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Old 05-03-2011, 03:17 PM   #1
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anxietyfreak HB User
Smile Help for people with Relationship OCD

My Beautiful Partner wrote this last night and she has made me feel good about myself, knowing i don't have to feel like i`m a bad person anymore
i hope she makes sufferers and partners able to deal with this horrible cruel illness


The Indescribable shoes

How does one describe the indescribable? A life where there is never a certainty, but forever a continuation of torturous doubt.
A life where Love cannot be felt without pain. A simple thought cannot be had with a compulsion to analyze....A smile cannot come without guilt... and a lifetime of loneliness feels the same as never being alone.
Trapped in a world where you are never certain if a thought is really your own....A world where the illogical merges into the Logical...
Sweating, Panic, guts twisting and Fear....A never ending Fear.
A fear of the unknown....But the unknown is you.

Take a moment, any moment in your life with the one you Love, a moment that fills you with happiness...... Now think about that moment.
Were you really happy on that day? Did you pretend to be someone your not to make that person happy? Where you really in love on that day or did you just say it? Did you question anything on that day? Are you sure you felt love or was it just lust? Were you relieved when the day was over? Are you supposed to be relieved for a day to be over if your in love? Do you still feel that way about them now? Are you in love or out of love? Do you feel trapped or anxious when they ask you to do something which you really donít fancy doing? Do you make up excuses? Do you lie? Should you lie when your in love with someone? Does that make you fake? Was that day really all that happy or are you just remembering it that way?......Are you Sure?

Heart starts to race, stomach feels a little knotted, you keep looking at those questions, becoming a bit panicky and in comes fear....because your not sure anymore....One beautiful moment in time, in love... that you now no longer have the certainty in your mind of what you felt....and itíll eat at you. If you were so sure before, but now youíre questioning it....is everything else Real anymore?
And now you begin to think of other moments....What about the disagreements? What about that time they irritated you?....Are you really sure this is the ONE for you?


You wake in the morning, they are coming over tonight....anxiety sets in, have you been a fake all this time? How can you look at them in the eye? How can you tell them you love them when your not sure? How can you be affectionate...when you look at them and just see questions? Is this fair on them when you donít know how you feel? Should you just get through this and hope the right feeling comes.....?

They leave, it was wonderful.... so beautiful, so amazing, so IN LOVE.... Now you can just chill out, relieved theyíve left.... Wait, if youíre in love, should you be relieved itís over with? You told them you loved them, you made love....it was amazing.... but now your relieved theyíve left...Well are you in love with them or not? You donít know.


Now you feel guilt..... Why are you so scared of not knowing how you feel? You donít know.... You donít know anything any more....Maybe it would be better if you just ended it? All these feelings would go away...The pain of the twisting knotted gut, the need to crawl out of your own head, away from these constant questions, that now seem to spoil every single moment that your with them, that you think of them, that you remember being with them.... But you donít want to, you love them your sure you do!

But are you certain?



Youíve just spent 10minutes in the life of a person with ROCD.

Now imagine having those ten minutes last, for years....throughout every single relationship youíve ever been in. An ever growing hate of your own mind, your own thoughts...Trapped in a never ending cycle of uncertainty. Not knowing if you can ever be just happy.
Obsessing over the questions in your mind, analysing over and over to the point of exhaustion, Ruminating over every past moment, every past relationship.... from the moment you wake till the moment your mind finally switches off for sleep... A constant compulsion to find the answers, to find a certainty... A constant fear of never finding those answers, of the questions never stopping, of waking everyday with the same pain....that itíll never get better.

Your bed is wet from the night sweats, the anxiety thatís even found you in your sleep, tired from the restlessness, unable to get away from your thoughts even in the darkness....you wake up knowing the day is going to be just the same..
Knowing that feeling a brief moment of Euphoria will be shattered by the gremlin that enters your mind, the one that makes the questions.....
Knowing that even in a moment of peace, anything can trigger a Spike...A reference to a relationship, seeing a happy couple, a photo of a girl you once knew, a song about love....anything can bring that gremlin back.... The knots, the sweating, the nervous swallowing....

You end the relationship, this will make the gremlin go away.... Your filled with emptiness, loneliness and heart break... for a brief moment you know you were in love.
Devastation that youíve broken off a relationship, when you were finally in love....you miss them, you canít bare to be without them....it hurts.
You want to go back, you want to take it all back, you do love them, you do want them...It was just your mind telling you differently....

