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Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board


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Old 01-28-2012, 04:05 PM   #1
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Unhappy Recently diagnosed with OCD, having a hard time

Hi, I was recently diagnosed with OCD after dealing with it silently for 3 years. My story is kind of long so I'll shorten it as best I can. I've lived through a lot of trauma. I was sexually abused when I was young and emotionally abused my entire life while being bullied at school. At eight I started helping my mom raise my three siblings. (I'm not telling anyone this for pity, just to explain my story a bit) In highschool I had a long distance relationship this guy and that's when it started. I would worry about catching any and every disease, even STDs when I was abstinent. I couldn't read the side effects of presciptions even OTC medicines or else I would freak and think I was getting the symptoms. It was written off as just anxeity and me letting stuff get to me. My mother basically told me to deal with it without medicine. And then my Grandfather died. He was the closests thing a real father I had. He and his wife (My step grandmother) were the only people who took care of me. They took me to the doctor, dentist, they took care of me like parents should. He was hit by a drunk driver three days before my 18th birthday, he was in accoma until three days after when he died. When he died I started getting thoughts about harming other people. I didn't want these thoughts. They made me sick and sometimes I'd lock my self in my room trying to get them to go away. Over time they got easier to deal with and only happened when I was menstrual. I thought I had PMDD, and I might still, because I would get horribly depressed and anxious. So for three years I sucked it up like my mom would want and told my self that as soon as my life got better, my mental state would get better. It wasn't so. Feburary is fast appoarching and with that my thoughts of hurting others got so intense I finally pulled my mother into a room and confessed what was happening and how scared I was. I didn't care if she thought I was insane, I didn't care if she threw me into a mental hospital never to see the light of day again, at least I knew if I snapped people would be there to stop me. She called the local mental hospital/rehab center to ask their advice and they told her to take me to the hospital where I was evaluated and they said I was nonviolent. I was then taken to a crisis center where they also determined that I would never hurt anyone and set me up with a psychiatrist. I talked to him for an hour and he diagnosed me with a (luckily) very treatable OCD and gave Zoloft and ambien to sleep. Unfortunately, Anti depressents take a couple of weeks to work so right now it's like I'm fighting myself. The psychiatrist today said that it would be hard to get through it at first and The Ambien hasn't helped me sleep. And I'm incredibly fustrated and exhausted. My mother changes the subject everytime I talk about it. She's so busy, and spread so thin that she has nothing left to give me. All I want is her support to fight this but I feel awful for asking her support and I shouldn't have to feel that way. My siblings don't know what's happening and they're really hard on me and hard people to deal with and my step dad cares but not enough to offer any real support. I know my mother loves me and I know my family loves me but I always get the shaft in my family and I suck it up and plaster a smile on my face anyways but the one time I need support I find myself standing alone. I've barely eaten and slept, and I can't relax because my OCD won't stop feeding me these horrible thoughts and I keep telling myself I have to remain strong and fight it but it feels horribly hopeless sometimes. I'm already horribly depressed because my grandfather's upcoming death anniversy, and the fact I never properly grieved for him, but the OCD is making it worse. I'm starting to hate myself because of these thoughts.

I found this forms while looking for ways to cope with it until I can start therapy and the anti depressents help (hopefully). I do feel blessed that it is a very treatable case. And knowing there are other people who have had the same thoughts and struggles I have does give hope. I joined this forum to hopefully find some sort of support and maybe advice from people who have been through it.

 
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Old 01-29-2012, 12:10 PM   #2
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eriksp HB User
Re: Recently diagnosed with OCD, having a hard time

The drugs unfortunately do take time to work. I would also suggest you keep a Diary/Journal to keep everything from feelings and to current dosages of your medications. Believe me this will help you. You can use this Journal to get both your feelings out and for documentation that will show you when you start to make improvements. You may also need to try different medications and you can go back to this Journal for reference.

 
Old 01-29-2012, 02:18 PM   #3
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eriksp HB User
Re: Recently diagnosed with OCD, having a hard time

I will only talk about what helped me

First thing you should do is get a Journal and write down the dosage of your current medications when you started them and Milligrams.

Write how your are feeling each day. This journal will allow you to see the progress your making.

As far as the thoughts go.. I can only tell you is that each time they entered my mind I wouldn't fight it. I would say to myself "I know what I have and it's treatable" You also know your not going to act on these thoughts. You have to start believing that. It will help you a lot.

Don't ever hate yourself for your thoughts we all are just different. Just like people have medical conditions and take meds everyday so do we.

The medication helped me very gradually. SO gradually you can't even notice. But soon you will see that as quick as the thoughts enter your mind they just keeping moving on and you won't dwell on them.

 
Old 01-29-2012, 02:20 PM   #4
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eriksp HB User
Re: Recently diagnosed with OCD, having a hard time

This will be the 3rd time I posted and my message doesn't appear

I will only talk about what helped me

First thing you should do is get a Journal and write down the dosage of your current medications when you started them and Milligrams.

Write how your are feeling each day. This journal will allow you to see the progress your making.

As far as the thoughts go.. I can only tell you is that each time they entered my mind I wouldn't fight it. I would say to myself "I know what I have and it's treatable" You also know your not going to act on these thoughts. You have to start believing that. It will help you a lot.

Don't ever hate yourself for your thoughts we all are just different. Just like people have medical conditions and take meds everyday so do we.

The medication helped me very gradually. SO gradually you can't even notice. But soon you will see that as quick as the thoughts enter your mind they just keeping moving on and you won't dwell on them.

 
Old 01-30-2012, 09:36 AM   #5
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yourealouse HB User
Re: Recently diagnosed with OCD, having a hard time

I want to thank you so much for responding! Your advice is good advice and I will follow it and see if it helps any! Thank you again.

 
Old 01-30-2012, 04:13 PM   #6
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eriksp HB User
Re: Recently diagnosed with OCD, having a hard time

If I can help you with anything please let me know.

 
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