I'm a 24 year old female from Los Angeles who essentially has everything going for her - good school, a great boyfriend, on the right "path" in life with a career..but I have these terrible obsessive thoughts that are driving me insane. I really need help and I don't know where else to turn and I feel so, so alone. I cry every single day and I want to stop. I'm terrified that I've ruined my life, wasted my youth, that I should have gone out more, I am resentful of my culturally strict family that I have to live with after school is done (and this is definitely something that adds to my anxiety because I am essentially trapped and have to deal with my extremely strict family), and it doesn't help that I have these CONSTANT "What if"...what if I am never happy? Why didn't I "go out more" in college? What if I've wasted my youth? What if I can never feel free from these thoughts? I go through "periods" and right now I'm stuck on a "past" period..meaning a constant feeling of being left out of something that everyone experienced because of my family, a feeling that I wish I had done things differently..but the problem is the thoughts are so obsessive that even in the moments when I AM free, and living at school at the moment, I can't seem to shake them and actually live.
I have read a LOT about how detaching your thoughts helps..but I have no idea how to actually "do" that. People say you learn not to react, not to have emotional reactions, to just "observe"..but how the hell do you do that? I am literally at the edge. I'm 24 and I dont' want to waste another moment..I want to live, I want to laugh and know inside of me that there's no feeling of dread (like there is even as I type this), I want to be happy, I want to be in a relationship where I don't take things out on my boyfriend because I've just had it with anxiety..PLEASE I beg you, anyone at all, please, please help me. I would truly appreciate it more than you could ever know.
The following user gives a hug of support to londonbound: herpelow (04-05-2012)
read this book. i know it will help you find what you're looking for. "a new earth" by eckhart tolle. it is a hard read the first time and maybe the second. but you'll slowly start to understand your life. another good book and a shorter read is...."if life is a game....these are the rules". by cherie carter-scott. these are excellent self help books that will help give you a different perspective on your life. try the second book first. it's a shorter read, but you'll love the way this author tells her experiences. hope this helps.
What culture do you live in that is so important that you have to give up your own happiness for? Sounds like a culture that may not be the best for you even if your family is in it. Do some soul-searching and decide whether these "things" you want to experience are going against your strict culture for a good reason or not. Sometimes the strict culture knows best. After you decide, then go from there. You are only 24. Believe me you have a lot of youth left. On the brighter side you may also have enough maturity to make responsible choices. Good luck hon.