Hey there, first, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I never had an issue with HIV (yet, I'm sure I will given the time haha) but for some reason my issue was with herpes. For some reason, nothing freaked me out more than the idea of contracting herpes. I would check all the time (never saw anything, I'm not even sexually active right now!) It got to the point where I was too scared to even look down in the shower and I washed my hands like my life depended on it because I was scared I some how had it and would spread it to other people through touching. I would cross my arms, not touch people, I made numerous doctors apointments for them to check to make sure. Nothing was ever found. Just wanted to tell you, cleaning doesnt matter, if you had HIV, you would already have it. Also, HIV doesnt mean you're even going to die soon. That doesnt happen until AIDS virus sets in which could take many years. I know I could clearly explain everything about how the cleaning and ritualizing makes no logical sense but it wouldnt make it all stop. Sometimes it helps me to laugh about this stuff, so please feel free to laugh about my plight with the fear of getting herpes of all things. You are definitely not alone. I know this stuff just freaks us out! But its not real. Thats the great part. Feel better soon. I would maybe buy a book about ocd with tactics to calm yourself down while at work?