| help
Hey everyone,
I recently read Rewind, Replay, Repeat. I could not put it down. I was in awe as to how I could literally put myself in his place as I have experiences the exact same nature of his obsessions.
I am struggling getting through other books, and I am feeling rather ashamed. I have most of them. Freedom From Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is currently being used as a leg stand for my daughter's play saucer, Brainlock is lost somewhere in the house. I recently stumbled on Imp of the Mind this morning. I started reading, and it was the same thing as all the other books. As soon as I get to the chapter or section about when you should worry about your thoughts, I get scared and stop reading.
For example this morning I read that very section. It says you should be concerned if you do not get upset about these thoughts. I went through my six year history with this disease, all my depression, crying, panic, etc. Then it hit me "what if you aren't really upset about these thoughts, what if they are you."
The next part said you should be concerned if you have intense anger towards someone. I got more scared. A lot of my violent obsessions are towards someone or a person related to someone I have had a conflict with. The lady on my block, the child of a teacher a few years back. So it hit me again "what if you have this intense anger"?
The last part talked about hallucinations and voices. Again, "what if you hear voices"?
I feel like I am ready to fight this disease with everything I have. I have all the tools, but I can't seem to get past setbacks like this. Why can't I just realize that I have a mental illness, I have had it since my early 20's, and if I need to just deal with uncertainty. Maybe I do hear voices, so what. Should I take on that approach?
Can anyone relate or give me some advice on how to deal with these setbacks? I don't want reassurance, I want to learn how to be strong.
I know the truth is a am good person and would never hurt anyone. I am 29 years old and have been in one fight my entire life. I threw one punch and broke my hand. Sure wen I was a young boy I maybe teased a few dogs. But I never physically hurt them. And know here I am, searching on the internet about definitions of animal abuse (what a loser i am)
I know the truth is a am good person and would never hurt anyone. I am 29 years old and have been in one fight my entire life. I threw one punch and broke my hand. Sure wen I was a young boy I maybe teased a few dogs. But I never physically hurt them. And know here I am, searching on the internet about definitions of animal abuse (what a loser i am)
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