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Old 10-26-2010, 05:15 PM   #1
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one last time... does this sound like schizophernia?

hello all,

i am 26 yr old female and i have had a pretty normal upbringing. for the past 8 months i have been having panic attacks and my whole life i have had some anxiety. along with the panic attacks that began 8 months ago, i have numbness in differents parts of my body that comes and goes but is mostly present all the time. i have always thought i was ocd somewhat, for example, when studying for school i would start a chapter and get two pages in and feel like i had to start over, it drives me crazy if stuff is not in certain orders, i obess over everything and think things out and can never just let things go. the past month i guess my anxiety has been out of control, i have had bad headaches, tingling and numbness, eye twitching, facial numbness. almost three weeks ago i had a really bad panic attack on a friday night and then again that sunday and my symptoms never felt like they went away. a week after that i was laying in bed and then this crazy thought of wanting to hurt my dog came over me. i love my dog and dont even know where the thought came. the next few days i had urges to hurt myself and the first few days i had urges to hurt other people. i have been in the bathroom during work and punched myself and pinched myself and felt such anger, i wanted to burn myself with my cup of tea, just today during dinner i was cutting a tomato and pressed the tip to my hand but i couldnt do anything but the thought was there. when i feel like that its like i cant feel pain. i have also felt like i was in a daze and when i would look in the mirror i knew it was me but it didnt feel like me, if that makes sense. i also have been through a mix of emotions but i dont know if its because i get these urges and then it freaks me out and my anxiety sets in and then i get sad and distant and cry. i'm so scared and i dont know what is going on with me. i honestly would never want to hurt myself or anybody else. i dont even like to kill bugs because i feel bad for them so how could i possibly have these thoughts and i cant get rid of them. throughout the day i feel fine for a few hours and then it comes again. this is embrassing also but i have had the urge to eat weird random things, soap, feces, and other things that i have thought about drinking.. never in my life have i ever exprienced anything like this and i have not given into these urges...trust me i know how disgusting that all sounds. i have also felt like i'm losing my mind, like i should check myself into a mental hospital, i feel like screaming at the top of my lungs. the other night i dont know if i was asleep or not but this thought came into my head that my ex had another baby(which he doesnt) and then i dont know if woke up feeling confused or i was still sleeping but i couldnt shake this confused feeling and then i thought my bf's grandparents had a baby and i kept trying to tell myself how crazy that was but i couldnt stop thinking all day how i might really think they have a baby when they are almost 80 yrs old. am i ocd? borderline personality disorder? bipolar? schziophrenic? i want this to go away. i have seen my doctor and i am being checked for some diseases such as lyme and lupus and also getting a mri of my brain. i have an appointment with a pyschiatrist in two weeks but please any advice. thank you for whoever read this whole thing.

 
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Old 10-26-2010, 07:28 PM   #2
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Re: am i schizophernic? please help me

To be honest, no one can really evaluate mental health states over the internet, so any guess to a Dx would be just that, guesses.

I think most of the people on this board have been at "that" point you are talking about at some point or another, and I know its going to sound difficult to do, but my advice is to try to relax until your Psyc appointment. Don't stress about what is wrong/right with you and just concentrate on getting through the day. Thats what the Psychiatrist gets paid for .

Best of luck and keep us updated.

 
Old 10-26-2010, 08:15 PM   #3
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Re: am i schizophernic? please help me

thank you for the advice. it is hard for me because i obesess over everything. ever since i started feeling like this 2 weeks ago i have been looking over mental illness and symptoms and i cant stop. i was just wondering if somebody can relate to my specific symptoms.

 
Old 10-26-2010, 09:11 PM   #4
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Re: am i schizophernic? please help me

Quote:
Originally Posted by scaredgirl1 View Post
i was just wondering if somebody can relate to my specific symptoms.... i have also felt like i was in a daze and when i would look in the mirror i knew it was me but it didnt feel like me
The parking lot to my house I often used as a speed trap by police. I became convinced that they were watching me through cameras inside my house, telling a SWAT team to swoop in when I let my guard down. I sounds crazy now, rightly so, but it was life or death real at the time.

As for not feeling like "you" I had the same thing to. It even got to the point when I felt like my body was a just a puppet, and I was somewhere else looking on.

So yeah, I can relate to you.

 
Old 10-27-2010, 12:31 AM   #5
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Re: am i schizophernic? please help me

i had some delusional thoughts in the past too(few months back)

 
Old 10-27-2010, 12:50 AM   #6
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Re: am i schizophernic? please help me

another thing i get is i get flashback of state of mind i was in when i had those delusions. how bewildered i was to have those delusions and other pains associated with it. i get to relive those moments back and it's not very pleasant

 
Old 10-27-2010, 01:20 AM   #7
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Re: am i schizophernic? please help me

wat i mean is:
1) by coincidence i hear a saying on tv or i find myself in a similar situation as before
2) my brain responds: "oh, before when i was paranoid i reacted in a certain way"
3) then i think to myself "damn, that was weird/painful/paranoid"

that is a flashback of delusional thoughts i had before coming back

 
Old 10-27-2010, 02:37 AM   #8
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Re: am i schizophernic? please help me

Quote:
Originally Posted by scaredgirl1 View Post

a week after that i was laying in bed and then this crazy thought of wanting to hurt my dog came over me. i love my dog and dont even know where the thought came. the next few days i had urges to hurt myself and the first few days i had urges to hurt other people.
i had a similar feeling/thoughts/compulsions/urges when i was taking invega and also when i was receiving consta injections.

but for your case it's not effect of drug but you're naturally anxious or wateva so i feel for you. maybe u shud ask ur pdoc some kind of mood stabilizer/antidepressant?

