Obsessive thoughts about getting schizophrenia, anxiety, very scared. Please help
Hi everyone, im reaching out for any advice you can help me with.
This all started december 2009 i began to get anxiety after taking these weightloss pills. I started thinking i had some kind of stomach bug. I wasnt sure what it was. All i know was i couldnt stop thinking about it for 2 - 3 days and i ended up spending 2 nights in hospital and i didnt throw up or anything, was just in a scared panicking state. After that i didnt touch any drugs until i went to the snow last yr. i did some speed and smoked a joint to try go to sleep, though i couldnt sleep. i stayed awake the whole night and developed this fear all of a sudden that i was getting psychosis, schizophrenia, these thoughts evolved and became obsessive. I went and saw a psychologist straight away, we did some counselling and within a week i got myself good again. In december last yr i went to America for three weeks, i was doing some heavy drinking. i began to notice that after a big night out, the next day id get anxiety and start to get these ongoing thoughts for 1-2 days and it would be about something so stupid that id finally get over it. In January this yr i went to queensland for 5 days with my family. i was with an uncle up there who suffers from schizophrenia, now you are all going to automatically think, that its in the gene, though he did have a very traumatic life, with a very abusive father who beat him from a young age. Anyway i wanted to know more about how it happened to him. One night after i had a fight with my girlfriend and started feeling all anxious,i approached my cousin in a bid to relax myself and talk my problems out. I then asked him and he explained to me that my uncle was a very aggressive person, he apparently got married and that after the split up of his wife he said he felt his head was busting. He was taken to hospital and began medication, and has never got off it since. I automatically thought of ive what id been going through the last few weeks. The anxiety and obsessive thoughts began happening again, ive had it for 5- 6 days now and this time its about getting schizophrenia, i feel like these thoughts will never leave my mind. I feel like im going crazy, and when i do manage to block it out i start to think im feeling better now than all of a sudden i feel like this voice says to me "thats what you think". Its like this negative barrier. i feel like im crumbling and im crying as i write this. Im feeling so overwhelmed by it all. Im now struggling to even sleep. Im Finding it hard to focus anymore. i saw my psychologist and she said its time we step it up and see a psychiatrist. Please if theres anything helpful you can tell me especially how to sleep would greatly appreciate it. I feel like theres no hope, like ill never be normal again?