This has been happening to me SO much lately, at home, school, working, all the time, and I just want it to BE GONE!!!
What happens is that I guess the way it works is my brain recognizes a trigger then I automatically get an intrusive thought which causes anxiety..I then start a short mini-obsessive period, contemplating heavily on why that thought happened and either trying to convince myself over and over that it wasn't me and it was my OCD and I don't really believe it, or I start to compulsively repent.
The only way this crazy short cycle of anxiety ends is with another intrusive thought (a lot of times worse, either bad things about God or my family/friends) entering my head and then I have a "what the heck are you doing stop!" moment and I calm down.
But then I start to analyze and rethink about why both of these happened again and try to convince myself it's not me and after another minute, yeah, another automatic intrusive thought. It's like the thought is the only thing that can break me out of the spell that it originally caused..crazy!!
It's also at this point that I start to truly believe that I should repent to God because maybe not the first or second thought, but on the next bad thought when I start to rethink it, I should have had enough reason then to not go on to rethink it and just let it be, instead of rethinking and having another intrusive thought occur. It's like I believe the first and second were the OCD, but I could have maybe prevented the 3rd, so therefore I need to repend because it's my fault....I know that I should not rethink these thoughts and not repent, but it's almost like the OCD draws me in to rethink it!
I know this is all CRAZY but it's what I deal with multiple times a day, it's SO hard to concentrate on anything..it's like I just need to know that it's OCD and I don't need to repent on the 3rd bad thought...ahh, why won't it just go away. I know if I just stop thinking about it completely it will, but it's so hard thinking that part of it could be my fault. Maybe OCD on this level should be on a health board somewhere, but any recommendations on this craziness is greatly appreciated, thanks for everything yall do! Now to try and do some homework *sigh*
I struggle alot with intrusive thoughts. Like you, sometimes the only relief from one bad thought is the horror of a new obsessive intrusive thought. I was in a REALLY bad cycle a couple of weeks ago. This might sound crazy, but I actually tried to get myself obsessed with a new bad thought because the other one was so terrible. Kinda like replacing sugar for splenda or something. lol. Hope the mental sandstorm passes quickly.
I used to do that, don't do it, instead of one obsession you are getting two for the price of one don't do it. I also thought that getting into another obsession will pacify the first one, wrong, you are feeding fear with fear. The thing you must do is confront the fear, try letting the obsession go, if the thought pops up stay with the thought, it won't harm you it is just a thought, try to stay with it until you don't feel pain. It is hard and disturbing, therapy and meds are recommended so you have support.
Hope this helps, and one last thing; don't try to replace an obsession with another one just don't it is hell, believe me, you will end with a handful of obsessions for the price of one.
i have gone through what you are going through for years and i know how painful it can be. Through it all i have learned the way that works. You must not worry about those thoughts whatsoever. Stop analyzing them, thoughts like, did i do or say it willingly, could i have avoided it, did i mean it and many more will always try scare you but those question are only there to confuse you. If you are a christian like me you might wonder if God can forgive you but He does forgive you because God understand that those are intrusive thoughts. You must not fear them also, they are harmless, they cannot stop God from loving you. Just ignore them and as time pass by relief will come. My situation is improving very much and i am beggining to feel like a human again after so many years. At some point i couldn't attend church coz of those blasphemous thoughts but now i can
I have had OCD my entire life. I remember it starting when I was 13 years old. I had severe compulsions that I needed to do to feel just right. I did everything from walking into a room an even amount of times to flicking the light switch off an even amount of times. It took me awhile to get my compulsions under control. However, my OCD took a dark turn this year. I went through a really bad break up which put me into a severe depression. I decided to try Zoloft for 2 days which triggered my OCD. I immediately stopped the drug, but my brain went into a crazy frenzy. I started the obsessive harming thoughts that are about anything violent you can imagine. I have thought about things such as someone is constantly out to kill me, I turn into the exorcist or some fictional character and hurt people, etc. I have thought of it all even sexual and morbid thoughts. My thoughts would spiral and spiral to the point where I could not even think my own thoughts. It was like my OCD controlled me. I am fine at work because I am kept busy, but when I am alone it is the hardest. So, I decided to get help. I go to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy every 2 weeks. I have been on Luvox (SSRI) for 1 month at 75 mg. The Luvox helps a lot! I can actually think my own thoughts now. However, I still have harming thoughts here and there. I am praying that I will be thought free. I found that writing out my thoughts and challenging them really works. So try this method. Get a piece of paper. 1. Write date/time 2. Situation- Write what your thoughts were before the unpleasant thought/daydream 3. Write the automatic (scary) thoughts and rate each belief 0-100% 4. Emotions- write your emotions out and the intensity 0-100% 5. Rational response- Write rational repsonses (Ex: I have never harmed someone, I can't even kill a damn spider!) 6. Outcome- Write your outcome and your emotions 0-100%
I find that writing the thoughts and even saying them out loud makes them less intense. I used to cry all the time about my thoughts. I was unable to eat, sleep, or think my own thoughts. Now, I can get over the much easier. They still SUCK really bad, but I blame it on the OCD. We have OCD it is not US and we will defeat this. <edit>
I am a new member. I am suffering from similar problem as yours for nearly 16 years now. But I have still managed to finish my higher studies, and get jobs and also marry. I have learnt from the OCD that if you do not analyse the disturbing thoughts, do not try to block them, or do not forcefully try to keep them away, then those thoughts will stay there for a while and gradually become less active and your own logical mind will start to act and give you the relief. The OCD thoughts will relapse from time to time. But do not be scared in apprehension. When they really come back and makes you think things that you do not mean, just stay calm and say in your mind that whatever it says in your mind is not important. It will take some time for the brain to get refrshed and again start thinkinf logically. And when you feel relieved do not be over confident to go back to analyse what had happened and that you are now completely cured and doesnt matter if you think about the OCD thoughts. Practice this for a year and you will be in a much better state of mind.
I am a new member; Hopefully my post under the name 2psych will appear soon. My case is severly complicated but I am still surviving and getting better. you can too !!!!
If you are thinking and reanalyzing your nonsense OCD thoughts, it will make them worse. The trick is to say to your thoughts, "I know I have OCD, I know it plays with my mind and wants me to believe in it, but I refuse! My mind is short circuiting and its not my fault. I am a good and honest person who only wants the best for all people." You have to imagine that a bird is carrying the bothersome thought and is flying away with it. I have even decided, at times, to accept the OCD thought as something I will have to get used to and live with. It won't hurt me, and I won't act on it. Why should my own mind be my source of so much pain. It shouldn't! Therapy for me is keeping as busy as possible, thanking God for my many blessings, and realizing that life isn't easy for anyone. We all have our problems, be they physical or mental. We have to muster the strength,(or if you are religious, ask God for the strength) to fight this burden and be good to yourself. Smile. Wonder how you can make someone else's day better.