 
Old 11-11-2010, 01:35 PM   #9
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Re: am i schizophernic? please help me

read my post i made in that thread.

http://www.healthboards.com/boards/showthread.php?p=4621406#

Its about how to "heal" yourself and why you have these delusions.

 
Old 11-11-2010, 07:34 PM   #10
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one last time...does this sound like schizophernia?

I want to apologize in advance if this comes out long. I'm a 26 year old female. I have a always been a shy person, even as a child. Around 19, I began blushing when I was nervous which lead me to have a social anxiety disorder. I have always had some type of anxiety and anxious feeling. Always want things to be perfect and always considered about how everybody is feeling and want everybody to be happy. In March, I had my first panic attack. Ever since then I keep having them every so often and I also have tingling and numbness in my face, hands, and toes on and off for months now. I have had tests done and all the doctors say it is anxiety related. For the past 3 months, I have felt very anxious almost 24/7. I felt like screaming aloud. Just normal things felt stressful and I kind of started being a little snappy. About a month ago, I woke up one day and had all these intrusive violent thoughts about hurting myself and others. I had such anger and wanted to pull out my hair, pinch, punch, yell. I would look at people and picture myself doing all these horrible things to them. Mind you I could never even kill a bug before all this. I had urges to eat soap, feces, and lysol, it seemed like whatever I looked at I imagined eating, even though the thought of it made me nauseous. I was sitting eating dinner one day and felt this anger and wanted to take the chicken breast I was eating and tear it into pieces and run out of the room. I seriously thought about checking myself into a mental hospital everyday. I never gave into these urges. I also kept feeling like I was in a dream, I would look in the mirror and I knew it was me but it didnt feel like me. I also finally say a pyschiatrist and she told me I have anxiety. She also told me that dream like state I was feeling was called depersonalization. I started taking lexapro 5mg on saturday. The thing is I can't help but think I'm in the beginning stage of schizophrenia or bipolar or borderline personality disorder. I keep waiting to hear voices or see something. The other night I got freaked out when I was watching tv with my boyfriend and I pictured a window behind his tv and a terrace outside his two windows and I didn't actually see anything or actually think it was there but I just had this thought for a spilt second that it was there. I dont even know if that makes sense but ever since then I have been stressing about it and thinking it was a hallcunation even though I know it wasnt there. I have also been having bad mood swings. I have felt sad, empty, hopeless. I don't know if it's because I started having all the violent thoughts and it scared me and put me in a depression. I have moods where I feel fine and then other times I just want to cry. I also have not wanted to be alone and when I am I think more and feel lost and alone. The thing that is bothering me still though is my thinking about the window in my boyfriend's room, I just can't seem to move past it. At work today I was thinking to myself what other crazy thoughts am I going to have? and then this crazy thought came into my head, "There are monkeys in the bathroom" I am actually laughing as I type because I know how ridicoulous that sounds. Then I had the urge to tell my co-worker that exact sentence. Are these random crazy thoughts that don't make sense hallcunations? I kept thinking to myself what is wrong with me? Now I worked myself up and feel really anxious. I have been on the internet non stop googling my symptoms and I don't know if I am just imagining things like the window or monkeys because I keep thinking I am going to see something or I am actually losing my mind. On the way home from work I was looking at posters and the eyes of the posters looked like they were looking at me and I don't really think that they were or if it was because I read about the delusions that schizophrenics have? Do I sound like I'm in the beginning stages of schizophrenia? Thanks for listening.

 
Old 11-11-2010, 07:37 PM   #11
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Re: one last time...does this sound like schizophernia?

Honey.....no....one last time, it sounds like OCD!!!
OCD makes you think the most unreasonable thoughts sometimes.....things you will never do!

 
Old 11-12-2010, 12:00 PM   #12
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Re: one last time...does this sound like schizophernia?

scaredgirl1 listen you think a thought, lets say a thought to kill someone, this thought is NOT YOURS do not identify with IT, you are afraid because you believie that what you think must be yours and must be you.

The very reason why you even thing these thoughts is because probebly you think a whole bunch and sometimes some bad thoughts might creep in but do not pay attention to them!!!!

Even if you thoughts say all sorts of things they only become dangerous if you pay attention to them, thoughts are mental constructs and are not reality, they do not exist!

You are a very normal person but guidance with these matters is very low in our society and people have doubts about them selves, its a shame, you should not pay attention to them.

 
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