You hate being you, you want to take all the thoughts away, you want to be in love without constantly fighting your own mind, your own thoughts....Theyíre not yours theyíre someone elseís. Without constantly being tortured....by something that you canít even see, something thatís inside of you, that you canít escape from, something that never goes away.....

And then the Obsessing, the Ruminating begins....Analysis of that relationship, you want to let it go, you need to but the torture carries on.
The gremlin hasnít left you, the tactics have simply changed.... Now youíre filled with hurt and heartbreak, analyzing the relationship, obsession over the thoughts, compulsion to find the answers.
You talk, you have to talk...it makes you feel better, you have to let it out.
You have to ask people for the answers and.... back comes the Spike....They werenít the right one for you, your afraid of commitment...


But how can you be afraid of commitment when all youíve ever wanted is to love, to be loved, to have a family and just be ĎNormalí.
But if i get all these feelings when iím with someone, then i must be? If those people have told me thatís what it is then they must be right? ..... right?
Your doomed to live a life of loneliness, you canít be with anyone because of the Gremlin....your only going to end up hurting innocent people that have no idea...you canít live with the guilt.

You lay in your bed through night and day, you see the sunrise and the sunset,
The gremlin never goes away...
What day or the week is it? You donít know, you donít care.
Whatís the point in being here....youíll never find the answers anywhere.


OCD affects 60% of the population, when people hear the name they associate it with obsessive cleaning, lining up pencils, washing your hands....
The core basics are all the same Obsession Compulsion... With the form of OCD you see on the TV most days following people who have a constant fear of germs, obsessing over germs, a Compulsion to clean to get rid of the irrational fear.
Itís easier to understand, you can see it with your eyes.... but the thoughts in the persons head are still there, the gremlin is still there... are they certain theyíve got rid of all the germs?

If i clean again the gremlin will go away.
If i end the relationship the gremlin will go away.

OCD is a neurological disorder, that is fueled on Irrational fear and Compulsions to make it go away.

Having ROCD as you can see above is based soley on relationships.

*final note*

Having ROCD does not mean a person cannot love, in fact suffers of ROCD tend to be much more considerate, sensitive, loyal and loving compared to one without ROCD. This is due to their extreme awareness of emotion. They will also often fall much more deeply in love due to their own extreme emotions.

A person with ROCD is likely to want to be loved and feel loved more than anything else.

It has been said that the better the relationship, the worse the ROCD symptoms.

The thoughts which an ROCD suffer has are called ĎIntrusive Thoughtsí This means that the sufferer has no control over them.

A partner of an ROCD sufferer can learn to understand, that the ROCD has absolutely no reflection on how the sufferer feels about them and that the relationship itself is not at fault....it is the symptoms of a neurological disease only.


Relationship Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, otherwise known as "ROCD" or "Relationship OCD", is an unofficial term for a form of obsessive-compulsive disorder that is defined by the behavior of "relationship substantiation".

Regardless of the form of OCD, it will involve both obsessions and compulsions which are the problems that need addressing, and they are all equally as treatable through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Medications

 
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to anxietyfreak For This Useful Post:
Steve1974 (05-05-2011), thatgirlxo (03-01-2012)
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Old 05-03-2011, 03:31 PM   #2
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Eyes2thesky HB UserEyes2thesky HB UserEyes2thesky HB UserEyes2thesky HB User
Re: Help for people with Relationship OCD

That was beautifully written and very accurate in how this disorder really feels. I'm glad she understands it so well, because I have problems myself explaining ocd to people. A lot of people just write it off like I'm Monk or something, but its much more painful than that. Thanks for sharing.

 
Old 05-05-2011, 06:28 PM   #3
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taylorsmom93 HB User
Re: Help for people with Relationship OCD

Wonderful. Very well said.

 
Old 05-19-2011, 09:34 AM   #4
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Re: Help for people with Relationship OCD

I am not sure if my boyfriend has ROCD...i know he loves me and tells me all the time i am the one he wants to be with but i still feel as if he has doubts...all his friends are girls and i have gotten phone calls from girls saying he has been seeing them behind his back...but the main thing i think he might have ROCD is that everytime things are going great and we are both happy, he feels the compulsion to either break up with me or start a fight and ruin the feeling of happiness. He explained to me that the reason he does this is because he thinks the only way to obtain the feeling of happiness is to fix the relationship. He likes the high of love and happiness after making up and doesnt understand that you can have that high all the time...not just after fixing a fight or break up. Is this considered ROCD?

