Are these R-OCD thoughts or something else?
Hi guys. I have been struggling with OCD for the past 11 years.. and I don't know if what I have no is R-OCD.
I am engaged to my girlfriend and we have been together for a long time. The thing is this, I keep getting random thoughts and these weird thoughts cause me to worry and that causes me to feel things..
For example, the girl I was seeing before my girlfriend came along, I straight away cut contact with her and I always now think what if I hurt her and that makes me feel really bad. Now in my head I feel like "what am I feeling.. it's like I'm feeling regret". Even though I know it's not regret over cutting contact with her, it's just me worrying that I might have hurt someone else. I don't care about the other girl, I hope she find a guy or two or ten, the thought doesn't bother me .. but it's things like this that make me panic and my heart race thinking "what am I really feeling?".
I recently deleted my ******** and this girl I used to flirt with before sent me an email asking me if I deleted her or if I just deleted my ********. She said she could handle the fact if I deleted her.
This made me feel really bad and i felt like she likes me.. and all I wanted to do was to make sure she feels better and I felt bad, these thoughts came into my head "what if this girl really likes me? She is sweet too and cute and I feel like I'm really hurting a good person and just ignoring her and shes so nice".
This makes me also panic even more. I think to my self.. why am I thinking all this, shouldn't I NOT care about what other girls say to me or think of me.
Maybe I'm just too nice and try to make everyone happy.
Is it that or am I just feeling things for other girls.
The thought of these girls dating someone else makes me feel nothing, not jealous, nothing. But I do feel terrible if I somehow think that I'm hurting someone else and .. ugh, I just don't know. I hope it's R-OCD.
I even called the first girl I mentioned on the phone, I didn't have any intention of flirting with her or anything. I just honestly wanted to just get some sort of "guilt" feeling off my shoulder.. when she answered the phone and sounded happy I felt like "oh ok, I don't care anymore , I haven't hurt anyone and I didn't hurt her either , shes happy " and I cut the conversation short and then felt bad that I called this girl.
Maybe I'm too nice, I don't know.