Obsessing over my looks in a relationship?
Hello. I'm in my first-ever serious relationship with an amazing guy. He makes me happy in every way except one - I feel ugly with him. I have always struggled with really bad self esteem, but it's gotten worse now that I'm in a relationship and I have constant panic attacks.
This is the thing - he admitted to me (because I asked repeatedly on many occasions) that when we first met he wasn't attracted to me (I was a 6 out of 10, according to him.) He says I'm prettier now, but I still feel like he probably just got used to me. I know I'm not ugly, since other guys have asked me out and called me beautiful. But I can't seem to get over the fact that I wasn't pretty enough for my boyfriend. I've considered dumping him on many occasions just for this fact alone. (I also think I have Relationship OCD, and I'm going to see a therapist this week.)
Is it normal to feel so ugly to my own boyfriend that I'm tempted to wear revealing clothes just to get attention from other guys (so that my boyfriend sees that I am indeed attractive)? I have also starved myself to lose 20 pounds so that I can be prettier and skinnier. I feel like my low self esteem has become a barrier in our relationship. How can I get over this? I don't want to feel ugly forever. Please help!