Thanks for the help!

 
Old 05-26-2011, 04:39 PM   #5
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laurasc HB User
Re: Help for people with Relationship OCD

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for posting this. I have tears of relief streaming down my face for knowing that I am not alone! I am a newlywed...been married for 8 months. I love my husband. He is everything I have ever imagined him to be. I couldn''t ask for a better partner for life, as he is truly my best friend. I have been plagued by these terrible thoughts for over a year...since we got in engaged this started. It has had periods of remission, but if my husband and I get into an argument (which doesn't happen that often and is resolved) it seems to worsen. I have always been a worry wart, but I think my anxiety is becoming worse the older I've become. This ROCD being my main problem. BUt thank you so much for writing this. I'm considering getting my husband to read it.

Last edited by moderator2; 05-28-2011 at 06:15 AM. Reason: to remove the huge quote

 
Old 05-28-2011, 05:36 AM   #6
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kyamada HB User
Re: Help for people with Relationship OCD

thank you for this.. i now know I have ROCD now...You have described everything so accurately...I am extremely emotional and my partner finds this hard to deal with, he says i cry too much. Our relationship is strong but I often feel very overwhelemed at my level of emotions and their intensity. I wish I were more relaxed and down to earth... You are very lucky to have your partner..

 
Old 06-02-2011, 04:18 AM   #7
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Mkillia1992 HB User
Unhappy Re: Help for people with Relationship OCD

I've been going through the samething..... First it was HOCD then ROCD.... I've been depressed for a month and 2 days... I want it to end I want to keep loving my Boyfriend I know I am in love with him b/c I get really happy when I see him and gets upset when he leaves.. I am really close to him and he is my first love and my first for everything. I only had 2 people in real ife that I dated my ex (bestfriend) and the man I am with now.

I dated my bestfriend 3 times I broke it off with him bc he was not my type and it felt weird dating him. Plus we never acted as couple anyway and I loved him but not in love with him. Also I belive me and him are better off as friends.

The man I am with now is 19 years old just like me. He is perefect for me! We have alot of things in common but with some differences. He is also my best friend. He has lived with me and my family for a year we started liking eachother after we got to know eachother. We were always near eachother none stop. I love hearing him talk and he loves hearing me talk. But he had to move last month and I have'nt been taking it well..... We are in love with eachother I don't wanna leave him at all!!


I've been depressed none stop with no meds (Which I'am working on) But like I said before first it was the HOCD then it turned the ROCD... it's depressing here what it makes me think I'll put the to big ones first




1.You love your ex still/You don't love your Boyfriend...
2.You using him
3.It's denial
4.you don't care what happens to him...
5.Everytime you say I love you is a lie..
6.you have nothing in common
7.He is gonna give up on you
8.He needs someone that really loves him
9.The only person who will ever love you is ur Ex Bf.....
10.It makes me think I have a crush on a person IDK


There is much more but it hurts alot to write all this...Everytime I wake up in the morning I think I don't love him...... and that I love my ex..... I HATE IT!! I hit myself on my head all the time due to this I just want the thoughts to stop I cant stand it.. These thoughts feel so real and I can't tell if their real or it is bc of the ROCD.... I am really scared........ I go to therapy which kinda helps.. I just afraid it's all me! I love my bf very much and even my ex can see that me and him really love eachother just by looking at eachother. Damn everyone can see it! I know I can have a future with this guy I know I can. I am just metaly sick right now


I just wanna know if it's really me or the rocd..... someone please write back please I feel like I am gonna shutdown........................

 
Old 10-02-2011, 09:51 PM   #8
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HangoverxGirl HB User
Re: Help for people with Relationship OCD

thank you for posting this...i have dealt with this for almost all my life and i'm only 19...and it has been affecting my relationship with my loving boyfriend (who has stuck by me through it all) for almost 2 years. my parents don't believe anything is wrong with me...there isn't a day goes by i don't feel tortured...that i feel like a dissappointment to my own parents because of how i'm living my life...thank you for writing this...it makes me feel like others also understand...

 
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