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Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board


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Old 08-31-2011, 11:02 AM   #1
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: springfield illinois
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daddio477 HB User
mentally drained

Well here goes nothing . I believe that I have what is called ocd pure o. I have these nightmarish thoughts about harming loved ones that keep me in a heightened state of anxiety. I realize that they are not true and that I am not even capable of such things but yet they persist. I have sought help with therapy and medication but to little relief . the shame and guilt I feel make me squirt around the edges in therapy never really addressing the issue. I am hoping just putting this out there will give me a little relief. I know that it is just the illness causing the thoughts and I should not let it effect me so bad but I am a stubborn pridefull man and this the hardest thing I have ever faced. so many nights I have laid in bed praying they stop wanting to share my burden but having no one to confide in. I am so afraid of someone thinking I am crazy or becoming frightened. just needed to get this of my chest, I know this is my burden to carry just tired of doing it alone.

 
Old 08-31-2011, 01:35 PM   #2
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Location: Phoenix, AZ, USA
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dnbode HB User
Re: mentally drained

Dear Friend, I'm so sorry for the pain you're going through. I understand what you're talking about. I too have suffered with horrible thoughts about loved ones that left me with so much guilt and shame that I thought there was no way out and that I'm the worst excuse for a person on the planet. But that isn't true and there is hope.

Please know you are not alone and you are very courageous for posting here. I understand about guilt and shame keeping us from being open about what's going on in our head. That's the last thing we want to do - actually verbalize these things. But, it really does help and starts giving you the power instead of the OCD. Once you therapist knows your struggles too, it will better enable them to tailor your treatment to be the most effective. The real key to finding relief is not making the thoughts stop, they won't, but working with your therapist to learn not to value the thoughts. To just view the thoughts as static that will pass. It may sound like that is an impossibility right now, but please just try to put trust in the fact that there is hope and you can do this no matter how hard it is.

I hope you can find some comfort in something here, just please know that you are not strange or bad, you have OCD and you don't have to do it alone. Strength and blessings to you...

 
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Old 08-31-2011, 09:23 PM   #3
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daddio477 HB User
Re: mentally drained

Thanks so much for your words of encouragement,it has been a long day for me today. The doctor prescribed a new med last week and the side effects are horrible. My intrusive thoughts have diminished but now I am on edge constantly my stomach is in knots my head hurts and it feels like I am on speed. I told him I would try it for a while to see if my body would adjust but if something doesn't happen quickly I am stopping the new med. I know there is hope out there and someday I will find it. I believe God intended for us all to be happy and I intend to find mine. thank you again for words, God bless you

 
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