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Old 10-21-2010, 04:28 PM   #1
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is this ocd?? intrusive thoughts

hello all,

i will try to give a quick summary. i am 26 yr old female and i have had a pretty normal upbringing. for the past 8 months i have been having panic attacks and my whole life i have had some anxiety. along with the panic attacks that began 8 months ago, i have numbness in differents parts of my body that comes and goes but is mostly present all the time. i have always thought i was ocd somewhat, for example, when studying for school i would start a chapter and get two pages in and feel like i had to start over, it drives me crazy if stuff is not in certain orders, i obess over everything and think things out and can never just let things go. the past month i guess my anxiety has been out of control, i have had bad headaches, tingling and numbness, eye twitching, facial numbness. almost three weeks ago i had a really bad panic attack on a friday night and then again that sunday and my symptoms never felt like they went away. a week after that i was laying in bed and then this crazy thought of wanting to hurt my dog came over me. i love my dog and dont even know where the thought came. the next few days i had urges to hurt myself and the first few days i had urges to hurt other people. i have been in the bathroom and punched myself and pinched myself and felt such anger, i wanted to burn myself with my cup of tea, just today during dinner i was cutting a tomato and pressed the tip to my hand but i couldnt do anything but the thought was there. i have also felt like i was in a daze and when i would look in the mirror i knew it was me but it didnt feel like me, if that makes sense. i also have been through a mix of emotions but i dont know if its because i get these urges and then it freaks me out and my anxiety sets in and then i get sad and distant and cry. i'm so scared and i dont know what is going on with me. i honestly would never want to hurt myself or anybody else. i dont even like to kill bugs because i feel bad for them so how could i possibly have these thoughts and i cant get rid of them. throughout the day i feel fine for a few hours and then it comes again. am i ocd? borderline personality disorder? bipolar? i want this to go away. please help me.

 
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Old 10-21-2010, 08:16 PM   #2
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Re: is this ocd?? intrusive thoughts

Quote:
Originally Posted by scaredgirl1 View Post
hello all,

i will try to give a quick summary. i am 26 yr old female and i have had a pretty normal upbringing. for the past 8 months i have been having panic attacks and my whole life i have had some anxiety. along with the panic attacks that began 8 months ago, i have numbness in differents parts of my body that comes and goes but is mostly present all the time. i have always thought i was ocd somewhat, for example, when studying for school i would start a chapter and get two pages in and feel like i had to start over, it drives me crazy if stuff is not in certain orders, i obess over everything and think things out and can never just let things go. the past month i guess my anxiety has been out of control, i have had bad headaches, tingling and numbness, eye twitching, facial numbness. almost three weeks ago i had a really bad panic attack on a friday night and then again that sunday and my symptoms never felt like they went away. a week after that i was laying in bed and then this crazy thought of wanting to hurt my dog came over me. i love my dog and dont even know where the thought came. the next few days i had urges to hurt myself and the first few days i had urges to hurt other people. i have been in the bathroom and punched myself and pinched myself and felt such anger, i wanted to burn myself with my cup of tea, just today during dinner i was cutting a tomato and pressed the tip to my hand but i couldnt do anything but the thought was there. i have also felt like i was in a daze and when i would look in the mirror i knew it was me but it didnt feel like me, if that makes sense. i also have been through a mix of emotions but i dont know if its because i get these urges and then it freaks me out and my anxiety sets in and then i get sad and distant and cry. i'm so scared and i dont know what is going on with me. i honestly would never want to hurt myself or anybody else. i dont even like to kill bugs because i feel bad for them so how could i possibly have these thoughts and i cant get rid of them. throughout the day i feel fine for a few hours and then it comes again. am i ocd? borderline personality disorder? bipolar? i want this to go away. please help me.
I'm not sure how the numbness plays into ocd; I've never really heard of that. It could be something completely separate and should be checked out. Don't give into the impulses of hurting yourself or your dog it will only make things worse; get to an ocd doctor right away; don't wait. You have to stop putting so much emphasis on acting out the thoughts, they're only thoughts and they can't control you unless you allow them to. Don't think about how the thoughts make you feel, instead think about how irrational the thought seems because you aren't the person who would normally do these things. Just because you think it, doesn't mean you have to act it out. Dismiss it as a thought and go see your doctor immediately.

