weekly so what is your plan? I ask because you know I want to check...ugghh!

Still working on positive thoughts and calming behaviors. I really liked your thought about checking it isn't keeping it lower so why bother, it is what is. So right and a really good way to look at it. Funny we think the more we check the more we are controlling it but we aren't.

Ivy

 
Old 10-06-2010, 06:19 AM   #14
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Re: I checked again

yeah that was kind of a breakthru thought for me...generally speaking, checking really is not doing a damn thing if you think of it. at least not any good things...in our minds, it's reinforcing to us that it's low...but honestly, more bad things can happen than good. i would suspect the times in my life when my bp has been at it's highest is when i am checking it? so why in the world would any sane person do that? but i think it's just tough for us because we are worried that we are not controlling our health appropriately. that's what it is for me at least. sometimes i wish i had a crystal ball or someone could tell me - you won't have a bp related issue ever in your life...then i would probably just forget about it. the closest thing i've gotten is my doc telling me "i'm not treating something that could happen in 30 minutes, i'm preventing something that MIGHT happen in 30 years"...not checking is definitely better overall...nothing comes of checking except that great feeling we get...but if you really think about it, sticking your arm in a cuff is not making you any more or less healthy.

anyway, no i haven't checked...i will soon. was going to last night after therapist appt...asked him and he said why? 139/86 last time...a little border line, you were anxious...why bother? why not wait another 2 weeks. explained to him how i'm trying to conquer the fear and i want to "force" myself to check...and he does understand that...but recommends sitting in chair and taking deep breaths for 5 min or so. i think you WANT to check more than i do...i want to check it at home, when i can sit on my cuddly couch and relax with no one around and know for sure i can get it normal. i'm still a little scared of checking it in public...not sure why...like jj said, these machines can be a little crazy. but, i also don't want to buy the home monitor...although i wonder if i did buy one now that i might be strong enough now to only check it once a month. but i'd have to do it sitting at dining room table or something, using proper form. i think that's why i should just use grocery stores...i dont know if when sitting a table at home if i should put my arm up on some books or a pillow...doc always holds my arm up in air at heart level when he checks...i personally think that makes it lower for me...maybe it's just mental. but no i haven't checked...139/86 still weighs on my mind...but i'm ok with it since it's not a crazy high # and i know it was panic related. i will check soon here though...i need to...i need to stick to the plan...for myself to do what is hard. but overall i am feeling a little better...

on another note...i have quit drinking for about 5 days and that always makes me feel better. ever since i stopped checking at home, i actually started drinking more...i've always been a few beers/wine after work 3-4 days a week guy...but i'm using it to self medicate now which isn't good. and of course actually makes BP worse at times...love the relaxing feeling it gives me. when i have a few drinks, i could care less about my BP...it literally plummets...proof that xanax would work wonders...but just don't want to go that route. you guys drink much?

 
Old 10-06-2010, 06:47 AM   #15
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Re: I checked again

Don't buy another monitor as you will go back to checking more and more often. You think 139/86 is terrible? I went to the hospital last year for some same day surgery and mine was 168/90. Nurse just said to me..Hey, sorry but your not the highest, we have a 176/102. Of course as soon as the surgery was over, I was back down to 134/80, so see, stress will do it.

When hubby went for his surgery 3 weeks ago his was 172/90. As he was recovering after surgery you could see it coming down and down. I think if you saw those numbers you would panic and only drive it up more. Take your Drs. advice...STOP the OCD of checking....

An occassional drink is fine, just don't use it as a crutch. I am a non drinker, just never cared for the smell of it or the taste, so gingerale is my DRINK!!

Have a great day, and stay well....JJ....
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