OCD and Anxiety - Please help me
Hello, I believe I have OCD and Anxiety and was just wondering if anyone else agrees?
For about 8 years now I have had what i believe to be OCD. When I was nine years old i suddenly began checking my animals cages for than needed, I would check that they had enough water and had enough food and that they were securely shut away safely. Over the years my OCD has gotten a bit worse with more and more things needing to be check for example: I would check that taps are tight enough and that no hair straightners were left on etc. I have set routines which i always do like feeding my animals in the same order each day and making a list in my head of which animals I have fed and who were next to be fed. A few years ago I even had things that would bother me like saying something a bit hurtful to someone then feeling bad about it for quite some time and basically having lists in my head that I would always have to really 'sort out' before I went out and had fun. Whenever some has said like for example: "there is a possibility that this could happen," if it were a bad thing I would have to touch wood. I've always had unlucky numbers which seem bad or I just don't like them but even numbers don't really bother me. And basically I have had many of the "checking and cleaning" OCD symptoms since I was nine. This type of OCD never really bothered me except for the fact that it took up time as I was constantly checking things and i just let it be. About 2-3 months ago my best friend and I had a fight and aren't friends anymore and a few weeks after I began to feel incredibly insecure and then all of sudden one day in class I had an awful thought that I may lose control, do something embarrasing and maybe even kill someone. I am an animal lover and I don't want to hurt anyone. The thought of that freaked me out to the point where some days I did not want to go to school because I was simply terrified that I may hurt someone. Before this I had had panic attacks in big crowds where I would sweat and feel like I am going to pass out. The awful thoughts of hurting someone or doing something crazy made me think that I was going crazy until i spoke to my mum and she told me that it was most likely OCD and anxiety, so i looked up the symptoms and they seemed to match. This made me feel a lot better however whenever i felt a bit anxious or neervous I would get 'dream like situations,' where I felt like i was in a dream and wasn't actually at school or at the shopping centre or whereever it was that I got the dream like situation. The other day I decided that i really wanted these bad thoughts and dream like situations to go away and so my mum suggested ringing my aunty who is a doctor. My aunty said (about 3 weeks ago) that it was most likely anxiety and OCD, however she also said that sometimes Schizophrenia can start out like anxiety. This terrified me and ever since then I have been terrified that I have Schizophrenia. My aunty booked me in to see a really well known and professional Psychiatrist who told me that I had anxiety and OCD. This did make me feel a lot better but ever since my aunty suggested I may have schizophrenia I have felt terrified that I have it to the point where I would worry that my own voice in my head mean't that I was hearing things, anything that I did hear I had to question if anyone else heard it to make sure that I wasn't hearing things, I would even imagine seeing a person which was not really then and then be convinced I was seeing things. Bascially I went through every symptom i could remember of Schizophrenia and Obsessed over it, thinking I had Schizophrenia. I remember reading that schiophrenic people sometimes feel like someone else is touching them and now whenever it my arm or touch my hand I get ticklish and freak myself out worrying that soon I will begin to believe that it's not me touching my arm and it's someone else. This is what REALLY worries me into thinking I am schizophrenic but i hope it is just OCD and me worrying.
Sometimes when I have dream like situations I feel like I am not really here and it terrifies me, but when I am not anxious I dont feel this way, when I am with friends or having a good time I dont usually worry about any of this, but sometimes simple things like thinking about the world in general or little things worry me and make me feel anxious. Just last night I arrived home and my mum and sister told me that a woman in our area had gone missing and police were everywhere in our suburb. Out of the blue I randomly worried that what if I had done something, what if I had done something while I wasn't conscious (in my sleep) or without relising and had killed her. For a while I wasn't sure if I had done something bad and lost control and hurt her. I know I would never want to do this and this kind of thought is ridiculous but i've been terrified that I am going to go to jail or get in trouble because I have done something to her and forgotten it. This thought is terrifying me, I do not even know the woman but last night it bothered me so much I could not sleep and woke up feeling confused as to whether I had done somehting bad or not. When i am not feeling anxious I know that of course I did not do this but it bothers me and makes me wonder is this kind of thought similar to other OCD thoughts? I have done some researching and other OCD victims have had thoughts where they worry that they have done somehting bad and forgotten it but this really worries me as it is very out of character for me.
The feeling my arm and freaking myself out as well as the thought that I had hurt the missing woman are really frightning me and I just wonder is ther anyone else out there that has had things like this happen to them? There will always be something else that freaks me out with OCD or anxiety and sometimes it makes me a little depressed but if anyone does read this, I am just wondering if they also feel that I have OCD and anxiety. Please help me out :/