Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: york england
ocd i cant take this anymore i dont know what to do
hi im 40 years old ive got ocd really badly, i have washed my hands obsessivly since i was young 5 or 6, i can remember hand washing from 7 years old, as a child it was good and bad times, some times i was normal and my hand washing calmed down, some times i washed them that hard and long they were red raw and that didnt stop me washing them.
its just getting worse and worse, my fear is germs. main one warts and verrucas, i had both as a child, my verrucas didnt bother me at the time, i had them treated that was that, but my warts covered the backs of my hands and spread and spread, my mum wouldnt take me to the doctors, so i went myself on the way home from school, he was supprissed at how many i had, and one hand at a time treated them, froze them off, i was about 14 or 15 at the time, i believe he missed 3 warts but was a child and too scared to speak up, still today i believe one of these warts is on my finger, so i always wear a plaster over it, always without fail, and ive done thsat for 10 years now.
so now my main ocd stems around being affraid of catching warts, and that i have contaminated everthing ive touched over the years with my warts, things i touched 10 or more years ago before i wore the plaster are still contaminated with the wart virus.
my doctor has looked at my finger and said theres no wart there, he says the wart virus can only live for a few minuits on a object, like tap, door handle, steering wheel etc etc,still i cant stop washing, both me my hands my body objects, when i first started wearing the plaster it calmed things down a bit, as i was always catching my finger on things, i had to wrap tissue round my finger to put coats or jumpers on to stop my wart finger touching the sleaves.
but now 10 years on everything is so contaminated my 3 kids my wife are just going round the house touching everything,well being normal and slightly messy, but its driving my ocd mad, i wash after anything i touch, i cant cuddle my wife or kids, i cant help round the house,
it gets worse this really gets me down, i have to wash my privates before getting dressed on a morning, and after going to the bathroom, because using the loo even if it doesnt, i see and feel things splashing up on to my privates, so i need to wash and change, and the washing changing underwear can take a hour and several pairs of pants and socks
also i see things flying off other people on to me or off furniture on to me so i need to wash
everything in my house is now contaminated, i have my own toilet roll own other essential things that noone is allowed to touch, i cant even answer the house phone, not that im affraid of callers, its contaminated
my doctor says ive got tourettes syndrome and personallity disorder too, because i shout out random words/sentances and swear alot, and i issolate and dont like people i hate the fact that other people are happy
im on no medication or councelling ive had both but nothing helped
i constantly wish i was dead and would love to be able to quallify for uthenasia, i recentally slashed my wrists got sectioned for about 4 hours told them everything then they told the police to take me home, whats that about??? i need help
my wife and kids do loads for me like open doors turn tv on put dvds on etc etc
i want it all to go away either me get some good improvment or just die not be here.
im also so insecure, was in and out of care as a child addopted at age of 9 sexually abused at 12 by a man, on my second marrage and so scared of loosing my kids and wife, because in my past noone has stayed in my life, im also scared of freek accidents happening to my close familly
i also have ocd as in stand on that paving stone or crack or go this way do that not this etc otherwise my familly will die.