hi i'm new to this site and i am just looking for reassurance right now actually..
heres my story:
over the past few years i have obsessive thoughts of going crazy and hurting other people. this started early in my high school career and would cause frequent panic attacks throughout the week. i talked to a psych at one point in high school for a brief period of time, but was too afraid of telling him about my thoughts because i was afraid he would want to institutionalize me on the spot.
these thoughts slowly started going away until this year, my sophomore year of college. at one point the thoughts consumed every moment of my day, every single second. i couldn't escape them. until one night i had a dream that caused my constant anxiety to be diverted to another fear.
i had a dream that i was gay, woke up to having a panic attack, and had myself convinced i was gay by that night. it was debilitating. i was supposed to go over to a friends house for dinner, but couldn't because i was so scared something was wrong.
the thing that bothered me was, i knew i wasn't gay, but couldn't figure out why i was obsessively thinking i was.
right before my "dream" i began seeing a psychologist. i told her my problems and said that, since i was aware of my problems, and was scared of my thoughts, that i obviously was not going to be going crazy anytime soon.
i am now on lexapro and am trying to deal with my anxiety problems.
although i am on medication now, i started thinking, (which i OBVIOUSLY do way too much of) what if when im on my medication, the anxiety goes away, therefore my thoughts become okay with me, and i end up doing something stupid. which will eventually cause the anxiety to set in all over again.
basically im on here because. im still having scary thoughts, but they arent causing the anxiety like they used to, making me think that i could mess up one day. then it makes me wonder if i really do have other problems.
or is it because i've had the obsessive thoughts for so long that im just used to having them and so they haven't gone away just yet because ive only been treated for 2 months.
basically i just need some help, because i definitely don't to turn into a sociopath or psychopath.
