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Old 02-20-2011, 09:05 PM   #1
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Location: Boise, ID USA
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martymart1979 HB Usermartymart1979 HB User

So, I have OCD, anxiety and occasional panic attacks. Things have been really rough for me lately. For the past couple of years I have been obsessing over life, death and mortality, analyzing and questioning everything, I obsess over things like what goes where, why it goes there, or why I even have it at all, I'm constantly making lists, buy things before they even run out and so on. I moved to a new city a couple of years ago and I rarely see my family anymore which I think has made my symptoms a lot worse.

Anyways, regardless of all of these things I still didn't feel too bad and felt as though I had it all under control, but a couple of months ago that all changed. My girlfriend and I were at the store and I got really tired and things didn't feel right. It was Friday, but it seemed like a Sunday or something and I felt really blah and anxious. I went to bed that night and had weird dreams and woke up with a horrible panic attack. I couldn't shake the weird feeling.

The next weekend we took a trip out of town and I just felt anxious and strange the whole time. When we got to our destination all of the sudden it was like I slipped into another world. I got the weirdest, scariest feeling and it made me have one of the worst panic attacks ever. It's hard to explain the feeling. It's not really a physical feeling. It's like my reality has been twisted into a weird dream. Everything looks really unfamiliar and twisted. I haven't felt right since. Things that I used to love now kinda give me the creeps. Even when I think of some of my best memories from the past I see them differently. It's such a scary, gross feeling. I know I went through something similar to this when I was younger, but I never thought it would come back. It sounds like a form of derealization, but I'm worried that it may be more. I'm not sure what to do. I started seeing a counselor and I'm trying to exercise and eat better. I just want to see things like I used to. This feeling is miserable.

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Old 02-26-2011, 03:09 PM   #2
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seekcalmness HB Userseekcalmness HB User
Re: Derealization?

This must be a really scary feeling. It would be a sort of hopeless feeling and I sort of think I know what you mean. However, I have never had a full blown panic attack...but I have felt that derealization feeling somewhat. I have A LOT of obsessions about the meaning of life, death, ect. I have been obsessed with the question that life is so short and somewhat 'meaningless'. I am attending graduate school and am on the verge of making some major strides in my life. All they seem to do is scare me. Maybe that is why I am afraid.

Anyways, I know this probably isn't helping you with your feeling but just a message for you to know that someone is listening and cares. Keep seeing your counselor. You seem to have great insight and a desire to stay well. The mind is a powerful thing. I am afraid of mine. (laughs) I don't know when to believe it and when to tell it to go to get the idea.. Keep taking care of yourself.


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