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Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

worried I've embarassed myself

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Old 05-02-2012, 09:02 AM   #1
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waterfalls76 HB User
worried I've embarassed myself

I'm a stay at home mom who is going through a divorce. In less stressful times I am able to control my ocd without medication. However, when I'm under stress it really manifests itself. I've recently started taking Zoloft (50mg). I went out Saturday night to a local bar. I drank too much red wine and ended up quite drunk. I have not been able to stop obsessing over what I may have said or done. I have worried incessantly since that next morning what people in my city are thinking of me. The thoughts have been so severe I think I should move away. I want to hide in my house and I am concerned everyone is thinking I am a terrible person who doesn't deserve to have my beautiful children. I have sought constant reassurance from friends and family who say "oh, you just blew off some steam" and "everyone goes out and does that from time to time" but for me it goes beyond the normal shame and embarassment. I did not drive myself home or engage in any other dangerous activities. I guess I'm afraid of what I may have revealed to others. The most troubling thing is I can't stop thinking about it. I've always described this type of thinking as "being on the wheel" as in a hamster wheel. Has anyone else had these types of thoughts? When I'm in this mode of thinking I am incredibly irritable and everything gets under my skin. Anyone else had similiar experiences?

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Old 05-14-2012, 07:01 AM   #2
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coffeemom30 HB User
Re: worried I've embarassed myself

Yeah I understand. I used to worry a lot about what I said while drunk, but after I did it a few times I got over the anxiety-- that's what happens when people drink, and it's a good reason not to drink. I have told my husband stuff like I was going to leave him, while drunk. I didn't mean it. I've called my ex on the phone and done all sorts of things. So, I don't drink anymore and I'm happier for it.

But you really seem to have a lot of anxiety going on. Are you seeing a psych? I'm also a stay at home mom with bad anxiety/depression. I get what you're saying. I have to take meds or I go crazy. Quite literally.

Take care of yourself, not just for your own sake but for your kids' sake! ((hugs))

Edit to add that you're not supposed to drink while on meds, not sure why, but maybe there is a good reason...?

Last edited by coffeemom30; 05-14-2012 at 07:02 AM.

Old 05-14-2012, 07:53 AM   #3
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Join Date: May 2012
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waterfalls76 HB User
Re: worried I've embarassed myself

Coffeemom30, you are so right about the alcohol/meds combo. I really know better, I just couldn't The panic/anxiety attacks peaked about two weeks ago. The storm seems to have passed (for now). I'm not sure, but I think I told someone about how I used to get weekly AIDS tests. I went through a really bad contamination obsession about fifteen years ago. I'm still prone to the occasion MRSA or tetanus fear flare-up. Several family members are in the medical profession, and now thanks to the internet, I have access to textbooks I really shouldn't go near. I made myself go back to said bar and sit there. Guess what? Nothing bad happened. I don't want to jinx it, but I felt somewhat victorious. Onward and upward.

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