Need help with husband with ADHD/ OCD
My soon-to-be ex-husband was diagnosed with ADHD and OCD tendencies. I've been reading some and think he may be a compulsive spender, a compulsive liar, and a mild hoarder. His mother and father are mild hoarders, too. When I say mild, I mean, you can walk in their house, but they collect McDonald's coffee cups (dozens stacked on the counter), wax paper, aluminum foil, rubber bands. Nothing goes to waste. Clothes are piled high, toilets are never clean, the closets are packed full.
I believe his mother also suffers from being a compulsive spender but is also compulsively frugal. She buys only bargain and her gifts to my children are things she has picked up from a garage sale or one of their rental leftovers. My husband is the opposite. He must buy the best of everything and has to a fault.
He obsesses on certain things- blue eye shadow for a time (wanting me to wear it) and then skirts for a time (wanting me to wear them). He repeats the same things over and over, like a saying. He lies all the time. I can tell somewhat when he does it because he doesn't answer me right away. I thought he was doing that to avoid a scene, but I'm not sure. He has cheated on me numerous times and I told him this was the last and we are headed to a divorce. He can't give me straight answers and lies by omission.
He has used up our retirements (both), my medical claim money, and any money he gets his hands on. We have been on the brink of bankruptcy several times. He has bought scuba gear, gone on diving trips to exotic locations, cruises (without me), bought the best lawn equipment, etc... We are now in financial ruin and could lose our house. He's maxed out all our credit cards- steals money from his mother. Sent money to his lover who was blackmailing him. He's out of control.
He is planning to see a psychiatrist, if he can manage it.
Is there any hope for my children's father? What medications are used to control this? He's supposed to have behavior modification to control his ADHD, but has yet to get any help. Any suggestions? My children and I can't trust him and neither can his mother. I dare to think of the things he has done that I do not know about. I think I was only enabling him- trying tough love- if you can call it that. I'm treading on new ground. He's been helpless for a long time- unable to make decisions. It's pathetic.
I hope he gets the care he needs. In the mean time, how can I respond to him? He just doesn't get the fact that I am getting a divorce from him.
And suggestions would be appreciated.