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Old 11-28-2010, 12:40 PM   #1
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Join Date: May 2010
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alex893 HB User
Rocd

just need to rant, having a bad time with rocd this week. it hasnt been as bad lately but now its here.
it feels like i am on edge and have anxiety 24/7 now. im ritualizing more often now and have noticed my rituals are talking longer and longer and longer.
it almost gets annoying when doing them. i got spiked yesterday when my friends were talking about girlfriends and one of my friends kissed another girl. i dont know why but that spiked me a little then he went on to say "I dont know if i like being in a relationship or not, i do but them i dont"
that spiked my even more and basically through the rest of the day. whenever i hear something about a relationship it spikes me and then i ruminize. little things like that bother me or when i hear words like "the end or its over" i have to do a ritual for some reason.
sometimes i dont even realize that im ruminizing (is that wierd?)
lately my rocd theme was constantly analyzing and questioning if i even have (r)ocd or not. now its what if i really do want to be alone and really dont love her. we all know that we question that 24/7 when you have ocd but im questioning what
if i really DONT even with rocd. maybe rocd is just getting worse. thats what it seems like.

i really do love her, i cant imagine myself with someone else, (even though ocd can). i just hate it when i get mixed signals when i go to see her. like before i go i get the "you dont want to see her you want to stay home" or "it will be boring you guys always do the same things"
but when i do go see her i always have a good time. sometimes i get periods of lucidity and everything is fine and i know thats its all ocd, only until ocd returns and doubts any good feelings or thoughts that i have vanish under the ocd.

my gf is finally going to meet my grandparents soon, which brings more rocd and anxiety. does rocd usually tend to come when important events in a relationship come up? it seems like it.

 
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Old 01-12-2011, 10:19 PM   #2
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Join Date: Jan 2011
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Mmaman HB User
Re: Rocd

Idk if you are still going through these problems as of today or if you still even check on here but I'll try to help anyway.

I have been going through the same problems as you recently. I have been reading your posts and the both of us are almost EXACTLY alike. If you get this message, I would like to discuss this with you if you ever have the chance.

Anyways, it sounds like you obviously feel a lot for this girl and you probably do love her since you wouldn't be stressing over this if you didn't love her.
OCD is one of the most painful things anyone can go through next to depression. Strangely, I have felt the most relief when I was in great physical pain just the other day. My girlfriend took care of me and I felt like all of the anxiety and OCD just disappeared from my mind. It came back but it is less severe now.
OCD is basically when your mind, emotions, and feelings betray you. It makes you think things that are not true which then lead to feelings that are not really there. OCD is a corruption that does not want you to be happy, it wants you to worry.
The best way to get past worrying? Stop worrying. Easier said than done but just get your mind off of it. Do things you enjoy, hang out with friends. Discuss these feelings to somebody if you have to just to get it out of your head. We're both fighting it, and we both can beat it.

 
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