 
Old 10-29-2010, 08:35 AM   #3
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Re: is this ocd?? intrusive thoughts

Somebody please help me I'm going out of my mind. I was pretty normal until Oct 12 and its like something in my mind changed or snapped since then. I have all these crazy thoughts. Like the other night I was eating at my bfs house n we were eating chicken breast n I had the urge to tear it into pieces. Yesterday I was walking around home depot n I had all these violent thoughts about taking all these tools n stabbing ppl n myself. Never in my life have I had pica or the desire to eat anyrhing abnormal but i have urges to eat soap lysol even my own feces and trust me I know how sick n twisted that is. I haven't given into any urges but everyday I have been tempted to check myself into a mental hospital. I have been having headaches and numbness in my face n arms n toes.I had a brain mri done last night but won't get the result until next week. I feel Like I'm turning into a killer. I don't know if I'm schizophrenic or bipolar. I have been having crazy mood swings. Please help me through this week I have psych appt next Saturday. i

 
Old 10-29-2010, 12:21 PM   #4
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Re: is this ocd?? intrusive thoughts

Is there anybody? Please. Any advice or thoughts of what I have.

 
Old 10-29-2010, 07:02 PM   #5
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Re: is this ocd?? intrusive thoughts

I have read your messages and it would seem to me that you have anxiety attacks, panic attacks, and depression. Depression can make you think all kinds of ways and if not treated it will turn really ugly. Having some anxiety is normal but having it all the time makes things worse so usually a panic attack will come on. I am not a doctor but I have experienced some of your symptoms and know where your coming from. But only a physciatrist can diagnose you properly. If I were you I wouldn't wait for the oppointment, just check yourself into a hospital and finally you can get some relief from all you have said. But remember, medicines can work fast and others work slower. But if you take my advice I promise you won't regret it. You will see different types of doctors and therapists along with group therapy. There is a light at the end of your dark road. My prayers are with you. Please keep us informed.

 
Old 10-30-2010, 05:39 PM   #6
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Re: is this ocd?? intrusive thoughts

Thank u so much for your reply. I will consider checking myself in if I can no longer wait. Today was a bad day n I just wanted to sleep until the thoughts went away. Now I feel pretty good. I'm actually a little nervous for my mri results. I know my physical symptoms could be anxiety but this mood and mental changes makes me concerned for a brain tumor. I will try not to think about it until wed. I will be updating. Thanks for listening.

 
Old 11-04-2010, 03:57 PM   #7
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Re: is this ocd?? intrusive thoughts

i feel like i'm in such a rut. i feel sad and down. i'm scared and can't stop thinking about what is wrong with me. how do i go from being such a fun and happy 26 yr old who has a great family and bf to one day waking up and having urges to hurt myself and these bad thoughts of hurting others. i feel like i lost myself and there has not been any change of events. i was struggling with panic and anxiety for months but thats it. i feel like a killer, i cant stop thinking maybe i am schizophrenic or bipolar. i finally find out about mri results tomorrow but i seriously doubt there is anything wrong and i bet all my physical symptoms are from anxiety, numbness in feet and hands, face, twitching of muscles, headaches. i feel like im never going to get better. my head has been hurting non stop and every morning i have been waking up with nausea and i have been having these out of body feelings, like im in a dream. i feel like i'm going crazy and i'm going to lose my mind. i have been having these crazy attacks of rage and the urge to pull out my hair, pull out my teeth, pinch myself, it's like i cant feel pain when i'm in that mood and then when the mood passes i am freaked out and cant stop thinking what is wrong with me. i have been feeling empty and like something is missing. i'm not even sure which board to post on here but i just wanted to get this out there to feel a little better. thanks for whoever listened. btw i do have a pysch appt sat. morning and i truly hope i get through this. i think the worst part has been not knowing what is wrong with me and being scared i have ever mental illness out there.

