hello, i am curious to know if this is a case of OCD or not. and if it isnt, what could it possibly be? the explaantion is quite long but if you could please read it, it would be greatly appreciated. it might be kind of confusing at times to, but please try to clarify it by asking me questions
Alright so usually when i purchase an item like say a guitar or a video game, and sometimes even books, i at first am really excited about owning and having it in my possession. it is something that i look forward to putting my time towards and often provides a comforting feeling. however, a lot of the time, when i purchase such items, there is a thought that all of a sudden goes through my head that suddenly completely ruins that excitement for me. this may sound stupid but it is what it is. like for example, one time i bought a book i was really looking forward to buying, but my mom wanted to read it after. as a result of this, i thought to myself, this book is not completely mine! and suddenly i lost all excitement towards it and i find myself constantly trying to persuade myself that it is infact mine. i am always thinking in my head that "look, you bought this, it is yours, regardless of whether your mom wants to read it or not". this example may sound confusing so let me use another one that just happened the other day.
The other day, i had purchased a video game using a gift card i had gotten for christmas. i was really excited to own the game and i looked forward to playing it so much, it provided this comforting feeling. but hten all of a sudden, a thought entered my head. that is "you used a gift card to buy this game, therefore it is not completely in your ownership". and after that, i had lost all interest in the game. i kept trying to convince myself that it was mine, and that i had payed for part of it with my money as well as a gift card that was given to me. but that didnt help. i found myself constantly looking at the game box to provide some comfort in the sense that it was mine. but it wouldnt help. i constantly kept thinking about it, and it is stressing me out. i cant look forward to it. so i went out to walmart where i bought the game and purchased a separate item that was of the same value of the gift card i used, hoping that i could somehow say that the gift card money was put towards that instead of the game, therefore the game would be my complete ownership because the game would have been bought with just my money. it helped for a little bit, but then after that, it did not help at all. so now i am just not playing the game and forgetting about it because its causing me to much grief than what its worth.
sorry for the long explanation, but could someone please help me.