Trust me these are just thoughts i went through almost my entire childhood having these thoughts on and off. i didnt know when they were coming or when my obsession over them would begin.....like if i was watching the news or something and it said someone had die or someone had killed themselves i would not be able to stop thinking about it...i would dwell on it for a while from anywere to days or to months. But please just remember these thoughts are not real and i can almost 100% assure you that you will not do this. In my case all off my anxious thoughts were things that i knew deep down i never wanted them to happen and knew i wouldnt do them but my mind couldnt help but say what if this , what if that its very hard to deal with in the moment but trust me these thoughts will go away just give it a little bit of time and your mind will litterally get tired of dwelling on it
i know you feel helpless right now but just hang in there and please remember your not alone