 
Old 11-04-2010, 04:13 PM   #8
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Re: is this ocd?? intrusive thoughts

i just thought of a question for whoever reads my posts...is it ocd when you have the urge to do it but you dont because you dont really want to or would it be ocd if it was just the thought comes into your head? i hope that makes sense. i'm wondering if i even have ocd or not. any thoughts???

 
Old 11-04-2010, 04:17 PM   #9
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Re: is this ocd?? intrusive thoughts

just want to give one last example, the other day i was feeling anger and the urge to take my finger and crush my bone and i squeezed my finger really hard but i stopped myself because i know i would never actually break my finger. is this an example of ocd?

 
Old 11-05-2010, 12:37 PM   #10
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Re: is this ocd?? intrusive thoughts

Did I scare everybody away from me? Nobody can relate?

 
Old 11-06-2010, 02:47 PM   #11
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Re: is this ocd?? intrusive thoughts

well got my mri results and they came back good. i also went to the pyschiatrist this morning and it was very intimadating at first, i have never been to one before and i have always been a pretty shy person. i told her everything i have been experiencing as hard as it was and she said it doesnt sound like a mood disorder or ptsd and thinks it all has to do with my anxiety, she didnt mention ocd. she told me to take lexapro which my doctor had actually given to me three weeks ago but i had been scared to take it. she told me to try to take a yoga class or something. she wants to see me in a month. i took my first pill today around 1pm. i'm scared of all the negative side effects but i figure i try to give it a shot. i was feeling pretty good this morning after hearing my results from the doctor and then talking about everything with the pysch but now i feel a little down. i dont know if its because my boyfriend left overnight with his mom and grandmother to our weekend home in penn. and i didnt go because i have a friends bday party or what it is. i mean i have been feeling like this lately and i know the medicine is not going to take affect right away because the pysch said it could take 4-6 weeks but i'm just afraid im going to have sucidial thoughts after the way i have been feeling these past 3 weeks. so far today i have had a few thoughts but i tried to brush them off. i felt a little anxiety and closed my eyes and waited for it to pass. i just have to keep telling myself its mind over matter. im in control. well thanks for letting me vent as always.

Last edited by scaredgirl1; 11-06-2010 at 02:48 PM.

 
Old 11-23-2010, 07:23 PM   #12
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Re: is this ocd?? intrusive thoughts

I read through all of your posts and this sounds a lot like OCD. I have suffered with intrusive thoughts as well. They are horrible, crippling. I have never had thoughts on harming myself, but others. I would never, ever in the world want to hurt someone (I also feel bad when I kill bugs). The fact that you feel remorse for your thoughts indicates that you would most likely never kill anyone. People who kill others do it for one of two reasons; either it is an act of passion and they feel remorse after the act or they are psychopaths and they have no remorse. You obviously have remorse and feelings, I would say you have OCD and this is causing extreme anxiety, but I am no doctor. I just relate to a lot of what you say. What has helped me with my thoughts is to keep telling myself that I am a good person and that no matter what I think, I know I would never let myself hurt anyone. I also have faith in God and know that He will not allow me to hurt others and that He is always watching over me. List all the good things about yourself and keep reminding yourself of them everyday. Try to get your mind off of your thoughts by exercising, or watching a funny movie. Try breathing exercises and focus on the positive. It is hard, I know this, I have been there. However, it will get better if you want it to get better. Keep us posted, I am there for you.

 
Old 11-30-2010, 07:43 PM   #13
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Re: is this ocd?? intrusive thoughts

I think you've already come a long way from where you were already. You're right it is mind over matter and the more you can see that its an irrational thought the easier it will become. I'm really glad to hear that you've found a way to start fighting it. If you feel at any point that its coming back stronger than ever just remember your mind over matter technique.

 
Old 12-01-2010, 06:52 PM   #14
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Lightbulb Re: is this ocd?? intrusive thoughts

This is OCD. I used to have these thoughts all the time. I dont want to

hurt myself but the thought comes back with a vegance. Try therapy - this

really helps. I just say that thought is silly or ridiculous. I understand and

totally relate to everything posted.

Hint do you like reassurance? I ask my psych if I am a threat to myself-he

says no. Hang in there!

 
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