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Old 03-06-2011, 09:00 PM   #1
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: United States
Posts: 1
Pinkhouse1987 HB User
Exclamation sudden OCD (or pure O)

Hi out there,

I've been building up the nerve to post my own experience to this forum, but I want you to know I've been following this conversation and reading the forum for several weeks now. I read about other peoples' experiences every night before bed and it gives me so much hope and relief as I suffer from the very same thing. My life until January 22nd was peaceful, full of love and support and good friends and success. I had no reason to fall into a depression. But the OCD or perhaps pure O, started quite suddenly with violently imagery one night at my best friend's birthday party. For the next few days everyone I looked at I imagined dead in some horrible way. I even spent one day convinced I was a pedophile. I stopped eating. I dropped 10 pounds in about 3 days. I lost the will to live and thought I was going crazy. It wasn't until I started doing some googling and finding stories like yours that I was able to understand I had a problem and needed help. Now I am very open about these bad thoughts - which always involve the people I love most- and I see a therapist (CSW) once a week. More recently the voices, as you describe, have begun. As scary as they are, I think the voices are mainly our own good conscience bullying us. I hear the same things like "you must want to kill..." "you should kill..." "You're probably going to..." I've also become hyper aware of my feelings and question every little thing I do. I wonder to myself, "did that make me mad?" "am I angry?" "Do I not like that person for some reason?" "Am I about to snap?" It is agony for sure. I contemplated suicide too and have decided I would kill myself before I would hurt anyone I loved. It still feels crazy and I'm just beginning my healing process. I don't wish this problem on anyone, but I am so glad to know I'm not alone. Thanks so much for being open about your obsessions, and I hope I can give some hope to another soul out there too.

 
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Old 03-08-2011, 04:04 PM   #2
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 0
ucs412 HB User
Re: I feel like im alone with intrusive thought. reply if you feel like this please

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pinkhouse1987 View Post
Hi out there,

I've been building up the nerve to post my own experience to this forum, but I want you to know I've been following this conversation and reading the forum for several weeks now. I read about other peoples' experiences every night before bed and it gives me so much hope and relief as I suffer from the very same thing. My life until January 22nd was peaceful, full of love and support and good friends and success. I had no reason to fall into a depression. But the OCD or perhaps pure O, started quite suddenly with violently imagery one night at my best friend's birthday party. For the next few days everyone I looked at I imagined dead in some horrible way. I even spent one day convinced I was a pedophile. I stopped eating. I dropped 10 pounds in about 3 days. I lost the will to live and thought I was going crazy. It wasn't until I started doing some googling and finding stories like yours that I was able to understand I had a problem and needed help. Now I am very open about these bad thoughts - which always involve the people I love most- and I see a therapist (CSW) once a week. More recently the voices, as you describe, have begun. As scary as they are, I think the voices are mainly our own good conscience bullying us. I hear the same things like "you must want to kill..." "you should kill..." "You're probably going to..." I've also become hyper aware of my feelings and question every little thing I do. I wonder to myself, "did that make me mad?" "am I angry?" "Do I not like that person for some reason?" "Am I about to snap?" It is agony for sure. I contemplated suicide too and have decided I would kill myself before I would hurt anyone I loved. It still feels crazy and I'm just beginning my healing process. I don't wish this problem on anyone, but I am so glad to know I'm not alone. Thanks so much for being open about your obsessions, and I hope I can give some hope to another soul out there too.
Hi Pinkhouse, Have you thought about medication? I too was in the same place about a year or so ago and I couldn't eat. I would throw up b/c of the thougts everytime I ate...so I lost weight quickly...which I could have used, but did not want to lose weight that way at all! I had to be hospitalized for a week...it was awful, but you will get thru this!! You need to see a therapist, which you are and get on some medication. That is what really helped me...plus I read a book "Imp of the Mind" that made me feel I wasn't going crazy. IT WILL GET BETTER...please remember that. I know it's hard right now, b/c you can't see thru it, but it will. These thoughts AREN'T you...so remember that. They seem to haunt people who are the most caring...which is why they say this whole thing stems from anxiety. Let me know what you are doing to help yourself. Is there anyone you can turn to that will understand? How is your therapist? I really recommend some medication...I hate to say that, b/c I don't like taking a lot of meds, but it has really helped me a lot. Thinking of you and wanting you to know there are people out there that care and have experienced the same thing. You can email me anytime.... Take care...

