Hi, i'm Abbie. My 'tapping' problem first began when I was trying to find a way out of self harm and reduce my suicide attempts. I know, it sounds like the two things don't link, but trust me they do! I have to tap a surface or an object 55 times with my right hand and then 55 times with my left hands but in a certain sequence, if it goes wrong or I lose count I have to start again. I started tapping to try and distract myself from self harming or suicidal thoughts, i'll be too busy concentrating on the tapping and sequences to think of anything else. However, my only problem that I have now is that I can't stop tapping. If I don't tap then i'm scared that i'll get all the horrible thoughts again. It's fate/god putting these horrible thoughts in my head because i'm supposed to die (because they must be there for a reason, and that reason is because god put the thoughts there.) If I don't act on these suicidal thoughts then God and fate will be out to get me and i'll be killed and die. So I have to 'tap' whenever that thought is put in my head or else God will try to kill me.
Not sure if this is OCD, i've only ever been diagnosed with depression. Hope someone can help or give some advice?