soakedinthesea

I'm a 20 year old female and I've on and off wondered if I have OCD or if I'm prone to OCD for the past couple of years. I know no one on any website can give me a real diagnosis, but it would be helpful to hear opinions from those who are officially diagnosed with OCD.

I have always had a lot of generalized anxiety. In some areas it has diminished as I've gotten older and in some areas it has gotten worse. I'm always terrified I'm doing something wrong and this fear can be so paralyzing that I don't make any decisions at all or I put them off. I need some reassurance that I'm not screwing up and I will often ask people if I've done something wrong.

I am a little afraid of germs and contaminants, but they don't make me go out of my way. I do check the expiration dates on stuff before I eat it, and even if it's expired the day before, I won't touch it and I'm repulsed that it exists in the house. I have fairly common thoughts of contracting some rare/uncommon disease... usually anthrax. I am not afraid of being around friends when they're sick or anything, but my immune system is extremely strong and I can kiss sick people/drink after sick people and suffer very minimal symptoms.

I have some thoughts about harming friends/family members and they can get graphic, but they're not difficult to push out of my mind. I have always worried about getting abducted, ever since I was really little. It sometimes inhibits my ability to do things by myself, although it is getting better with time. When I was 16/17 I avoided applying for jobs because I knew I would have to walk outside by myself at night to get to my car. I still do avoid going to a few places by myself, even when it's daytime.

I don't have compulsions, really. If I wake up after someone in the house has left for work, but it's still too early for me to be awake, I'll often check the doors/windows and sometimes the house to make sure no one is inside. I don't always do this and I have to be awake enough to do so, and it doesn't cause significant distress or anything.

I don't think I actually have OCD. But I am really worried about developing it somehow and that I'm more prone to it than others. The age of onset for females is about 21-22 and like I said, I'm 20.