Originally Posted by goingsilently
I've had intrusive thoughts and i've been looking online and it looks like i have Pure O. What I'm really worried about is that I have acted on the thoughts. one in particular. i'm obsessed with replaying the event and see did i act on the though and i've convinced myself i did, i know i didn't but at night i'm staying awake for 5hours convinced i did and if i did my life wouldn't be worth living, i would rather just kill myself. i couldn't face everyone if i have. Have I? how do i know if i haven't what if i have and i've convinced myself i haven't.
I've had a horrendous thought pop into my head out of nowhere as if it was a vivid memory of something I had done. I was so horrified by what I thought I had done. As we all do, I dwelled on it and picked it apart for weeks. I finally realized there is no way I would do something like that when just the mere thought of it freaks me out. I have way to big of a concious to not feel guilty about things so I know if I had done something that horrible I wouldn't have forgotten about it only to have it come back to me years later as a flashback. If I had done something that horrible, I would have felt that horrible while it was happening; does that make sense? Its not your personality so you just have to let it go. It helped me to listen to some of Dr. Joseph Dispensas videos about the brain and the connections we make, the concepts we create and how the brain throws the concepts back to us. I have yet to read the book "Imp of the Mind" but I think it would probably help tremendously as well. You might want to read it. I wish you the best.