| ROCD and "crushes" on other people
Hello, I'm new here. I have suffered with anxiety for most of my life, but I was diagnosed with OCD in 2007 after an intense bout with HOCD.
I began struggling with ROCD after I got engaged. At the time, I had been with my now husband for six years prior to our engagement and for the first month, things were great, but then I began questioning EVERYTHING about our relationship, him, myself, etc. I felt detached and unsettled all the time. I constantly worried that I didn't love him enough or in the right way, we weren't sexually compatible, etc. I started medication again and began talking to a therapist and felt a lot better and eventually was able to get married stress-free.
Well this past weekend, my husband and I were at a birthday party for a friend of ours and I was talking to one of my husband's good friends. He was telling me of a problem he was having with a girl he liked and asked me for advice. As I was talking to him, I started getting thoughts, "You totally have a crush on him!" and I started to feeling panicky. I asked my husband if we could head home, but I had a terrible time sleeping that night and couldn't shake the fear that I had a crush on someone.
Now I realize that crushes are normal and that just because I'm married, it doesn't stop human nature, but I'm obsessing over the fact that I might have a crush on this person. Deep down, I really don't feel like I do. I don't find him attractive and I really don't know much about him except the basics (what he does for a living, where he lives, etc). He is a good person and a very nice guy, but not my type at all.
I've even started comparing my husband to this guy. They are a lot alike, but I find myself idealizing the other guy and wondering if I would be happier with someone like him.
In my head however, this is spelling the end of my relationship. It's making it feel as though the world is crashing down around me. I love my husband more than anything, and I would never do anything to hurt him.
I think this may be a facet of ROCD coming back again, but I haven't heard many people mention things like this. I know asking for reassurance is a bad thing, but I was wondering if anyone else had experienced something similar.
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