I have been struggling so much lately. I have been constantly obsessing over past mistakes and whether the mistakes are not forgivable. Does anyone else feel like this? I have been frustrated because I have been so irritable lately, picking arguments with my significant other, ect. I sometimes obsess about the meaning of life and sometimes why things seem so meaningless yet so meaningful-like obsessing about the shortness of life. I obsess about death, in many forms. My mom died a little over a year ago and maybe this has contributed to my fear of death. This recent obsession seems so stupid but I recently moved into a new apartment and keep worrying about whether something bad has happened in here prior to me living here (ie. someone dying, ect). I felt embarassed even typing that, like wow that thought is so stupid-but it seems so real to me! These thoughts also cause images of the bad event in my head. It has been consuming my days over the past week or so.
I am constantly worrying about my self-presentation and how I come across to others. I constantly worry that I might offend someone by accident or that I am really a bad person who does not care about others. For example, if I have a thought that is not caring about someone I kind of analyze myself for what kind of reaction I had to the thought. Did I really want that to happen and sometimes I think that I do. I was taking meds and I stopped because I hate being on medication and I can't afford it right now. I recently went back to school and lost my insurance (in the process of trying to get new insurance).
I also have a terrible tendency to think that I'm not OCD and just a weak person. For example, I am not the typical OCD (no major compulsions)-but am an obsessive & anxious person. Anyone who wants to share any similar experiences, I would definitely welcome it!