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Old 12-20-2010, 02:49 PM   #1
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vivid intrusive thought

Pure O
I've had intrusive thoughts and i've been looking online and it looks like i have Pure O. What I'm really worried about is that I have acted on the thoughts. one in particular. i'm obsessed with replaying the event and see did i act on the though and i've convinced myself i did, i know i didn't but at night i'm staying awake for 5hours convinced i did and if i did my life wouldn't be worth living, i would rather just kill myself. i couldn't face everyone if i have. Have I? how do i know if i haven't what if i have and i've convinced myself i haven't.

 
Old 12-21-2010, 01:08 PM   #2
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Re: vivid intrusive thought

Quote:
Originally Posted by goingsilently View Post
Pure O
I've had intrusive thoughts and i've been looking online and it looks like i have Pure O. What I'm really worried about is that I have acted on the thoughts. one in particular. i'm obsessed with replaying the event and see did i act on the though and i've convinced myself i did, i know i didn't but at night i'm staying awake for 5hours convinced i did and if i did my life wouldn't be worth living, i would rather just kill myself. i couldn't face everyone if i have. Have I? how do i know if i haven't what if i have and i've convinced myself i haven't.
I've had a horrendous thought pop into my head out of nowhere as if it was a vivid memory of something I had done. I was so horrified by what I thought I had done. As we all do, I dwelled on it and picked it apart for weeks. I finally realized there is no way I would do something like that when just the mere thought of it freaks me out. I have way to big of a concious to not feel guilty about things so I know if I had done something that horrible I wouldn't have forgotten about it only to have it come back to me years later as a flashback. If I had done something that horrible, I would have felt that horrible while it was happening; does that make sense? Its not your personality so you just have to let it go. It helped me to listen to some of Dr. Joseph Dispensas videos about the brain and the connections we make, the concepts we create and how the brain throws the concepts back to us. I have yet to read the book "Imp of the Mind" but I think it would probably help tremendously as well. You might want to read it. I wish you the best.

 
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Old 12-21-2010, 01:54 PM   #3
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Re: vivid intrusive thought

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Originally Posted by recovering View Post
I've had a horrendous thought pop into my head out of nowhere as if it was a vivid memory of something I had done. I was so horrified by what I thought I had done. As we all do, I dwelled on it and picked it apart for weeks. I finally realized there is no way I would do something like that when just the mere thought of it freaks me out. I have way to big of a concious to not feel guilty about things so I know if I had done something that horrible I wouldn't have forgotten about it only to have it come back to me years later as a flashback. If I had done something that horrible, I would have felt that horrible while it was happening; does that make sense? Its not your personality so you just have to let it go. It helped me to listen to some of Dr. Joseph Dispensas videos about the brain and the connections we make, the concepts we create and how the brain throws the concepts back to us. I have yet to read the book "Imp of the Mind" but I think it would probably help tremendously as well. You might want to read it. I wish you the best.
Thank you so much for replying. sometimes I just feel so alone with this. I've went to the doctor and he gave me sedatives but I don't feel I can share what I have thought with anyone. The incident where I am afraid that i acted on my thoughts was a few weeks ago but it has only started to worry me now and because it was a few months ago I can't remember all the details of the situation properly so i'm convincing myself of new details. Playing out a scene that i'm not even sure that happened. I mean I know in my heart it didn't but i keep on having this sense of dread that i did and if i did i'd end up in prison and lose my friends and family. Do you ever get that sense of dread? do your thoughts and memories get muddled?

 
Old 12-22-2010, 04:26 PM   #4
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Re: vivid intrusive thought

Quote:
Originally Posted by goingsilently View Post
Thank you so much for replying. sometimes I just feel so alone with this. I've went to the doctor and he gave me sedatives but I don't feel I can share what I have thought with anyone. The incident where I am afraid that i acted on my thoughts was a few weeks ago but it has only started to worry me now and because it was a few months ago I can't remember all the details of the situation properly so i'm convincing myself of new details. Playing out a scene that i'm not even sure that happened. I mean I know in my heart it didn't but i keep on having this sense of dread that i did and if i did i'd end up in prison and lose my friends and family. Do you ever get that sense of dread? do your thoughts and memories get muddled?
Exactly, there are parts left out because its not a memory; its a story your mind is conjuring up. I have told someone close to me about the one thought that I mentioned but there have been dreams that I would never repeat. Luckily it was a dream and didn't come to me as a flashback that seemed like a memory. I don't think medication alone can do it, I think you really have to know that you are a good person and would never do the things that feel like a memory.

 
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