 
Old 03-15-2011, 04:42 AM   #3
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: bristol
Posts: 25
Katy1978 HB UserKaty1978 HB User
Re: I feel like im alone with intrusive thought. reply if you feel like this please

Hiya Travis, you poor soul! I think you sound like such a strong person for recognising this and asking for help. I think its normally the people that ask for help that do manage to resolve problems. I hope this helps. I am 32 and a caring and kind woman, well most of the time. I had OCD for 15 years and it became a stressful and tiring battle, one that I only recently resolved. Aswell as all the typical rituals and counting, lucky numbers and colours etc, I also had intrusive thoughts. When my daughter was a baby I almost hurt her. I felt so sad and angry. Luckily I managed to leave the room and all was fine but I scared myself. I also had thoughts of hurting my mum who is unwell with her own illness (not mental illness) and got so frustrated with her. I also work for a disabled lady and have been close to losing it with her. My boyfriend who is the loveliest person ever once almost had a vase smashed over his head because I became overwhelmed by my feelings of anger towards him. It was like I wanted to hurt those vulnerable and who were upset or low at the time. I thought I must be a pyscho and literally capable of murder. I didnt hear voices bit i did feel like i was given 'signs' by outside things like roadsigns, adverts, articles, particular words would stand out, it was so weird.
However, I never carried out these things. I wrote a journal, I exercised and started eating healthier and never taking any recreational drugs like cannabis, I drink occasionally but this doesnt affect me. I make sure I do things to occupy my time and dont allow boredom to get to me by over thinking things. I take calming walks, I talk to people when I feel rubbish and I try to think of all the good things I am, kind, caring etc. Im not mad or bad, just sometimes my brain is a bit different than other people (imagine you had a broken leg or a tumour, people would give sympathy)but OCD feels different somehow, its still an illness. and youre like me and many others. There are ways naturally to help like St Johns Wort and Agnus Castus, also tablets from the doctor to help to balance the chemicals that can cause OCD. I hope you dont feel alone....you sound as if you are a caring person and trying to ask for help, thats more than some. Plenty of men hurt their wives and actually get a kick out of it. You are NOT one of them, you think it but never do it and are trying to get help. In my book that makes you strong brave and worthy of help. Go to the docs, a counsellor, write a diary, eat well and take care of YOU....do whatever it takes. you will get better....dont give up. Reply if you need any advice, help etc...your are so not the only one...

 
Old 04-27-2011, 06:49 AM   #4
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: edinburgh , scotland
Posts: 1
SLeh8 HB User
Re: I feel like im alone with intrusive thought. reply if you feel like this please

hi there travis i have been having the exact same thoughts as u for the past year or so, but have been battling anxiety for about 9 years. i dont take medication because the doctor i seen was no good, i always get a different doctor every time i go to the doctors so its too hard for me to open to so many different people. i have been going online looking for the symptoms i have been having and it was scaring the hell out of me that i could hurt my girlfriend with all these thoughts and last night was the worst but then i came over this website while in bed and the relief i had knowing i was not alone was brilliant, i calmed right down. i still dont really no what to do, how can u tell someone, that your having thoughts of killing people u love dearly, where do u start. i feel if i tell someone i will get locked up or put in a mental home so i feel i am battling this alone in my head. any advice would be much appreciated???????????

 
Old 04-28-2011, 05:17 AM   #5
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Jackson, MI
Posts: 0
paulywalnuts HB User
Re: I feel like im alone with intrusive thought. reply if you feel like this please

hello travis, first let me say, you are not alone, i have the same thoughs as you, im even on the same meds as you, and just like you, they work sometimes. the key to this, from what im learning is that, the fact that you are in pain over these thoughs, shows you would not act on them, i have good days, and bad ones, and what helps me,is learning the triggers to some of these things, i keep a journal, and that helps. but most of all, this site helps as well, just to know that we are not alone, but together, with a common cause. i have not been diginosed yet, but im working on it. hope this helps you, if not, im here for you. peace.

 
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