I have been reading these boards for a while, and whenever I'm feeling particularly awful it's comforting to know that there are others out there experiencing the same thoughts/situations. Today is a really bad day for me, and I would like to vent...
I have been suffering from OCD for four years now, and ever since then my life has never been the same. My fears and obsessions have gone through several phases and themes, but the one thing that remains the same is that awful feeling of dread and truly horrible feeling of anxiety. From the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep, it's this horrible feeling that something awful is going to happen to you, and you spend every moment trying to avoid any possible situation it can occur. Once you experience that feeling, you're never the same person. it's impossible to go back to being the person you used to be, and although you gradually learn to live with it and find ways of coping, it's never completely out of your mind.
I noticed that my OCD flares up when I'm going through stressful situations and right now would be one of those times. I'm extremely stressed about work and my career in general. Things are not going well at my new job, I just relocated back home, and I am worried every day that I'm going to get fired, won't be able to find a new job, and will never work again. On top of this, I am terrified that my boyfriend will leave me and have convinced myself that I'm not good enough to be with him. Lately I have been spending every single day in constant despair, and end up in crying spells.
My anxiety has really taken a toll on our relationship. My boyfriend is trying to be as supportive as he can, but I'm sure he feels like I"m crazy and unstable and is tired of putting up with this. I unintentionally push him away and start fights because I'm scared he's going to leave me, and it's ruining our relationship. I need help before I completely push him away. The past couple of days I've really been forcing myself to be happy around him and not let my depression show, because I just want to be normal and do not want him not to think I'm this psycho he has to deal with on a daily basis. But inside I'm feeling so awful and am living with this obsessive feeling of dread and constant fear something horrible is going to happen. I don't have any reason to feel this way and it seems it's coming out of nowhere, and lately it's been getting worse