Yeah I understand. I used to worry a lot about what I said while drunk, but after I did it a few times I got over the anxiety-- that's what happens when people drink, and it's a good reason not to drink. I have told my husband stuff like I was going to leave him, while drunk. I didn't mean it. I've called my ex on the phone and done all sorts of things. So, I don't drink anymore and I'm happier for it.
But you really seem to have a lot of anxiety going on. Are you seeing a psych? I'm also a stay at home mom with bad anxiety/depression. I get what you're saying. I have to take meds or I go crazy. Quite literally.
Take care of yourself, not just for your own sake but for your kids' sake! ((hugs))
Edit to add that you're not supposed to drink while on meds, not sure why, but maybe there is a good reason...?