. I have been absent from here for awhile, which is good because I have been feeling good emtotionally but bad because I feel like I abandon you guys when things are good and only reach out when they are bad. First of all, I'm sorry about that. Second of all, does anyone else think that's a little overboard?! I mean, I'm sure that no one here even noticed that I was gone, yet I feel guilty... geee I wonder why!
So yes, been better lately then out of nowhere it hit a few days ago. Now it's gotten so bad that I am having dreams (me breaking up with him, just being single, then him breaking up with me---- literally all of those in a row on three different nights!), feeling nauseous with worry, and feeling really anxious. As I'm sure you all understand I don't want to end my relationship. The thought of that seems to snap me back to reality when my brain is going really crazy and than god that has been helpful these last few days, but man this is terrible!
It's so wierd that sometimes I start to think: man, he is so nice, I could marry this man! Then the next minute I'll be thinking: Is he too nice? Is that boring to me? IT's ridiculous. I can literally direct my worries towards the most crazy things: things that are really little (he was quiet during dinner), to things that are insane to worry about (like questioning things that I know are great about him).
Thank you guys for listening. I really needed to remind myself what's really going on. Really, thank you guys for being here.