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Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board


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Old 03-09-2011, 09:34 PM   #1
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Tallahassee, FL, USA
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lifeisnice HB User
can't shake this

i'm a freshman in college and made out with another guy (who i wasn't attracted to) two weeks into dating my boyfriend. it was a stupid mistake after a night of drinking and probably the worst thing i've ever done and completely against my morals. i've never done anything like that before and i never will again. at the time i felt really insecure about our relationship and that i cared more for him than he did for me. the make out was i think, in a way, my screwed up way of proving to myself i didn't need him, and that i would be ok without him if he left. i was tired of feeling defined by my (at the time unrequited) love for him...well, we're much closer now and have a deep, mutual love. i recently told him about my indiscretion and he forgave me and said he understands.

the problem is i can't forgive myself and move on...it's almost like telling him made me feel worse. it brought up the old feelings of shame and guilt. i feel like i'm stuck and can't love him the way he deserves because of this crippling guilt. he asked to not hear details because they hurt so i didn't tell him them....but do you think i'd feel better if i did? he also asked me to forget about it and let it go because he has, but i can't. i still feel this overwhelming remorse and disgust at myself and like i'm too 'broken' (sorry to be a cliche!) by this to offer him good, strong love. should i tell him more details? should we take a break until i get over this? i have this crazy compulsion to confess. i was over it but now it's back with a vengeance. what should i do? and feel free to lecture me about what an awful person i am, but it's nothing i haven't already told myself. and thank you for the help.

 
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Old 03-15-2011, 01:38 PM   #2
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: bristol
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Katy1978 HB UserKaty1978 HB User
Re: can't shake this

ah bless you i had a smile when I read your message cos you sound like such a sweetheart...fancy punishing yourself for a little slip up (one that is very normal by the way! esp at your young age!) I think the fact you owned up and he forgave you shows you have a great strong relationship and I definitely feel that youve suffered enough for your little mistake and anymore remorse over it could make you really down. Youve gotta put it in perspective hun and realise that you did what lots of people do when theyre young and exploring their own feelings. Let me tell you that Im in a happy relationship (as are most of my thirty something friends) and we still enjoy the thought that weve still 'got it' and could pull if we wanted to, we dont make out with guys but we would have a few years ago!. Its perfectly natural to need to feel attractive to other people (esp if you were feeling insecure with your boyf at first) and kissing someone else is a typical way of proving you dont 'need' your relationship as much as you fear.Its not right to cheat but it happens sometimes and a kiss is only a kiss. in your case, I think you can safely say it will never happen again so put it behind you. Im sure your boyf doesnt want the details and he just wants to forget it so think of it as making it up to him by allowing you both to do that. File the whole memory in a little mental box called 'silly mistake' and make the best of your relationship. If you really want to make it up to him Im sure he wont say no to spending some quality time together, cook him a meal, write him a card saying how much you love him and plan lots of great things together, look forward to the future. You definitely arent a bad person, and as indiscretions go, your one is very very mild! so smile and move on chick...

 
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