Hey guys, i'm new to this site, I've just been havin' a really tough time lately. I've been suffering with harm OCD since last October and it's been a literal nightmare. I'm 20 years old and I've always been extremely loving, empathetic, sympathetic, and never knew how someone could hurt or kill another human being or any living thing. Then the harm OCD came along and has torn me apart
There have been periods where I felt I might've been getting better, but over all it seems that i'm just getting worse and worse.
The intrusive thoughts have evolved into urges. But I feel like these are real urges...idk what to do. I'm not disturbed by the thoughts anymore or grossed out by them like I used to be, the emotional reaction to them is gone, I feel like i'm in hell
It's like the real me has died due to the OCD. I don't want this, I want to be myself again, I want to be disgusted and disturbed by these thoughts, not questioning if I like them or really want to act on them. And they are focused on my mom which is the hardest part and she has always been the person in life I've been the closest to...
I know it says online on OCD websites and stuff that people with OCD never act on their thoughts and never want to, but could my harm OCD have evolved into some other kind of mental disorder? Or does this still just sound like OCD messing with me?
Any help would be appreciated