I need your thoughts, opinions and comments on my current situation right now. I really do need your help and assistance in this matter as things aren't going so well for me. Here goes.
A little bit of a background of myself. I tend to always check several times upon leaving the house if the cooker is off, the lights are off and so on. I would go out of the house, lock the door, come back in and check the same things. Then I would make sure if the door is locked by trying to open it when its locked. Does this label me as being OCD?
I have been in a relationship for the past 14 months. Somehow my girlfriend seems to be quite insecure about me and used to ask a lot of questions relating to my past. She began a barrage of questions sometime in September last year, that's about 5 months ago. She kept on asking me about my past. She was quite persistent.
So I ended up telling her absolutely everything about my past. And I mean everything since I began to have chest pains. It was as if someone was sitting on me. She didn't take it well at all.
After which I got bothered with this particular thought. Prior to our relationship getting under way, I told a few friends how she looked like my ex-fling. I felt guilty for saying that thus my anxiety built up for several months. I would wake up everyday with a terrible chest pain and at times I would feel lethargic, thus, waking up late during the day. At first i thought it would go away but the chest pain never did.
So after about 3 months, I had to tell her as I couldn't live everyday of my life like that. Again, she didn't handle it well. It was terrible in fact. She met up with another guy for half an hour who happens to like her and she wanted to see "how the feeling was with other guys". I forgave her.
Moving on, a few weeks after I started to have negative thoughts. For instance, the name of my ex-fling would appear in my mind whenever I would see my girlfriend. And at times I would get reminded of my ex-fling whenever I would be with her too. To add on, sometimes when we would be making love or kissing my mind would think that I am doing it with my ex-fling.
I can't stand these thoughts and I want to stop thinking about it! My mind seems to have a mind of its own. I can't seem to control it.
Suddenly, I started to feel guilty and I began to share all my thoughts on my mind with my girlfriend. EVERY SINGLE THOUGHT. So I would tell my girlfriend the above thoughts and she definitely wouldn't take it lightly. We had numerous, if not, daily arguments with each other about my thoughts in my mind as I can't seem to stop telling her everything.
The deal is, if I don't tell her everything I would begin to start having chest pains. And the only time the chest pains would be relieved is when I have to tell her the thought that has been bothering me. It's a cycle, a never ending cycle.
1. I get bothered with my thoughts
2. I get chest pains
3. I tell her
4. She creates an argument
5. My chest is relieved
6. A day a later, I get another thought
7. Back to Square 1.
What's the problem here? Can you guys help me out, please? I am in need of help.
Okay so I think that your chest pain is anxiety and the fact that you keep telling your girlfriend about it is a compulsion. Confession in ocd means that you constantly have to tell someone your thoughts so you reassure yourself that they are not true thoughts. A compulsion is something you do in your case confession in order to feel relieved from your anxiety. I think with ocd we want perfection, and we feel like we constantly need perfection, so because you compared here to your ex-gf you freaked out. The only way your ocd will reduce is if you accept your thoughts as being there, you can't sit around and fight with your brain. Just keep your thoughts to yourself or post here to get help educate your gf and tell her about rocd, but don't bring her self esteem down by telling her.