Relationship ocd/ocd in general
I want to start off by saying hello to everyone as this is my first post. I absolutely love this site and am so glad i found it. Firstly i havent been diagnosed as ocd but i know for a fact i am. Im going to start off by saying i didnt really realize it until my psychologist/counsler mentioned it. The earliest i can remember was when i was around 20. I would always make sure stove knobs were turned off way too long, and i would even count out loud looking at each one also door knobs.
When i was 21, i was watching the Terry Shiavo(sorry on spelling) case and when they were talking about how she got how she was, they mentioned small quick headaches as one of her symptoms. At the time i was having small quick headaches and got the most intense butterfly, anxious, sweating, pain in my chest feeling ive ever felt. So in my mind im thinking, think of something else, so i tried to think of the most ridiculous thought and im afraid to admit this but it was of harming my own mother!!! How is that possible?! I thought i was going insane!!
This lasted for almost 3 months of nonstop thoughts of it. And iylt would occasionally jump from her, to thinking i was gay, to worrying somehow i picked up aids. I couldnt sleep, i couldnt eat. As soon as id wake up it was right there in my head.
Now im engaged to the love of my life and i think its rearing its ugly head again. We moved into an apartment together last week but it started the sunday before. We were at her grandmothers and the thought popped in my head out of nowhere. I have ups and downs. Just last night i felt 95% back to normal after upping my lexapro to 60mg. Now ive only been on 60 for about 2-3 days so i dont know if its really taking effect yet. I love this woman more than anyone ive ever been with in my life. It would destroy me to not be with her.
The two thoughts that keep bouncing in my head are am i still in love with her or do i still find her attractive. When its not one thought its the other. I have an appt set up with my dr to discuss these things cause he helped me through it last time. Its an absolute nightmare as we all know. Cause it seems to single out the most important things or people in your life. Any opinions or comments are appreciated. Thank you so much for this site! P.S. My father also has ocd. He told me of when he was at work how he used to count stuff and obsess over tiny things. Not to mention when i was a kid and wed get home, as he shut the car off hed have a ritual of going from first to second gear three or four times to make sure it was in gear. Lastly i do recall as a child i had a big fear of my parents dying. Id think about it almost nonstop especially getting ready to sleep.
Last edited by Spydrman; 02-26-2011 at 12:34 PM.
Reason: More info