I would like to think what I'm experiencing is OCD.
Hey everybody. So for the past year or so, I have been having really weird thoughts/ things come up in my head that I do not want. Let me first say that i'm getting into my late teens and am in high school. Up until recently I was taking Zoloft, as according to the doctor my brain does not make much if any saratonin.
I have a girlfriend who I have been dating for almost 2 years. The first thoughts I had started randomly one day. I was getting lunch and then all of the sudden after seeing some girl, thoughts of her and others slowly manifested themselves in my head. I did not want to be with them, but sexual thoughts and the like would continue popping up. I felt really guilty, as I had a girlfriend and only wanted to have her on my mind. The thoughts only got worse no matter what I tried to do to get rid of them. I couldn't deal with all the guilt, so I told my girlfriend and at first she was mad but then understood. These thoughts still occur, and now I feel as if I have to do some weird mental thing where I think of her only before I do certain things such as go to bed. If other girls pop up, It starts over and I won't sleep until no other girl pops up. Really odd, I know haha.
Recently, something popped up in my head after reading something about a kid who needed tutored at our elementary school. I have no idea why, but all of the sudden a thought of being inappropriate to him popped up. I really hate typing that, as I am not that type of person at all. After this, I could not shake the thought. After a few days and now weeks, seeing or hearing children will bring up these thoughts and they will just pop up by themselves. Being a teenager and having a lot of raging hormones (this is going to sound really odd, so please bear with me) I will sometimes just feel stuff down there when the thoughts come up. Not extreme feelings or anything, but enough to make me feel sick. I feel when one disturbing thought pops up, it starts a chain reaction.
If this sounds like OCD or something to you, please let me know. I feel I cannot be as happy or go through my days feeling normal with these thoughts. I often think look at all these happy people around me, they don't get these thoughts. Thank you for reading this.
Re: I would like to think what I'm experiencing is OCD..
I'm on here myself because I think I have OCD. And I have read on here (where are all those posts now?) about people going through the same thing as you. I saw posts on here - years ago now - where women who were breastfeeding had horrible panic attacks and they seemed lucky in one respect - they had understanding partners, husbands etc. I used to have the same kind of thoghts and had to try really hard get get my head on straight - it took me 3 years before I could function normally. I agoraphobia, panic attacks, etc. Now they are back. And I live alone which makes it worse. I find myself isolating myself - I'm even afraid to take a bath now which back then I didn't seem to have that problem. From what I've read on here it sounds like OCD. But I can tell you one thing YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
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